In movies, sex is often shown as something that is spontaneous and the two people doing it don’t have a care in the world. In reality, women often worry about a lot before they hop into bed.
I feel like all of us ladies have been there- we can’t enjoy sex due to worrying about many aspects of it, and inner insecurities that may prevent pleasure.
It’s not fun, especially when you just want to feel pleasure and have a good time. Of course, there are some things to worry about- pregnancy, STD’s, things of that nature.
But there are other things you shouldn’t have to worry about- read more to know what that is.
For guys, it seems to be easy. There is such a double standard, and if a male sleeps with a woman, he is often praised. But if a woman sleeps with someone, there is often worry that she will then be labeled as “slutty” or something of that nature.
I can assure you that is not something you should be worrying about. First off, your sex life is your business, nobody else’s. You should be focusing on feeling good and getting pleasure, not whether what you are doing may alter your reputation in some way.
How many people you have slept with or who you’re sleeping with does not define you. This isn’t the olden days- women do not just sleep with the person they marry.
If that is right for you, then that also is not wrong at all, but no woman should feel dirty or slut shamed for the natural act that is sex.
I’m going to discuss a few things that women worry about when it comes to their vagina in bed- and I am going to break it down into a few categories.
Women worry about so much when it has to do with their vagina, and I am going to discuss a few of those topics. One of the first is how “loose” or “tight” they are. Guys often like to talk about this- and how a so-called “tight” vagina is the best.
Women often worry that if they have had a lot of sex, then their vagina is not going to feel tight to their partner.
First off, anyone that feels the need to discuss something like that- how loose or tight you are- is someone you should think twice about sleeping with.
That is disgusting and immature. But that is absolutely something you do not have to worry about, that if you have had a lot of sex that your vagina is not going to feel good to your partner.
That is a myth that vaginas can get “loose”. When it comes to this topic, you really do have nothing to worry about- and no respectable person you are with will even think about this or discuss it.
This has to do with a few aspects- just the general outward appearance of your vagina- and also pubic hair- whether you have it, or not. Just like how each vagina feels, every vagina looks different as well.
I can assure you, anyone you sleep with will not care how your vagina looks. Even if yours doesn’t look like an image that you may have seen- online, in person, or in porn even, yours is still normal.
It will never be “gross” or not what a vagina is supposed to look like. This goes for pubic hair as well, style it how you want.
The person you are with will not care about this, even if you feel embarrassed because you haven’t shaved in a few days- I promise you, they don’t care.
This also goes for a couple of aspects- being vocal in the sense of voicing what you want and if something feels good or not, and also being vocal if something feels good.
You have every right to be honest with the person if what they are doing feels good to you or not- if something they are doing does not feel okay, or is not doing anything for you, express it!
Of course, you don’t have to be rude about it, but how else is your partner supposed to know what you like if you are keeping it from them?
You shouldn’t have to fake it, and you aren’t being pushy or too assertive. You also should not worry about noises you make when you are having sex.
Of course, know your surroundings. For instance, if you are having sex and you partner’s family or roommates are home, maybe don’t be moaning at the top of your lungs. But if you are in a space where you can be as noisy as you want, take full advantage of it.
Honestly, silent sex is pretty awkward. Even if you are a “screamer”, don’t feel ashamed. Moaning and making noises is hot- and it can let your partner know what feels good or not.
There is no shame at all in being vocal, in either of these aspects. It is absolutely not something for you to worry about.
This one can be really hard- it is absolutely one of the top things that I worry about in bed, and I feel as though so many women do. Typically, if you are having sex, you are naked. Or wearing minimal clothing.
This leaves your body exposed, and I know you vulnerable it can make you feel. It’s scary, especially if you have body image issues. I know for some women, this may be the hardest thing on the list to “get over” your worry of.
When someone is having sex with you, they are not caring about your weight- or any extra fat you may think you have (you don’t- we are all our own worst critics).
Every little thing that you may worry about with your body- the person you are having sex with is not noticing. Chances are, they just think you’re very attractive.
They were attracted enough to you to want to have sex with you. I know this can be really hard- and many women, including myself can often feel insecure having sex with the lights on.
I assure you, you don’t have to feel insecure about this, but nothing wrong with dimming some lights. It also can set the mood. It breaks my heart when I see women so insecure about having sex due to body image issues.
I promise, the person you are sleeping with is not noticing any of the things you can’t stand about your body and think make you unattractive.
Everyone has different things that they enjoy in bed, no two people are the same. Some people have their kinks- some can definitely be quite out there.
But you do not have to feel ashamed about what you enjoy in bed. Whether you have a favorite position, love oral more than anything, or have a certain way you like your partner to get the job done- nothing is weird. Your pleasure is important.
This also goes for the person you are sleeping with. They may be into or want to try things in bed that you never have before. If you are comfortable with it and consenting, give it a try.
You also do not have to worry about trying out anything new, if you want to. Who knows, you may discover something new that you love to do in bed.
Sex can be scary, without a doubt. Like I said before, it is often not so spontaneous and a lot more thought tends to go into it. Often though, one thing that holds us back from truly enjoying sex is our own insecurities.
Everything on this list, all women tend to worry about. You’re not alone. Though I do promise, you don’t have to worry. Enjoy yourself, and feel good. Do you have any other advice about combating worries in bed? If so, leave a comment below!
Lindsay is a nursing student (aka a walking zombie from no sleep) that has always had a knack for writing, and she also loves high fashion and beauty. She also has a big passion for cooking and loves coming up with a bunch of healthy recipes to share.
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