The end of a relationship can be traumatic and agonizing to partners who are going their separate ways, but the ones who are affected most are their children. Thus, they approach love differently to others.
As someone who’s a product of a broken family, I know how much it hurts to see your family fall apart. I can relate to everyone who struggles with trusting people around them, not because they’re bad, but because I simply have trust issues, a result of seeing my parents live with distrust before finally breaking up.
So, if the person you hold dear to your heart came from a broken home, it pays to know and understand the way they love. Here are eight crucial things you should know and be prepared for.
We’ve seen how messy things can be before, during and after fallouts. Thus, we take our time getting to know the person we like before giving them our heart. We want to be sure that they are worth our trust, and we first want to see that they won’t go MIA on us at the first sign of trouble.
The loss has made us fearful. We are afraid of losing relationships and partners. Because of this fear, we become paranoid, clingy and possessive at times. It helps if you let us know when we’re doing this so this so that we can address our behavior. Don’t worry: we won’t hold it against you.
Just as we don’t trust others right away, it takes time for people to get to know who we really are. We’ve built fortified walls around us because we don’t want to let in anyone unworthy. You can call us secretive and, in a way, you’re correct, but we have adapted this behavior only because we don’t want to end up giving away too much to the wrong person.
Some will throw in the towel and call it quits but not us. We are persistent and patient. We will find all possible ways to keep the relationship going. The only way the relationship will end is if you cut off all means of contact between us. We don’t want to go through the pain of being alone, which we’ve experienced when our parents’ relationship fell apart; that’s why we work so hard to make our relationships last.
Yes, we know it can be tiring to assure us from time to time that we’re the only one who holds your heart, but you can’t be tired of doing this because it’s the only way our hearts find peace. It’s one of many ways you help us function like a normal human being, so please don’t get tired when we question you about everything. We just want to hear you say those three words that help us to keep going.
Because we didn’t grow up seeing it work for our parents, we’re a bit skeptical about tying the knot. We believe true love is still possible though, and we will still commit to you. We expect you to do the same.
Miscommunication and lack of communication were some of our parents’ issues before and we’ve witnessed how this tore their union apart. Because of this, we will let you know everything we think you should know (after knowing we can trust you with our hearts). We expect that you will do the same thing so that we’ll be on the same page all the time.
Call us crazy, but we will give you our best shot once we’ve finally proven to ourselves that you’re the one. We will take care of you and give you everything you need. You can take care of us, of course, but we’ll do it more for you because we enjoy doing so. We won’t think twice about making sacrifices and saying yes to compromises because these are two things that will prove the lengths we will go to just to prove how true our love is for you. We will be with you through thick or thin, against all odds, no matter what.
Now you know the major things to expect from children from broken families. These are just some of them; there are other challenges that you’ll surely encounter along the way. It’s not going to be easy, but as with anything, if you’re willing to spend your life together and you have life goals that mesh, nothing is going to be impossible for both of you. You’ll make happily ever after happen no matter what once you’ve managed your differences. Good luck!
Are you from a broken family? What other things you think our lovers should expect from us? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.
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