“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” – Unknown
I have few very close friends. There are several reasons for that: I’m an introvert, and I was afraid of rejection because I know that friendships take time and effort, which I wasn’t always available to give.
The root cause, though, was that I never learned how to be a friend. I wish I had read the art of friendship growing up.
My inability to create and maintain real relationships forced me to look deeper and consider how I could change this. Luckily, I realized I could teach myself to be a better friend and build meaningful connections.
Now, I actively seek out new friendships, evaluate my current ones and fully invest my time and energy in continuing those that have all the elements of an amazing friendship.
It isn’t always easy consider how busy life can get, but it’s definitely worth it. It is never too late to learn to be an amazing friend. Here’re some ideas to start.
Choosing consciously
I never actively chosen my friends; they were always based on proximity and convenience. I yearned for high school and college where friends were widely available, and everyone was in the same boat and open to making friends.
However, most of these friendships didn’t last because I didn’t choose wisely or at all.
Today, I’m selective about who I choose to be friends with. This doesn’t mean that I think I’m better than others. It simply means that I understand how much energy and effort it takes to be an amazing friend—and, quite frankly, that’s what I think a friend deserves.
I am loyal and selfless to the core, and when I choose a friend, I go above and beyond.
Maintaining friendships
I met one of my best friends when I was four years old. My mother was working on a major motion picture and one of her co-workers had a daughter who was a year younger than me. We are completely different people.
While I didn’t consciously choose to be her friend, I do choose to continue investing in our friendship because we are mutually committed to having an amazing friendship.
Learning to listen
What is the value of a friend? For most of us, it is to have someone with whom we can share our feelings, hopes, pains and fears without judgment or ridicule.
I always loved when people would tell me their stories, and always responded by giving advice. In the past, I had a tendency to listen by offering opinions and solutions.
I now understand that I wasn’t really listening to people in a way that facilitates amazing friendships.
A true friend understands that everyone has answers within them. This doesn’t mean that we can’t share our thoughts or insights, but we also need to learn to listen to each other—not to validate our own opinions, but to encourage our friends to explore their own truths.
Vulnerability: the ultimate superpower
Do you tell your friends how much they mean to you, and why? Do you share your struggles and fears? Do you apologize if your hurt someone’s feelings, even if it wasn’t your intention?
All of these things are important if you want to have amazing friendships, and they are only possible if you allow yourself to be vulnerable. I’ve found that by choosing wisely and really listening and being listened to, I have more courage to be vulnerable.
The friendships I haven’t been able to maintain make me all the more grateful for the ones that I do still have. I’m also all the more committed to being an amazing friend in the present by letting my friends know how much I care about them.
My friend, Tracy, and I tell each other how grateful we are for each other every time we’re together. It always makes me smile and I see that smile across her face as well.
Maintaining faith
If you’ve chosen your friends wisely and you both put in the effort, have been vulnerable and accountable, then you assuredly have an awesome friendship. However, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t misunderstandings or disappointments.
One of the most important friends in my life is my sister. She is loving and funny, and lives hundreds of miles away. I’ve felt hurt by her at times and I have hurt her, too, but we always talk it out—no matter how awkward it may be—because we have an amazing friendship!
If there is a moment that you feel betrayed or hurt, try not to give up. Feel your pain, share it and work through it. It is easier to walk away in the short term, but the creation and maintenance of amazing friendships will be beneficial to you for the rest of your life.
Your future self will be thankful when you see that you’re surrounded by true love and people who have your back.
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