How to Say No to Other People’s Requests

Are you the type of person that can’t turn down a request for help? Are you stuck in a pattern of saying ‘yes, yes, yes’ to every little demand? Discover how you can turn things around and say ‘no’ when you need to and ‘yes’ when you can.

It’s all well and good to help other people out. In fact, it’s encouraged. Supporting our fellow human beings is a sign of courage and inner peace. However, when you’re struggling to finish your own daily tasks, let alone others, something’s gotta give.

Saying no to other people’s requests need not be traumatic or troublesome.  It doesn’t have to give you anxious butterflies and it doesn’t have to ruin your day.

Learn how you can say ‘no’ confidently to other people’s requests with these simple tips.

#1. Have a to-do list           

This might seem like an odd recommendation to make, but the truth is that saying no is a lot easier when you can justify your reasons for turning a request down.

The easiest way to have justification is to prove that you’re too busy to help out this time. You can start by writing down everything you have to do that day and then expanding it out to the next week or month.

After you have a comprehensive to-do list, organize it in terms of most important to least important. This will help you get everything clear in your mind (thus making you more organized) and it will also be handy to have available when someone insists their request is more important than yours.

#2. Not today, James

business people walking and talking

Next, if a co-worker or family member asks you to help them with something but you can’t seem to find a spare gap to lend a hand, it’s worthwhile telling them that this is the case. A good way to do so is by saying:

“I’m flat out today, I have to do x then y and maybe even z. But, it looks like I can help out next Tuesday if that isn’t too late?”

By offering them an alternative, you’re not saying you don’t want to help, you’re simply drawing their attention to the fact that you’re too busy to help at this very moment. This makes it a lot easier to verbalize as you’re not being rude by flat out saying no, and it makes it easier for them to accept.

#3. Swap it, don’t drop it

Despite what others may want, it’s important to realize that you do not have to drop everything you’re doing in order to help them out. A good strategy to get around this is to swap your tasks around rather than ignoring them completely.

For instance, if you’re meant to drop off some letters but somebody wants you to help with a presentation, you can offer to look at their presentation if they can drop off the letters for you. This way, you’re not falling behind with your work and you’re still helping them out with their request.

Otherwise, you can check that it’s okay to mail the letters tomorrow and help your co-worker today. It’s easier to swap it rather than drop it and this way you don’t upset anyone or have your work suffer.

#4. Pull out the hierarchy

Now, let’s say you have a particularly pushy person demanding that you help them with one of their tasks. Their logic is that what they are doing is far more important than what you’re doing, so therefore you should stop and help them out. Immediately.

This is where your to-do list comes in handy. Hopefully you’ll have this close by so you can pull it out and offer it for their perusal. You can draw their attention to the first five tasks, which are needed for the following day, or one overarching task that is business or family critical.

In many cases, your task bully will back down at this point. However, every now and then someone still won’t care. If this occurs, and it’s within a workplace environment, ask them to take it up with your supervisor.

If your supervisor deems their task to be more important than yours, then you’ll swap it. Don’t back down and concede to their demands simply because they’re being stubborn.

#5. Don’t say no

business people walking

A good way to tell someone you can’t help them is by not saying ‘no’. A research study indicated that out of all the word available in the English language, ‘no’ is the one that is most likely to be responded to negatively. ‘No’ encourages feelings of anger, stress and anxiety. So to keep your communication stress-free, don’t use the ‘n’ word.

Tell them that you’d love to help, that you can understand their problem and that you are able to lend a hand. But, there are things you need to do first. Or, you can’t help them out until tomorrow, or next week. Let them know what you’re working on and offer to swap tasks.

Be polite, calm and understanding. If they’re coming to you for help, they’re likely going to be pretty anxious and stressed already. Adding to their stress is only going to damage your relationship with them. And perhaps they don’t realize how busy you are either?

My standard issue statement is: “Sure, I’d love to help out. I just need to do x then y today, but maybe I can lend you a hand tomorrow morning?”

This way you’re drawing attention to the fact that you’re helping them, rather than merely accepting one of their tasks. You’re also not saying ‘no’.

#6. “I understand”

Sometimes there will be situations that even if you wanted to say yes to someone’s request, you wouldn’t be able to. Say for instance a customer wants you to deliver a parcel within the next hour but the roads to their business are completely flooded. Or your brother wants you to rob a bank for him because he can’t make rent this month.

These are situations that are completely outside of your control and which you’re unable to agree to. But that doesn’t mean you have to be rude about it. Often, people know that they are asking for unreasonable requests even while they’re doing it. But they don’t care – they want a miracle.

So try to understand where they’re coming from and then tell them you understand. For instance:

“I’m really sorry, sir/ma’am, but the roads are flooded at the moment. We’d love to get your lipstick to you in time for your dinner tonight and I know how important this is to you. If the roads clear up in time for our couriers to leave we will absolutely send them straight to you. But at this time, we’d be putting our drivers in danger if they tried to deliver your item.”

“Bro, I understand you’re low on cash this month and that must really suck. But it’s going to be worse if we’re stuck in jail because we’ve been caught robbing a bank. Who is going to pay the bills then?”

Be understanding, identify their issues and relate to them. Then explain, gently, why they can’t have their request.

#7. When push comes to shove

Women At A Bar Who Do Not Want To Be Harassed

And for those real bullies who just won’t take no for an answer … well, it’s time to bring out the ‘n’ word.

Sure, you’ll see a little nose flaring. A little snorting. And maybe even some cheek reddening. But don’t let it scare or upset you. This is just their instinctive reaction to that danger word ‘no’. But chances are high they don’t hear it a lot, so if you’ve put it out there they’ll be a little stunned for a while.

But bullies are bullies and every now and then someone needs to be brave enough to stand up to them. You don’t need to go all crazy and start listing their flaws in alphabetical order, but you do need to stand your ground and refuse to cater to their requests.

Be prepared for threats, verbal abuse and swearing. They’re going to be mad – remember this doesn’t happen a lot. But if you stand your ground, remain unflustered and polite, their respect for you will grow.

And hey, your respect for you will grow too.

So when push comes to shove, tell them ‘no.’

#8. How not to say ‘no’

And finally, now that you know what to do, let’s look at what you shouldn’t do and say.

  1. “Pfft. No chance. I’m leaving at 5pm on the dot today.”
  2. “Not interested.”
  3. “No. Just no.”
  4. “So you’re busy? Yeah, well we all are. Take a number and get in line.”
  5. “I don’t report to you. Ask someone else.”
  6. “Honey, I have better things to do than help you with your homework/assignment/car servicing.”
  7. “I don’t want to.”
  8. “I don’t really like doing x. Sorry.”

In addition to this, you shouldn’t lose your cool or be dismissive. Give them your full attention and stay calm, in control and levelheaded.

A good mantra I repeat to myself when people around me are going cray-cray is “This too shall pass” because it reminds me that no matter how hectic things are right now, it won’t be like this forever. Second by second, minute-by-minute, things get better and change.

So don’t allow one request or one demand to derail your positivity and optimism.

About the author

Cassandra Lane

While Cassandra readily admits to being a rampant cupcake aficionada (how could she not be with an almost-brother-in-law that owns not one, but three cupcake shops?) she happily works off her lust of all things sweet and sugary by slogging it out in the gym and outdoors.

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