Women who have been cheated on love differently. But, before they let their guard down and give their heart to a man, there are a number of things they need him to know.
Being cheated on by someone you trusted and probably gave your life to isn’t an experience anyone looks forward to, but, for a number of reasons, cheating happens, causing broken hearts and tattered souls.
Some people take only days or weeks to get over those they loved (or at least they’re successful in pretending they’ve really moved on).
For other, it seems to take forever to move on. They’re haunted by the terrible past every waking hour, and bitterness seems to be their constant companion.
So, to the men who are reading this, know that dating a woman who has been cheated on isn’t for the faint of heart. If you can’t ensure that she doesn’t go through the same pain (or even worse) that she’s dealt with before, don’t even attempt to get her attention.
As Bob Marley said, don’t even dare to awaken her love if you don’t have any intentions of loving her. However, if you want her so badly that you’re ready to take on any challenge just to prove this to her, here are eight important things that you should know.
Yes, you may say that she has trust issues, but it’s only because of the traumatic experience she has been through. It’s definitely not because of you (it’s not your fault that the last guy she’s been with was a jerk).
Try to be understanding of her behavior, and work towards proving that you’re worth her trust and her heart. She’ll let her guard down once she knows that you can be trusted.
She might have rushed things in her previous relationship, and she doesn’t want to make the same mistake again. For this reason, she wants to take her time in getting to know who you really are and what your intentions are.
Patience is key here. It will also help that you’re consistent with what you do and say so tat she doesn’t doubt your reasons for pursuing her.
Aside from the fact that she wants to be close to the people who are close to you, she also wants to know that the buddies and girlfriends you mention actually exist (and that they really are just friends).
She may also insist on being with you when you see your friends not because she’s being clingy and absurd, but because she wants to see how you behave with your friends around.
This can be tiring, but bear with her. Even if everything’s going smoothly in your relationship, she sometimes can’t keep her fears at bay.
Thus, regular reassurance from you is necessary at times. You need to remind her that you love her genuinely and ensure that your words match your actions. Never dismiss her emotions; be sure to validate them each time. She’ll do the same for you, too, if you feel insecure.
If you have a boys’ night out, she may ask where it is happening, who are you with and when will you be home. When you’re on your phone, she may ask what you’re reading or looking at, if you’re texting or who is it that you’re interacting with.
When this happens, remind yourself that she’s not being nosy—she’s trying to deal with her own fears. Answer her questions straight up and assure her again about how this is not something that she should worry about.
If you’ve been cheated on before or have dated women who weren’t worth your love, let her know. This way, she won’t feel alone and she’ll feel more connected to you because of your mutual experience. You’ll find that she’ll be more open to you if you are open to her, too.
White lies are still lies. If you can’t be trusted with small things, then you can’t be trusted with the more important things. Plus, you don’t want to be lied to and neither does she.
So, be honest with the small and big things. She’s a grown-up and, even if the truth hurts, she can handle it. That’s better than being lied to.
She would never wish anyone to experience the pain and troubles she’s experienced, so even if you hurt her, she won’t retaliate by cheating. She’ll let karma do its thing.
The pain and damage cheating causes is immeasurable. Even when you’ve healed, the scar remains, so remember to be careful and handle your woman’s heart with care. You can be sure that she’ll return your love and affection once she’s certain of you. Good luck!
How have you been affected by an ex-partner who cheated on you? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.
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