Ok, imagine a situation in which your child has done something that really made you angry. Here’s what you need to do about it – step by step.
1. Calm Down
No matter how angry you are, before you do anything about the situation you need to calm down. Lashing out in front of your kids can leave some serious scars, psychologist say, so try your best to avoid that.
2. Breathe
The best way to calm down is to take 10 deep breaths. If you need to, get out of the room, go to the bathroom or your bedroom and just breathe until you calm down. Scream in a pillow if you want to, but don’t try to settle any situation with your kid while you’re angry.
3. Do Not Yell
Do not under any circumstances yell at your child. No matter what your kid has done, yelling will get you nowhere except towards being even angrier. If you are really pissed, send your kid to their room and tell them that you would talk about it later. Breathe, meditate, clean, do whatever calms you down in the meantime, and only after that start a conversation.
4. It Wasn’t on Purpose
In most of the cases, the thing your child has done was not with a sole intention to make you angry. Babies don’t cry to spite you, school kids do not spill their juice on purpose, and your teenage daughter is probably not dating that boy just because you don’t like him. As soon as you realize this, you’ll manage your anger easier.
5. Remember Your Childhood
Take a good look at yourself and honestly remember how many troubles you gave to your own mother. You weren’t a golden child, none of us were, so do not expect your kid to be flawless little prince/princess that does exactly what you want them to do.
6. What Would You Have Done?
Put yourself in your kid’s shoes and try to realize what you would have done in the situation. Remember, I’m not talking about what you would have done with your 45 years of age; I’m talking about how you would have reacted back when you were 15. Don’t be surprised to find out that you would have done the same. That is your child after all.
7. Can You Help?
The next step in your anger management treatment is to realize if there is something you can do to help your kid. Can you give a good advice? Will a simple talk help? Is there a certain action that will be helpful? Find out how you can help.
8. Does Your Child Want Help?
Ok, you may have the best solution for your kid’s problem, but in order to help, your child needs to want the help from you. Sometimes it is better to let kids deal with their problems for themselves. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should be completely uninterested in the situation, but don’t push it. Ask your kid openly if they want help. If the child yells “no, leave me alone,” do that. Your kid will come to you for help when ready.
9. Talk About It
Once, both you and your kid are a bit calmer, you should sit down and talk about what happened. Try not to show that you are angry, even though you may be. You need to create an atmosphere that will show your child that the two of you can safely talk about anything. Promise that you won’t be angry and that you won’t ground your kid and try to have a calm, adult conversation. Treat your kid like an equal and you’ll see how quickly they will start making good adult decisions.
10. Let Them Learn
Every parent would love their child to learn from someone else’s mistakes instead of from their own, but face it – that’s not really going to happen. Same as you made stupid mistakes when you were young; your child is bound to make them as well. And sometimes, that is the best solution in the world. Let your kid learn and grow up. Eventually, you will be proud of what you’ve done, because you will see your kid growing up to be a responsible person, aware of the consequences of their actions.
Parenting is not an easy job and you will come up across many bumps on the road. Don’t expect your kid to be perfect and don’t try to keep them safe from life. Your children will do things that make you angry, but as long as you follow these anger management ideas, you will be able calm down.
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