21 Ways to Screw Up Your Self-Esteem

We all want to feel good about ourselves and we can all lack self-confidence at times. However our self-esteem is important and a lack of it can not only make us unhappy but it can be debilitating. Read the following to learn what not to do to improve your self-esteem.

Self-esteem is about self-respect and how we view and feel about ourselves and the value we place on ourselves as a person. If we constantly feel bad about who we are, this self-destructive view can permeate into all areas of our life and have a negative impact on everything we do.

1. Tell yourself you are not worthy

If you are looking for a powerful mantra to start your day, ’I am not worthy’ is a good one to be getting on with. You can add anything to it or just leave it as it is and it works a treat. If you ever get the slight feeling of hope or happiness, just repeat this mantra. It is really effective if you can repeat it out loud while standing stand butt naked in front of a mirror eating a donut.

2. Sleep around

man and woman in bedroom 42

The more you sleep around the better you will feel about yourself. After all people would not sleep with you unless they thought you were attractive, and looks mean everything right? So if you are feeling a bit down, the best thing to do is make yourself sexually available. People will really respect you for it and it will do wonders for your self-esteem, as well as your emotional and mental wellbeing.

3. Live your life through others

There is no point in living your own life, because being a person with such little self-esteem you have next to nothing to offer. So choose to live your life through others instead; you can pick anyone, it could be a close friend or even a celebrity you don’t know personally. You can live through their ups and downs, achievements and successes. This is especially effective if you live your life through your children and get them to be all you wanted to be but didn’t get the chance. Poor you.

4. Take constructive criticism badly

Okay, so you have asked someone for their opinion, and out of all the many compliments they gave, you notice there was one small suggestion that you might want to think about doing something differently. The best thing you can do is to never forget this criticism and take it with you wherever you go. Use it like a chain around your neck and let it sink any dreams you ever had.

5. Let others control your mood, feelings and emotions

You have no control over how you feel; it’s all down to how other people treat you or how they are feeling. It’s best not to have any control over these things and leave them in the safe hands of someone else. This way, not only will you be able to empathetic with others (because you will be experiencing their pain) you will also be open to manipulation by well-meaning folk.

6. Put limits on everything you do

Keep within your comfort zone and don’t rock the boat and whatever you do, guard yourself from new experiences. Putting limits on everything you do keeps you safe and avoids criticism as in point 4 above. If you don’t do anything with your life, you probably won’t get any praise from anyone but you won’t get any criticism either. It’s a win-win situation.

7. Rely on other people’s opinion of who you are

The fact of the matter is that other people’s opinions do count and act as a mirror of who we are. So if someone has an issue with your beliefs or actions, then change them to suit theirs immediately, even if this wounds you deeply and does not resonate. Always rely on what other people think of us, because at the end of the day, that’s who we really are.

8. Engage in self-destructive behaviors

women alcohol abuse

One way to get a really good handle on your self-esteem is to drink excessively or become addicted to drugs or take part in any activity you can indulge in on your own which also distorts the way you feel and prevents you from seeing the whole picture. If done well, you can come to hate yourself in the comfort of your own home as well as despising those around you without as much as leaving your front door.

9. Know you will never amount to much

Despite what others may have told you, the fact of the matter is that you are not that special and there are plenty of people out there who are more naturally talented/beautiful/skilled and better than you. So keep this ’self-knowledge’ in mind at all times. As for having any ambition; forget it.

10. Focus on your bad points (especially when you look in a mirror)

Make sure you weigh yourself every day religiously and when you look in the mirror, make sure you focus on all your negative points and don’t lose that focus. Practice the exercise with the donut in point 1 to reinforce this negative body image. Everyone has bad points; it’s just that you have more than most, so do try to focus on these throughout the day.

11. Don’t take pride in your accomplishments

You are only as good as your last success and you cannot dine out on that forever, so stop bleating on about your accomplishments, in fact its better if you don’t mention them at all and forget you ever achieved anything. No one is listening and no one is interested. Remember that you are not worthy see point 1 above.

12. Know you are a misfit (and nobody loves you)

Let’s be honest here. You don’t really fit in and you are completely different to everyone else. There is no one like you anywhere on the planet, you are unique. And that’s what makes you a freak. So just settle for what you are and be thankful for what you do get. Love wasn’t meant for everyone.

13. Rely on social media to enhance your self esteem

If you don’t get a like on Facebook or a friend gets more likes than you then you are clearly doing something wrong; this is important stuff we are dealing with here so do take note. Social media interactions are much more important that real life and the number of your Twitter followers define how important you really are. People are always honest on social media too, so make sure the life you portray is different from the one you actually live. Work that profile photo baby.

14. Compare yourself with others

Always compare yourself with others and you will soon find there are plenty of people around who are so much better than you in every way and have so much. Strive to be like them, it will never happen, but will give you a goal to aim for. In the unlikely event that you do reach the heady peak of emulating someone else’s life, then move on and target someone else.

15. Never give of yourself or help others

help sign on beach

Let’s face it; you have enough on your own plate without having to think about other people. Why should you give of yourself or help others when your life is so miserable. How is helping someone else helping you? D’oh.

16. Have too much self esteem

Having too much self-esteem and becoming conceited and arrogant can make you as attractive as having no self-esteem and it comes with many of the same insecurities and self-doubt. The great thing about too much self-esteem is that you really can bulldozer your way through life and leave much destruction in your wake.

17. Don’t practice self-compassion

Self-compassion; what’s that? If it’s another term for feeling sorry for yourself then go ahead and knock yourself out. However, if it means accepting yourself warts and all and being kind to yourself then this kind of melodramatics isn’t going to help anyone. Top marks if you can combine self-pity with an outward display of non-compassion for others.

18. Act without integrity

Acting without integrity should be easy for you as you are living someone else’s life anyway and all their beliefs are now yours. If you can act without integrity and have no conscience then this really will have a huge impact on your self-esteem without you even knowing it. Touché!

19. Have no values

If you have no values in the first place then you can easily comply with point 18 above. If you have no values then you have no benchmark to live your life by, in fact, your life is pretty much pointless. When you have no values your actions don’t have to align with what you believe to be true. See, it’s easy when you know how.

20. Expect others to validate who you are

The Young Girl In An Expectation Condition

Because you are not going to do anything of note with your life or have any opinion of your own, you will need others to validate who you are. This can easily be achieved by becoming a cliché or a stereotype, this way you can be dumped into a category and no one will question you. Top marks if you can have a child to validate who you are and live your life through theirs (see point 3).

21. Be a pushover

Being a pushover really does tick all the boxes for totally screwing up your self-esteem. This way you really can be forced to believe others opinions of who you are and always feel totally miserable about yourself. What’s more, other people will feel the same way about you too. Spineless is all the rage this season.

So if you really want to live a negative life where you have no self-respect or self-love or compassion for yourself or others then follow the rules above. If not, then do the exact opposite to have a wonderful fulfilling and magical life.

About the author

Eleanor Goold

As well as being an avid reader, Eleanor is also a big time animal lover; especially of dogs. If you have a tail, four legs and you bark…. you’re in! In her spare time she enjoys swimming, and vegetable gardening… but not at the same time (it can get a bit messy).

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