Sexual performance anxiety is such a killer in the bedroom. You are worried about whether he’s enjoying himself, he’s worried about whether you are, you’re both worried that you’ll make the other person feel bad if your bodies don’t show that you’re both enjoying yourselves… it’s a recipe for disaster.
If your man seems to be having problems in the bedroom, or you don’t understand why he doesn’t find it easy to climax with you, don’t assume that there is something wrong with him, or worse that you’re doing something wrong. There is probably nothing wrong with either of you.
Many women assume that all men find it incredibly easy to climax during sex, in fact there is so much feedback from couples to insinuate that the more likely problem a man will experience is premature ejaculation – because apparently this is precisely how easy it is for a guy to come.
The fact is that it is just as likely for a man to find it difficult to reach his climax, or to lose his erection. Don’t worry though, there are a number of possible explanations, and it is not necessarily a reflection on you.
Maybe he is just tired?
Often the problem is simply that he is too tired to focus. A long day may have left him feeling fatigued, a hard day a work may mean his mind is elsewhere, or one too many drinks at the weekend can leave him feeling too drowsy and relaxed, with little energy to reach the finish line.
Perhaps his erection is having difficulty, or he doesn’t have enough energy to reach ejaculation.
Don’t take it personally. Focus instead on your own pleasure. Every man wants to please and pleasure the woman he is in bed with, often even more so than reaching a conclusion himself!
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Maybe he masturbates a lot?
Some man have admitted to masturbating to the extent of actually finding it difficult to climax through any other kind of stimulation.
This doesn’t meant that you aren’t doing it right, it just means that he isn’t accustomed to different ways of being stimulated, because he has conditioned himself to responding to his own well-practiced methods.
Many men tend to use a fairly vigorous self-masturbation technique that is difficult to replicate, perhaps even with the use of a rough towel, so when it comes to a female’s touch or the soft penetration of sexual intercourse, there may not be the amount of pressure or rhythm that he is used to using to get himself off.
The good news is that these men know the problem, and actually aren’t too bothered about not being able to climax during sex. They will quite happily get their release later on and spend the time enjoying finding ways of pleasuring you.
If you are with one of these guys then count yourself lucky that he can go for ages and ages without climax because it means you have more chance than most women of reaching a penetrative orgasm yourself!
Lay back and enjoy yourself…
Are condoms the problem?
If a man is not used to using condoms, then wearing one can be quite a disappointing experience for him because his penis will feel a lot less sensitive.
Some men even say that they can’t feel a thing after a while when wearing a condom, it just becomes numb. In fact spermicides used inside condoms can often have a negative effect on sensations.
There are different kinds of condoms you can use to increase sensitivity, including thinner materials and ones that include lubricants designed for stimulation. If condoms are the problem, then why not try to view sex in a different way?
Intercourse can be more about helping you to achieve your orgasm, and experimenting with new positions, and oral sex can be more about pleasuring him later. There is no rule to say that you both need to be working towards reaching your climax simultaneously.
A man’s orgasm and ejaculation aren’t the same thing
It is a common misconception that a man orgasms when he ejaculates. The two are mixed up and counted as one because they so often occur at the same time, but actually a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating at all, and vice versa.
You will know whether your man has ejaculated because you will feel the semen seep out afterwards, but there isn’t necessarily a sign to show when he has peaked without ejaculating.
You could always ask him to give you a sign when he’s climaxed… tell him you want to know when he orgasms because it turns you on!
Anticipation can ruin the moment
Normally I like to say that anticipation is a turn on, but there are times when too much of it can have the complete opposite effect. Too much pressure might lead to an anticlimax. the imagination is a powerful force and sometimes the reality of the situation doesn’t live up to expectations.
When you place high expectations upon anything in life you risk disappointment.
You may have been imagining hot, steamy, out-of-this-world sex because of all the saucy dirty talk you’ve been having over the phone, but when it comes down to it the vibe may turn out to be different and an evening of kisses and cuddles is inevitable because you’re both way too nervous to perform everything that you have been describing in such graphic detail.
Physical attraction turn-off
There is no point in lying to you though. While the reason for his lack of orgasm could be any one of the number of things I have described above, it could just as well be down to the unfortunate truth that he doesn’t find you physically attractive.
Maybe he thought he did, or maybe he thought it was a good idea because you said yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he feels the right way about you.
If he’s not attracted, then he’s not attracted, and if you find yourself in bed with a man who is having difficulties with his erection, you may end up having to face up to the fact that you were too willing and he didn’t refuse the opportunity.
You still don’t need to feel too bad about it though, because there could be a number of reasons he isn’t attracted to you, and it’s not the end of the world.
For example, maybe you get along so great as mates that it suddenly feels weird or inappropriate to be in an intimate situation with you. Or maybe he has a strange aversion to certain bodily features and discovering them on you turns him off, but he can’t help it because it’s just his personal preference – tattoos, excessive belly fat, no pubic hair.