We all have the idea that we’re special and that nothing that has happened to us has happened to anyone else. We may be special, but let’s face it: we all go through similar experiences growing up.
We go through the adorable kid stage, the awkward preteen stage, the “I’m too cool for school” stage, the “I’m the adult you can’t tell me anything” stage, even the “Wait, I’m ready for the advice I was ignoring” stage.
More importantly, we have all had that moment (or several moments) where we feel as though we’re failing at life. I have had it plenty of times, including just recently, but those moments do not make you a failure.
Setbacks are not failures.
Tom Freston said, “A career path is rarely a path at all. A more interesting life is usually a more crooked, winding path of missteps, luck and vigorous work. It is almost always a clumsy balance between the things you try to make happen and the things that happen to you.”
My favorite life mantra has always been, “Sh*t happens.” It is the simplest way to explain life. It makes it easier to accept situations as they are. Life happens moment to moment. Death and marriage rates are measured by the second because that is how quickly life happens.
So, there are days and weeks when you are drifting along and, out of the blue, you’re hit by a bus. Maybe it’s not a real bus, but that’s how it feels.
This is the time to stop, reevaluate and make your next move—unless you’ve been hit by a real bus, in which case you should get yourself to the hospital.
All jokes aside, setbacks are bound to happen, whether you get a bad grade, you lose a job, or have family problems. Maybe your presentation wasn’t well-received, or your loan application was denied. Maybe your art show got a bad review or your short story wasn’t understood. It doesn’t matter because those moments are there to shape you, and a setback is only meant to fuel you forward.
Perseverance defeats setbacks.
I want to be clear: there will be more than one event that causes a ripple in your life. They will happen. Some will be worse than others, some will be minor, and some will be so bad that your old high school angst poetry will start to make sense again. The only way to get through it is to keep going. If you stop too long and dwell on the tragedy that is your life, it will suck your soul dry.
There are people who complain about every problem in their life. If you tell them it’s a lovely day, they’ll point out the gray cloud that’s miles away. These are the people who hold on to their misfortunes. They let the negativity flow through them like the blood in our veins—or the wine that has probably taken over mine. The point is, these people don’t move past their setbacks; they live in them and begin to live for them.
Then, there are people who control how life affects them—the ones who wake up and notice the cloud, but acknowledge the sun trying to fight through. They are the ones who push past whatever is in their way. To live this way allows you to feel everything; it allows you to be aware of the pain and learn from the cause, but tolerate it only as a temporary setback. Working through the hard times creates room for good to come your way.
Giving up is the only true way to fail.
Similar to the Christmas song, it has been said many times and in many ways that the only way to fail is to quit. There are plenty of quotes to choose from, such as: “The only failure is not trying” or “The only way to fail is by not getting back up.” However you want to word it to make you feel better about life, the bottom line is don’t stop or let anything stop you.
There are stories left and right about artists and business people who didn’t get to where they wanted to be until much later in life. Does that mean that it will be the case for you? No, but it does mean you shouldn’t be discouraged if life doesn’t happen according to your perfectly drawn out map designed with magazine clippings. It’s okay: I have one too. Some people suggest a “Plan B”, but Will Smith thinks it distracts from “Plan A”. I say don’t forfeit what you want for the pleasures of comfort. Trust yourself.
Turn your setbacks into lessons and use them as a compass. Let them guide you to the next phase of your life, and turn them into something positive. If nothing else, grab a bottle of wine and repeat this little proverb, “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
How do you feel about and deal with failure? Feel free to comment.
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