How to Talk so Kids Will Listen – Authority

Your child is disobedient? Already feel like you’re losing control over him? Have you ever wondered how carefully does your child actually listen when you are talking? In the next few articles, we will try to approach this very common and complex problem and point out some of the main parenting rules that can help you in finding a solution.

In order to get your child to listen you have to be:

  1. Authoritative
  2. Consistent
  3. Clear
  4. Interesting
  5. Aware of child’s age and abilities
  6. Good listener

So, how to talk so kids will listen? Let’s start with the most important thing: Authority.

From the first day of his life, you are the most important person to your child. But if you want to keep this place and establish real authority you must work on yourself 24/7.

Real authority comes with age, education (intellectual authority) and consistency (when it comes to prohibitions, punishments, agreements). The point is that, if you want your child to listen, you have to gain his RESPECT first.

Authority that comes with age is actually the difference in age and experience. While growing up, child looks up to you and admires you for the things you know and do. The child has to rely on you and believe that even when you act in a way that is unpleasant for him you have his best interest in mind.

For example: If you don’t want you child to go to a party with his friends, because you think he is still to young and you are scared that something bad can happen to him, your decision should be backed up with examples (including the ones from your personal experience) and explanations so he would understand that your fear is justified. This is not always easy, it requires a lot of patience on your side, but in a long term, it is worth the effort. In this manner, even though you refuse to indulge the child’s whish, if you are persuasive and authoritative, your child will eventually realise that your behaviour is guided by good intentions and care.

Outrageous mom screaming at kids with laptop using megaphone

You’re older –> You know better –> You are right –> You should be obeyed. Intellectual authority is similar to one that comes with age and is even more important as your child is getting older. Your child respects you not only for your age and experience, but also for your knowledge. He is aware that your words are backed up with knowledge that is more profound than his and your judgement is completely trusted. Parent’s intellectual authority is often tested (tempted) when you are asked a question you can’t answer. You have to find the best way out of the awkward situation even though you are aware that child during growing up realises that parents do not know everything.

For example: Your child asks you what is the world’s fastest animal. You will explain that speed is very important to animals (hunting, escaping from predators, etc), mention a few very fast ones (antelope, cheetah) and then together with him check (in the encyclopedia or in the Internet) which one is the fastest. In this way you will not lose your intellectual authority and you will help him to satisfy his curiosity.

Fighting and confronting in front of a child can seriously jeopardise parent’s authority especially if they fight about child’s upbringing.

If a father sends a child to bed, a mother must not allow him to stay and watch TV. This refers to other close persons as well (grandparents, aunts, etc). Parental authority must not be undetermined by anyone.

If you are raising you child authoritatively, you will gain his respect. And as a result you will be heard.

In next article we will discuss other important factors that can help you learn how to talk so kids will listen – CONSISTENCY and CLARITY.

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About the author

Barbara

I am a devoted hedonist who enjoys nice things – food, wine, fine arts, spending time with friends and family. Teaching mandarin Chinese is my life vocation, but my dream is to open a small restaurant and a patisserie. My life's motto: "Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

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