It’s not easy when you’re in a relationship but have eyes for someone else. The situation isn’t as tricky as you might think. Here’s how to deal with it.
First comes love… then comes falling in love with someone else? That may not be how the story goes, but sometimes, you end up caring about two guys at the exact same time.
While this may seem super awkward – and it definitely falls into that category – all hope is not lost.
You can still work out your feelings and take action. This doesn’t have to mean that your life is totally and completely ruined, even though it might feel that way.
If you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Read on to find out how to deal.
The first thing that you have to do when you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else is picture yourself breaking up with your current boyfriend.
Close your eyes if that helps the exercise. How would you feel? Would you be devastated? Miserable? Relieved?
If you feel relief at the thought of ending things, then you definitely aren’t in the right relationship for you and you have to dump this guy for real.
It’s basically like the guy that you have a crush on outside of your actual relationship is a catalyst for realizing what is wrong with your situation. You may not see that right now but that’s exactly what is going on.
On the other hand, if you start crying at the very thought of losing this guy that has been a huge part of your life for so long, then realize that the crush might be a momentary blimp on the horizon of your epic love story.
Sometimes a crush is just that: a crush. You’re human, after all. You’re not immune to thinking a guy is hot and attractive just because you’re already taken.
The truth is that you might be in love with someone else… but that might not mean that you’re destined to be with that guy.
Maybe the fact that you have feelings outside of your current relationship only means one thing: that you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend.
You should use that information to your advantage and be glad that you’ve figured that out.
You can save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak if you end things as soon as you possibly can. Life is way too short to stay in a relationship that’s not working anymore.
If you think that you’ve fallen in love with someone else for a reason – that you’re supposed to be with him instead – then you definitely need to tell him.
But only after you’ve already made a clean break from your BF, of course.
You already know that cheating is pretty much the worst thing you could do in a serious relationship, but if you’re wondering what to do when you’re in a relationship but in love with someone, here’s the deal: don’t cheat. Just don’t do it.
You’re not going to feel better after – in fact, you’re going to feel a whole lot worse.
And that’s not going to give you any clarity or help you choose between the two guys. It’s just going to confuse you even more.
Keep your head held high and your dignity as well. Don’t let your boyfriend ever say that you cheated and that you need to be blamed. You don’t need that.
Think about whether you could really see yourself with the person that you are in love with.
Is he even single? If he is on his own, is he looking for a girlfriend? What if he’s also part of a couple?
Be realistic about whether you two could ever really be together. It’s possible that your feelings are just that – feelings – and that you don’t really need to act on them.
Maybe this guy is your work BFF and that’s why you feel so totally emotionally attached to him. It could just be an emotional affair.
While that’s not great and not fair to your boyfriend, it’s not the end of the world and it’s not as bad as physically cheating.
If you know that this guy would make a great boyfriend and that he wants to be with you for real, well, then that’s a totally different story. That just might be the best thing for you.
When you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, the next thing that you can do is consider staying right where you are. Sure, you might not want to do that… but think about it. Really think about it.
Why do you have feelings for someone else? Is it because your relationship has become super boring and you and your BF have become complacent?
Anyone would think about leaving their partner for a shiny new person if they were spending every single night eating take-out and watching television. That’s just not exciting.
Think about saying and what you could do to make your relationship work once again.
After all, you’re most likely with him for a reason, right? There was something that drew you to each other and there must be a reason that you are still together today.
This may sound crazy – and okay, it is kind of nuts – but you might want to talk to your boyfriend.
That’s because at the end of the day, a relationship pretty much survives or dies out based on how well each person communicates.
You have probably heard that proper communication is the key to having a proper, healthy relationship… and in this case, that’s a popular saying for good reason.
Tell your BF what’s going on. Say that you don’t feel like you two are really in the best possible position these days and that you have started having romantic feelings for someone else.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is be honest and see how he reacts.
He might be totally miserable at hearing the news – and you won’t be able to blame him – or he might be glad because it proves that something has been wrong between you for a while.
He might say that he really wants to make things work and he might re-commit to you all over again. That would be the best case scenario, right?
You might want to hide under the covers forever and you might hate yourself for crushing on another guy when you already have a boyfriend.
Don’t do that, no matter how tempted you might be. Remember this: you’re not a bad person. You don’t need to feel guilty.
Cut yourself some slack because the honest truth is that if you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, this situation could happen to literally anyone.
You can’t help who you’re attracted to and sometimes your feelings and heart and hormones get the best of you.
That honestly might be all that’s happening here. It’s just a fantasy and it’s not something that you can control.
The sad thing is that you might not end up with either one of these guys. That can sometimes be what happens in a love triangle and that’s kind of what you are a part of right now.
If you end up single once again, don’t be depressed. Seriously, put down the mint chocolate chip ice cream, forget the red wine and turn off the chick flicks.
Stop sobbing and texting your BFF that it’s a state of emergency in your heart right about now.
This might be the best thing that could happen. If you don’t end up with either your BF or the other object of your affection, guess what? You weren’t meant to be with either of them. Really and truly.
Be glad that you know the truth and that this crazy confusing time in your life is over. Focus on living your life, being you, and being ready the next time that love comes your way. And this time, it will be for real.
If you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, this should help you figure out your true feelings and what action you should take next.
You definitely want to act sooner rather than later to avoid a super sticky mess. As long as you can handle this like the mature woman that you are, you should be totally fine.
Have you ever been in love with another guy while you were still with your boyfriend? Do you think that a relationship can ever be saved when that happens? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.
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