Relationship

21 Ways to Screw Up a Great Relationship

Whether you have just met the man of your dreams or have hit a rocky patch in a long term relationship, the following article will show you what not to do to enable you to enjoy a long and happy relationship.

We have all said and done things we in relationships that we regret, after all we are all human and nobody is perfect. However there are some surefire ways to seriously mess up any relationship, so if you want your relationship to last, then make sure you do the opposite to the things mentioned in this article.

1. Talk about your ex

Your fella will love nothing more than being constantly compared to your ex. So do make sure you talk about your ex flame at every available opportunity and reminisce about all the great times you had together. Oh and don’t forget to mention the hot sex. To really impress your new man you can even compare their genetalia.

2. Lie

young couple in nice room

The bigger the better. Perhaps there is something you don’t want to reveal about yourself; like your secret children, sex change, or estranged husband. Or perhaps you would like to pretend you are someone you are not to further impress your beau. If in doubt about his potential reaction just lie, he will never find out and even if he does, remember most people don’t mind being lied to. It’s a great way to build up trust.

3. Be possessive

He’s all yours and nobody else’s and you are going to make sure everyone knows it. In fact he isn’t even ‘his’ anymore. If he wants to go anywhere without you; don’t let him and be sure to create a scene. If he does manage to go out alone, demand he calls you on a regular basis informing you of his whereabouts, even if he is at work.

4. Be jealous 

A brilliant strategy to ensure you screw up your relationship is to be constantly jealous and suspect everyone of foul play. The more public your tantrum and overt display of irrationality; the better. So, he thinks he will be spending time with his grandma this Sunday does he? Well, you can nip that kind of behavior in the bud straight away. There is nothing like irrational behavior to send your guy packing. If you don’t like making public displays it’s okay to sit at home and seethe instead. This way you can make up scenarios in your head which not only works a treat but ends up making everyone else feel miserable too.

5. Be self-obsessed

You are the best thing that ever sashayed into your man’s life and you need to make sure he knows it. Ensure you look in the mirror at every available opportunity and speak endlessly about your many achievements. If you can mention the number of lovers you have had (especially if it’s in double figures) more the better. Also, when eating, make sure that instead of enjoying your meal you pick over it just so he knows how obsessed you are with your figure. That’s dead attractive.

6. Use emotional blackmail

couple quarrels at restaurant and girl screams at the guy

You know the type of thing, make him feel guilty in any way you can. If you have done anything for him, make it clear that you expect something in return. This strategy works really well when you have done something for him that he didn’t actually ask you to do. And remember, if he wants a night out with his mates; beg him to stay with you because you are feeling lonely/ depressed/ ill. You get the picture. Top points if you can blame him for your unhappiness in some way.

7. Don’t give him space to be himself

So he likes a bit of amateur dramatics in his spare time does he? Lucky he met you then to show him what a professional drama queen can achieve. Or perhaps he likes to express himself via the clothes he wears or the music he listens to. Maybe he likes to go for a run, or sailing, or enjoys a bit of golf now and then. If you really want to screw up then under no circumstances give him the space to be himself. Don’t embrace any growth or change, unless it’s one you have forced upon him.

8. Try to change him

What you liked about him in the first place is actually quite boring and frustrating now. His inability to work a washing machine which you once found endearing is quite annoying and his passion for his hobbies pathetic. You need to make him see the world from your view point, so that he can compromise his core beliefs for yours. That way he can walk your path and you can grow together. The more you thrust your opinions and lifestyle on him the better.

9. Never apologize

And I mean never. What’s the point in apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong? It may take two to tango but we are not on a dance show, this is real life. Don’t be weak and apologize, if anything string it out and sulk a little too. And don’t accept his apology either.

10. Take him for granted

Now he is yours he will always be there to cater for your every need right? He will be there to pick you up after a night out with your friends, change your light bulbs, fix things around the home and take your clothes to the cleaners. He will be at your beck and call whenever you need. Hell, after a while you can even stop thanking him. He won’t need it. He will be like an invisible support.

11. Be an energy vampire

woman with vampire teeth

Here is your chance to take his energy and swap it for your own depleted stuff. Become the needy individual that you truly are and take him down with you; take your bite and make sure its deep. Make sure you drain him so that your relationship is completely unbalanced. Negativity and self-pity thrive on company and it’s always better to wallow in your pit together.

12. Lose the mystique

Maintain more intimacy by letting him in on all your beauty secrets. Let him see you shave your legs or go for a pee; after all you are lovers now right? So surely that should mean you share everything and you don’t need any more of that mystique stuff. Hey, let it all hang out.

13. Don’t let him see his friends (especially ones of the opposite sex)

I mean, come on. He should have no need for friends now he has you to fulfill all his requirements. As for opposite sex friends, get real. All that will happen is that they will end up having hot passionate sex behind your back. Don’t fall for that ’just good friends’ malarkey either, there is no such thing. Of course it’s different for you and your friends of the opposite sex as you really are just good friends.

14. Argue about money

There is nothing like a good old argument over money to set fire to any relationship. It really can drive a wedge between you and ensure that even the nicest of outings are tinged with resentment. In any financial arrangement make sure your needs are met first; it’s perfectly reasonable to max out his credit cards on shoes and handbags.

15. Don’t listen

Sometimes you will have to because he might be talking, but just try not to really listen or empathize with what he is saying. In other words pretend to be listening. It’s actually very easy to do and stops you from being burdened with all his woes. It’s just not healthy to listen to other people’s problems or interests when you have enough of your own.

16. Don’t respect his privacy

Pfft. If he wanted privacy he should have thought about that before he took you home. Surely if you find something personal then you have every right to read it or delve deeper. It’s good to be sneaky and you can always surprise him when he least expects it by revealing to him that you know everything about him. Good work detective.

17. Don’t communicate and keep things to yourself

If you really want an epic fail then you need to stop communicating. Don’t tell him how you feel or what is bothering you. In fact, just refer to point 9 and sulk. Alternatively you could seek some petty revenge for something he is not even aware he is guilty of doing. That will show him.

18. Let yourself go

ginger woman lying on her couch with tablet

He no longer needs to see you at your best. That was just for the chase. You have bagged your man now so you can stop looking after yourself or worry about looking good. Get your baggies on, jump on the sofa and turn on your favorite show; its peanut butter and cookies all the way from here girl.

19. Force the relationship to move on too quickly

He may not be thinking about the name of your first child but you sure the hell are. You have already written his surname next to your own umpteen times. After all that’s the whole objective of relationships isn’t it, to get hitched and multiply? No point in taking it slowly and seeing what happens. Get your guy down the aisle before it’s too late, that biological clock of yours won’t be ticking forever.

20. Be disrespectful to his loved ones

Especially his mother and any sisters.

They will be out for you anyway so you may as well get in there first. Bring them into line and show them who’s boss. Surely his mother will thank you for showing a bit of dominance and taking her son away, after all she must need a break from caring for him after all these years.

21. Have an affair

This really is the pièce de résistance, the Golden Globe if you like. If you really want to add some fizz to your relationship then make sure you have an affair. For extra kudos make sure the affair is with his best mate or his brother. For top marks you could always go for his dad (or mom).

So there you have it, the ultimate guide to screwing up a great relationship. Should you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then my advice to you is to stop them straight away.

I wish you a long and happy relationship.

About the author

Eleanor Goold

As well as being an avid reader, Eleanor is also a big time animal lover; especially of dogs. If you have a tail, four legs and you bark…. you’re in! In her spare time she enjoys swimming, and vegetable gardening… but not at the same time (it can get a bit messy).

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