8 Signs Your Best Friend Is Not a Good Friend

Friendships can be just as hard to break off as romantic relationships—sometimes even harder—but when a friendship doesn’t have a positive influence on you anymore, it’s time to say goodbye. We have a tendency to want to see only the good in our friends, and when our friends’ bad sides rear their ugly heads… well we tend to ignore it. It’s hard to admit that those we care for aren’t very good people whether they’re new friends or friends we’ve known for years.

There is more to a successful and healthy friendship than just having things in common. Good friendships require support, understanding and a positive environment in general.

Our relationships with others should benefit us as well as the people we are friends with. If you find yourself questioning whether or not one of your friendships is turning toxic, these are a few signs to look out for.

1. They aren’t supportive.

As someone with depression and anxiety, this is the major sign for me that someone isn’t worth continuing a friendship with. I need to surround myself with people who will check on me even when I insist everything is okay.

It’s important that my friends and I have an open door policy and that I’m able to call them at any hour when I need someone to talk to. I think that that sort of communication and support is something everyone needs in a friend. You shouldn’t have to ask your friends for support, emotional or otherwise.

2. They’re flaky.

Life can get hectic. Between trying to balance work, a social life and school, it can be hard for me to make plans. If a friend always cancels plans at the last minute and it becomes a habit, you can’t help but wonder how much they really care.

I’ve had to cancel the same plans to have a movie night with my friends three or four times, but we eventually found a date that worked. Once, I had a friend cancel plans then promptly tweet about how much fun they were having with someone else. If a friend keeps ditching you because “something better came up” then it’s time to cut them loose.

3. They make you mad or hurt you on purpose.

Unfortunately, the people you’re closest with know how to push your buttons. My friends know how irritated I get when they diss the music I like, so it’s something they often joke about to get a rise out of me.

If your friend constantly bashes something you enjoy like the clothes you wear, the other people you hang out with or something else, chances are they don’t care as much as you think they do. It’s one thing to joke around, but if they’re being serious, they’re just being plain rude.

4. They blow you off for their significant other.

After my former best friend had been dating his current girlfriend for a while, he disappeared. At first, we would still hang around with the same group of people but after a few months he cut us off completely.

If your friend has a significant other who wants nothing to do with you or your friend goes M.I.A. for weeks at a time, their relationship probably means more than your friendship. The key is balance. Of course, your friend is going to want to spend more time with their significant other, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to neglect you.

5. They intentionally betray your trust.

There are quite a few things I tell my friends in complete confidence because I trust them not to share my personal business with other people. If you ask a friend not to share something you’ve told them with anyone else, then they shouldn’t.

Some people may not know how to filter information when they’re having a conversation, but that’s no excuse. You shouldn’t have to watch what you say to a friend because you’re worried they might blab about it to someone else.

6. They’re insensitive.

We all react to the situations and obstacles we face in different ways. Something that doesn’t bother a friend may bother you, and if your friend knowingly brings up a subject that’s painful for you then they’re insensitive.

It’s important to be understanding, to recognize and realize when our actions directly affect others. Sometimes friends might not always understand what you’re going through, but if they don’t at least try to sympathize with what you’re feeling, then are they really a good friend?

7. They have a negative attitude.

When you spend a lot of time with someone, it’s inevitable that a few of their qualities will rub off on you. One thing you should watch out for is negativity. If your friend is constantly down about something and expecting the worst, that kind of attitude can really drain you.

Everyone is prone to their off days where nothing seems to be going well—that’s normal—but when someone else’s attitude starts to alter the way you see things, then it isn’t healthy to be around them.

8. They make you feel like you have to compete with them.

Everyone is different. We all look different, we like different things and we have different personalities—it’s just a fact of life. Our common traits and our opposite interests draw us to those who eventually become our friends.

I had a friend who made it a habit to always match something I said about myself with her own comment or accomplishment; it always seemed like she was trying to out-do me and turn things into a competition. Your success and the success of your friends are two separate entities that have nothing to do with one another.

What do you think makes a best friend bad news? Feel free to comment.