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Of all people you’d fall in love with, narcissistic people are the ones you’d have a hard time dealing with (and saying goodbye to). Here’s how to dodge one
When the word “narcissist” is thrown around and it catches your ear, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Right. It is a person who, let’s say, puts himself first more than anything or anyone else.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) recognizes a narcissistic behavior as a mental condition and this only goes to say that being in a relationship with someone who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t something to take lightly.
Having read such manual from cover to cover during my years in college (and some random days when I feel like judging and labeling my exes, just kidding!) I can tell you narcissists can be quite of a challenge to spot, especially if you’re the naive type.
So in an effort to help you get to know him for who he truly is before you fall head over heels for him, here are the most obvious signs you should look for.
When you’re together, what are the things that he normally talks about? Oh yeah, himself, how much of an achiever in life he is, and how he’s just the guy that every girl has been dreaming about.
It’s pretty standard for narcissists to engage in conversations but not one that they can’t dominate and not one that doesn’t put them in the spotlight.
So, if he could talk all day long about how “exciting and awesome” his life is and he doesn’t pause for a second to pretend that he is interested in knowing what your life is all about, it’s another sign that he’s a narcissist.
You can deal with this by just listening to him as there’s no point in trying to prove that your life matters, too because it only does for him while you serve the purpose he has for you.
This sign is mostly evident during the early stages of dating. He can be intensely charming and romantic because he’s trying to make you impressed of who he is so he can win you over after.
But when he’s finally gotten you to like (and probably sleep) with him, you’d then see how he can become disinterested afterward. Yes, we know this hurts but this is the sad reality when you’re dating a genuine narcissist.
Narcissists possess an innate sense of superiority and they think that they’re above everyone – even the law. So take notice if he speeds, parks in illegal parking areas, cuts lines, and breaks appointments most of the time.
If he does and he takes pride and pleasure in doing so, it’s one of many signs that he’s a narcissist. You may want to call him out for his behavior but be warned: he may pretend to hear you but chances are he won’t listen and follow your advice only because he thinks he’s above you (and pretty much everyone else) so why would he take an order from you, right?
Or anyone’s feeling, in general. The only reason you exist in his eyes is because you will cater to his needs. On the flip side, he couldn’t care less if he’s meeting your needs or not.
He may even be fo as far as creating an illusionary world where you don’t have needs so he won’t have to be guilty of not fulfilling his boyfriend duties.
This is one of many signs that your boyfriend is a narcissist which you have to spot the earliest time possible.
When you do, you may think about sticking around for a little while (because you already have feelings for him) to see if he is going to wake up one day realizing you matter. You’d only set yourself up for a major disappointment because he won’t.
It’s okay to be challenged from time to time to do the things you’re not willing to do under normal circumstances as it helps you get out of your comfort zone.
However, if he doesn’t take “No” for an answer, coerces you into doing the opposite of what you wanted to do, and attempts to overturn your personal decisions, it’s another glaring sign that your boyfriend is a narcissist.
You can deal with it by being firm about your personal choices and preferences and if he still disrespects them, without any sign of remorse, you should leave that narcissist before anything serious (and dangerous) happens to you.
When you go out on dates, notice how he treats service people. Does he order them around like he’s a king? Does he pick on them? Does he treat them like dirt? Does he say “Thank you” and “Please”? We’ll take a guess: he does none of the above, right?
It’s because he expects people (including you) to treat him like he’s some VIP. While there’s nothing wrong to desire preferential treatment from time to time, it’s horrible behavior to be disrespectful to people around you if they don’t do so.
When it comes to your relationship, there’s nothing wrong with making him feel like a king from time to time but it’s totally stupid to continue doing so if he doesn’t return to you the same favor.
Have you ever felt like you’re a puppet in the relationship? If so, this could be because your boyfriend is a narcissist who wants to take control of you, your personal life, and the relationship you have with him.
He’s the one who always makes the decisions (both the small and the major) for you both and if you ever attempt to give your two cents about it (or anything that concerns both of you in general), he shuts you out right away.
Try disobeying him or making decisions without consulting him. You’d be shocked as to how he can get so angry for he feels that he is no longer in control.
He can also give you the cold shoulder when he doesn’t get what he wants and if these situations are something you go through often, you’d be better off walking away from such a manipulative relationship.
Isn’t it crazy how he expects you to worship him but he can’t even give you the treatment you deserve? Yes, you should be alarmed if he doesn’t show signs of being committed to you especially if you’ve been dating for some time now.
There are many reasons behind men not being able to commit to a serious and exclusive relationship but the reason behind a narcissist reluctance to commit is his ego.
He wants people around him to be constantly amazed by his grand life and they won’t be if he sticks to one relationship only.
The only reason he’s still with you is that he’s still searching for someone better who he can charm next. When that happens, he’d leave you for her so you better open your eyes wide and see him for who he truly is now before you get your heart broken so badly.
Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person isn’t going to be easy. Most of the times, it won’t be worth all the effort and pain. So decide wisely. Stay only if you know you can handle it but leave if you know he’s beyond help from someone like you.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? What pieces of advice would you like to share to everyone who is with one currently? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.
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