You and your partner, like everybody else, have good periods, and not so good ones. Sometimes, the other kind will put your whole relationship in jeopardy. How much effort should you put in this process of reconnection, and how to approach it, are just some of the questions you will ask yourself.
We know that almost everything is fixable, and here are a few ways to set your relationship back on track, or at least know that you gave it your best shot.
1. Small Things Versus Big Things
We mostly fight about unimportant things, while thinking about the real issue. That bigger problem must be addressed. If you are not talking about it, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. Forget about small disagreements, even when you really don’t want to, and focus on the problem.
First you have to find it and understand it, but usually, the search shouldn’t take long. The chances are you are thinking about it 24/7, and just have to communicate about it in an honest way. It won’t be easy, but, without it, the process is doomed from the start.
2. Blame Game
Like small fights and jabs, blaming one another is an easy way to instantly feel better and relieve the pressure you’re bound to be feeling (before you start to feel really bad about yourself for using that kind of dirty tactic).
Avoid them, and if you feel like you can’t, explain to your partner exactly what you feel and why do you think it’s in some way their fault. Especially point out that your aim isn’t to hurt them, but to try to resolve the thing you see as a problem.
3. Good Sex
After the “cold” period, if you start to warm up to one another again, the physical part of your love life will probably be great. This can be seen as a bigger version of the ‘’make up sex’’ phenomenon. But, don’t be fooled. It may feel great and fulfilling, even brand new and exciting, but good sex can also be just a distraction and a passing phase if those underlying issues are not resolved, and your relationship is right back at another cold phase.
If you had a big falling out moment, accept the fact that your relationship may never be the same as before. It may get even better than you remember it, if you’re successful, but it will never be the same. Whatever the outcome, the fact of the matter is that this experience has, in some way, changed you, as well as your partner. As a result, you became different people, and your relationship cannot be resurrected in the same shape and form.
5. Broken is Broken
Be aware that the end result may be that you two split up for good. Nothing is guaranteed, and relationships are no exception. This may sound terrible, and will, if you truly wanted to reconnect, feel terrible. After a while, when this relationship is behind you, at least you’ll have the knowledge that you tried and that it simply wasn’t meant to be.
Reconnection won’t be easy. It won’t be fast. Worst of all, it may be fruitless.
If you’re ready to devote yourself to this process, you still have strong feelings for your partner, and you want to stay together. You’re still in love, in some way, and remember that when this fixing business gets hard.
Your feelings about your partner are the strongest things that can help you stay the course.