It’s never fun when you’re living the single life and you realize, “All my friends are having babies.” Here’s how to handle this situation and not feel bad.
In a perfect world, you and your best friends would live parallel lives. When they meet a great new guy and had stars in their eyes, you would too. Y
ou would all get engaged and then married at the same time, and when it came time to consider starting a family, you would all be on the same page. Sounds dreamy, right?
Unfortunately, that’s not how this happens. Instead, you find yourself still single and going on bad date after bad date, wondering how your married friends got so lucky.
And then… the baby fever starts. Soon you’re getting calls from everyone that you know telling you that they’re expecting, and all you can think is, “What?!”
It’s okay. You can get through this. Here’s how to handle it when you’re still single and all your friends are having babies.
The reason that being single while your friends are all pregnant or raising little kids sucks is that you’re dealing with the so-called comparison trap.
You’re comparing yourself and your life to your friends’. You’re thinking that you should be further along and doing exactly what they’re doing. And part of that is feeling super sorry for yourself.
Why are you still single and struggling to find a relationship, let alone a second date, when your friends seem to have it all figured out? What’s wrong with you?
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t need to compare yourself to your best friends.
Live according to your own timeline and make the choices that feel right for you at this point in your life.
So what if they’re getting domesticated and spending money on baby music classes and new couches?
You can still do what you want, whether you’re planning on going to Europe this summer or are saving up to buy yourself a condo.
Once you start focusing on yourself and your own world and stop thinking so much about what other people are doing, you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more. And comparing won’t seem as necessary or even interesting anymore.
Instead of thinking, “All my friends are having babies and I’m still single”, think about everything that you do have. Sure, you may not be raising a two-year-old or even pregnant (and you don’t even have a boyfriend), but you do have a lovely apartment.
You have a job that makes you happy and that you actually want to do every day. You love doing yoga or pilates, you make a great lasagna, you’re an avid reader.
See? There are so many awesome things about you and you have so many good things in your life.
Practicing gratitude may seem cheesy and yet it’s the best way to feel better when you’re dealing with something like this.
It’s super easy to think that just because your friends are married and having babies, that must mean that they’re super happy. You figure that their lives are so easy, they don’t have a care in the world.
Not like you, of course. You’re the single girl who has to work hard to find love, and sometimes you feel like all you do is go on the first date after the first date (because, well, that is what you do a lot).
The truth is that your friends might be jealous of you. Yes, you. They’re not automatically happy 24/7 just because they have relationships and families.
They still have their own problems. It’s just that their problems look different from yours. While you’re struggling to find a partner and stressing over your dating life, your friends are having pregnancy problems, figuring out how having kids fit into their marriage, and suffering in ways you’re not aware of.
Once you stop thinking “All my friends are having babies and I’m still single – Omg, help!” and start realizing that everyone is going through something, the change in perspective will help a ton.
If you want to find love and start a family of your own, which you probably do if the fact that your friends are all having babies is upsetting you, then you have to keep your eye on the prize.
Don’t let the fact that you’re being a bit of a green-eyed monster stop you from getting what you want.
Keep chasing what you want and you will get it. Think about anything that you have ever achieved in your life. Whether you wanted to go to grad school or get your dream job or get a promotion, you had to work hard and believe in yourself, right?
It’s the same thing here. Believe that you’re going to have a relationship and a baby in your life. Why can’t you get what you want?
The only way that you’re going to fail is if you stop trying. Does that sound familiar?
You hear this all the time when it comes to finding success in any situation. Stay the course and soon you won’t be so jealous of your friends because you’ll have what you want, too.
Just because your friends are having babies when you’re still single doesn’t mean that they did something right and you did something wrong (or vice versa). Don’t punish them because they got a jump start on these milestones and goals.
You wouldn’t want them to stop talking to you if you were in their shoes, would you? No, of course not. So don’t do that.
Keep texting and hanging out with your friends just like you would before. Your friendship is still important and they’re not going to forget about you or ignore you just because they have kids now. Remember that and cherish the friendship.
This also means that you should be super sweet to their babies and shower them with love, of course. If you refuse to admit that they have added something to their lives and that something has changed for them, they’re going to get pissed. And they would be right to feel that way.
If you can do this, then you won’t feel bad that you’re still single and your friends have baby fever. It won’t even matter to you after a while, and that’s exactly the way that it should be.
It would be great if you and your best friends would go through the same experiences at the exact same time, especially when it comes to love, marriage, and babies.
Of course, that doesn’t always happen. These tips should help you handle it when you’re still single and your friends are all having babies. It’s really not the end of the world, right?
Are you single while your best friends are experiencing baby fever? Do you have your own strategies for dealing with this? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.
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