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Sometimes the dating scene can be tricky business. One minute you’re getting all the right signals from a guy and then suddenly he’s gone. Here’s what to do
There can be nothing worse than seeing a guy, for weeks, or maybe months and then one day they suddenly disappear.
The calls stop, the texts are less frequent and you see them for dates even less. Just as things are progressing nicely, it all stops and he’s gone.
When this happens our first reaction is to want to know why. We want reasons; we want to talk about it so we can understand it better.
Then once we know, we’re meant to feel more satisfied and complete, which allows us to move on.
It’s a scenario that might sound familiar to you. Luckily, we’ve got everything you need to know about what to do when this happens.
First of all, the key is establishing the cause of his sudden disappearance.
Has he been slowly easing contact with you over a period of time, gradually fading you out of his life? Or has it come out of the blue, without any warning?
There can be a number of different reasons why he’s left you in the lurch.
He could be scared of commitment. It’s possible that he enjoys being single too much and didn’t want to give that up for you.
Sometimes, men like being single so they feel like they are making the most of their youth.
They might not want to feel like they are being tied down or trapped in a relationship so decided to back off a little.
Or maybe it’s possible that the closer he felt himself getting to you, his natural reaction was to pull away and protect himself for the fear that he might get hurt in the long run.
Maybe he felt uncomfortable discussing this with you so his instinctive reaction was to push you away.
Has he been hurt in the past? Is he ready for a relationship? Is he scared of long-term commitment? These are all questions you should ask yourself.
It’s definitely one reason that could explain his disappearance but you’re the only person who is going to have the best idea if this is the case.
He might just not be that into you. It sounds harsh and it is, but it’s nothing to do with you. For whatever reason, he might have realized he doesn’t like you as much as he first thought he did.
Maybe he met someone else or realized he didn’t see things going anywhere in the long term and just disappeared.
Often breaking up with girls is a conversation guys dread, so they want to take the easy way out and just avoid the topic altogether.
They want to move on, and sometimes they might not know exactly why they’re not satisfied with your relationship anymore. They don’t want to admit they don’t have all the answers so just leave things with you unanswered.
He could have noticed you were beginning to show more interest and lost interest himself. Now bear with me on this one; I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t show interest to a guy but it’s all about the way you do it.
You need to communicate you like someone from a place of strength, so make it clear that you like them but are not prepared to sit around waiting, unless they feel the same way about you.
As soon as somebody thinks you’re static that’s when they take their foot off the pedal. They start assuming you’ll always be there, no matter what, and that’s when they stop chasing and start disappearing.
You are the only person who can try and assess what’s happened and then once you do, you have several options what to do next.
Now here comes the more tricky part, what should you be doing next?
Do you call him first to see what the situation is? Well, this depends on you. Do you feel like you need answers in order for you to move on? Or can you accept the fact he has treated you badly and let that be enough of a reason?
Whatever his own personal reasons for ‘ghosting’ you, you need to ask yourself is this the way you should be treated? Is this the kind of behavior you deserve?
Unless you have strong reasons to believe there’s more to it than the simple explanation of him not liking you enough anymore, then I would advise against wasting any more of your time on him.
Sometimes this can be hard to accept, but you really need to trust that it’s for the best.
All the great love stories didn’t start with Romeo abandoning Juliet, or Mr. Darcy blanking Elizabeth Bennett until he fancied a chat. The best relationships come from a point of mutual investment and mutual attraction.
Everyone deserves to have someone who is prepared to invest in them and not drop them whenever they feel like it. Plus if he’s done it once, what’s to say he won’t do it again in the future?
But I understand everyone is different and has different opinions on what is right, so if you do still want to contact him for whatever reason, then make sure you do it in the right way.
Drop him a text or give him a quick ring but if he doesn’t answer your calls or texts the first time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of becoming the whining, nagging girl that keeps messaging and refuses to take a hint.
It’s possible weeks, months or even years later he might reappear and try contacting you again. Now it’s entirely up to you what to do if this happens.
You might have moved on and aren’t interested anymore, or maybe you are still curious why he ever disappeared in the first place. You might not know the reason behind him suddenly avoiding you but do you really need a reason?
He stopped trying to contact you, which basically means, he stopped caring how you were, and when someone stops caring it’s usually because they are no longer interested in them.
The sooner you realize this, the happier you’ll be in the long run. Just ask yourself, why is he trying to talk to you now after so long without contact? What’s changed?
He was prepared to lose you without any kind of explanation, apology or reason. Now is that really the kind of person you want to have a future with?
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Living in the heart of London, Alexandra is currently studying journalism at City University. Self-confessed lipstick addict, puppy lover, horse rider and designer handbag enthusiast, she enjoys writing for a range of fashion and beauty magazines.
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