I got my first kiss when I turned 13. Samantha at the same age already lost her virginity. Even though Johnny Depp played guitar with my favorite band back then, I felt too young to ask anything more from him, than an autograph.
And how do I know that private info about Samantha? We’ve never met, but she confessed.
Samantha: I f@*!ed a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but… I’d go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.
Samantha: Yeah! Kool-Aid! I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.
It sure was not a bad experience. She seemed to like it and kept up her good work in bedding men. Many men.
Later on she said there’s only one man she could forgive living with his parents.
Carrie: So are you saying there’s no way you’d go out with a guy who lived with his family?
Samantha: Well… maybe Prince William.
Yes, in America that might be very weird but there are some countries where decent men can be found living with their family for way longer than what’s common in the States (prince William is also a foreigner). I’m sure that Samantha will forgive them if they meet. Of course, if she finds them hot.
Samantha may mind someone living with parents, but she won’t care if one has kids and a wife.
Samantha: When an opportunity comes, I don’t question it. I grab it, drop its ring on the nightstand and swing on it ‘til dawn!
When she grew up she was not having sex for diamonds and pearls, she didn’t care about pools. She could afford that for herself. She cared more about other pleasures, the ones that she can’t buy. Although, at times, it seems like the things that Samantha needs could be easily rented.
Samantha: You fantasize about a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice big stock portfolio…For me, it’s a fireman with a nice big hose.
When Harry met Sally questioned if men and women can be friends.
Some believe that they can be friends, just friends. Some believe that they can be friends with benefits. Film Eating Out says: ‘Who needs friends who won’t f!@k friends’? And what a sexpert Samantha has to say about it?
Samantha: Women are for friendship. Men are for f@*!ing.
Samantha also believes that friends with benefits should not be given a chance as partners.
Samantha: Carrie, you can’t date your f#*k buddy.
And what can happen if you don’t follow her advice? She gives you a warning.
Samantha: You’re going to take the only person in your life that’s there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?
And what’s her stance on sex with and ex? She thinks it can be depressing.
Samantha: If it’s good, you can’t get it anymore. If it’s bad, you just had sex with an ex.
Samantha doesn’t give a second chance.
Samantha: “F**k me badly once, shame on you. F**k me badly twice, shame on me!”
Samantha doesn’t believe in marriage.
Samantha: I feel the same way as you feel about Botox. Painful and unnecessary.
Marriage and relationships can turn sex fantasy objects into ordinary people. But Samantha won’t accept marriage as an excuse for being too casual, or careless. When Miranda explains that she has some problems, and she doesn’t have time to wax, Samantha replies with no compassion.
Samantha: I could be on death row and not have that situation!
Samantha may be all about sex. Relationships are not her thing. And when she gives a shot in something long term, she is just doing it for sex. She wants good sex, and she wants it to be often. Annie Hall has a famous dialogue about that ‘often’ thing. One same thing can be seen completely different by two people.
Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen.
Alvy Singer’s Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall’s Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I’d say three times a week.
Often and rare are very relative concepts. For Samantha, they are fixed. Sex should be practiced every day. So this is what she says to her boyfriend (Smith) when he is too busy to have sex whenever she wants.
Samantha: You see? This is how it starts. Next thing you know, we’re only having sex three or four times a week.
That was not the only time she complained.
Samantha: If you want out of this, just say it.
Richard: I don’t want to have sex once, and I want out?
Samantha: What about yesterday?
Richard: We were at the opera!
Samantha: I was bored!
Samantha also has a winner attitude.
Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.
She won’t let an obstacle defeat her. Be it a broken toe or breast cancer.
And when she needs something done, and it doesn’t seem easy, she can even scream.
Samantha: Who do you have to f@!k to get chemo around here?
Samantha doesn’t believe in perfection.
Samantha: From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.
Samantha also knows a thing or two about relationships.
Samantha: Relationships aren’t just about being happy.
But what happens when she is not really happy?
Samantha: Is a relationship saying his name fifty times a day, and more than my own?
She needs to leave. Even if her last words are – I love you.
Sometimes love is not enough.
Samantha: I love you… but I love me more.
Or maybe she just likes it more with different men (and don’t forget when she was with Smith for 5 years, she was not cheating).
Samantha also knows that it’s not (always) smart to play games.
Samantha: Don’t play hard to get with a man who’s hard to get.
There’s a high chance that you won’t win.
Samantha knows that blowjobs are not easy. But they are not as difficult as relationships are.
Samantha: You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin’.”
I’ll end with my favorite one. And it needs no comment.
Man in the bar: May I buy you a drink?
Samantha: I have one, thanks.
Man in the bar: Can I buy you an island?
Samantha: I don’t know, can you?
Cover photo: cotibluemos.blogspot.com