Is It Love at First Sight?
Suzi Malin, in her book Love At First Sight: Why You Love Who You Love (Malin: 2004), establishes three interesting ‘Visual Love Categories’. By comparing thousands of pictures of famous couples, she noticed patterns which suggest that we initially fall in love with people visually. Yes – there is such a thing as love at first sight! Woohoo.
This is important because it means that if you have your eye on a guy, there are a few sneaky tests you can do to see if he is likely to fall in love with you instantly, or if it’s going to require more effort on your part to draw his attention to aspects of your personality he may be more likely to fall for.
Suzi suggests that the three ‘Visual Love Categories’ are:
- Harmonism (or ‘proportion’) – This is where you and your love interest share the same facial proportions. You can actually measure this mathematically with photos, get the book to find out how!
- Echoism (or ‘shape’) – This is where there is a resemblance between you that is echoed in the actual shapes present in certain parts of your face.
- Prima Copulism (or ‘first bond’) – This is an attraction which is based on a person’s first ever bond, most likely a mother, close relative or nanny. Mathematical facial proportions are not what is considered here, instead it is the general demeanor of the person.
TIP: If he has it all that’s probably why you have fallen head over heels for him, so check out if you also fall into all three categories and see if you are both a perfect match!
Of course, Love isn’t based entirely on appearances, because relationships are complicated and unpredictable. If you already in a relationship with a man, and want to know whether or not he is right for you before things start to get serious, here are a some important questions to ask yourself…
Do You Bring Out the Best in Each Other?
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Put all soppy romantic and lusty sexual feelings aside for a second, and consider quite seriously whether or not he makes you happy. If he is right for you then you should be living a balanced and emotionally healthy lifestyle, with him enhancing your world, not encompassing it.
A healthy and long-lasting relationship requires two individuals who support each other personally, socially and professionally. Does your relationship have the following?
- Enough space for you both to be individuals, separate from each other.
- Enough support when you need it the most.
- Enough understanding and flexibility to allow each other be human and make mistakes.
- Enough variety to keep each other mentally challenged.
- Enough stability to build and sustain a future together.
Do You Share Common Beliefs and Values?
Whether these are religious beliefs or ideas of discipline methods for children, if there are obvious clashes and little flexibility then one or both of you are going to be stifled at some point, or indeed at many points during your relationship.
A healthy relationship is based upon like-minded attitudes. You don’t have to agree on absolutely everything, but significant or regular clashes are perhaps a sign that you’re not ideal partners. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to make a relationship work, but it will require more effort and understanding than most.
Do You Communicate or Clash?
I have already said it’s okay to have different opinions or ways of doing things, but what is relevant is whether or not you communicate with each other with a clear level of caring and understanding, or whether you end up judging and criticizing each other.
Ask yourself the following questions and see if you and your partner have the right attitude for a long-lasting relationship…
- When you have a disagreement, do you both take on ‘roles’ in which one of you ends up being branded a ‘nag’?
- Do you look for solutions together when you have a problem or is blame thrown around as a defense mechanism?
- Do you both hang on to issues from previous disagreements or negative experiences, and then bring them up to validate your argument?
Do You Have Genuine Fun Together?
Fun should be a natural everyday thing that occurs without you thinking about it. Life is too short to be serious all of the time. Having fun will keep you young and help you to enjoy life and each other even when times are tough.
If you both have a similar sense of humour and enjoy similar interests then you have a stronger chance of being happy long term, and also being able to get through hard times together. If you don’t really get each others sense of fun then you will have more of a challenge and will have to work harder at the relationship.
Relationship Warning Signs to Watch out For
If you are dating someone new and you are still not sure whether or not he is right for you, here are some warning signs to watch out for…
- Possessive behaviour – If he is displaying a little too much jealousy then he may have insecurity issues that he needs to acknowledge and deal with. If you pander to his needs you will only fuel his behaviour, not help him, and you may see it escalate further into the relationship. If he is right for you then he will respect you enough to give you your space and trust you.
- Money issues – If he doesn’t have a steady job, ask yourself why. Is it circumstantial or a personality defect? It’s usually a good idea to go for a guy who is in a similar or better off financial state than you are. If he is tight with his money, be aware that he may have control issues lurking beneath the surface. Or if he is in debt, does he have a gambling or spending habit that you need to know about?
- He loses his temper easily – If your man is short-tempered you need to pay attention to it. Any signs of aggression or bullying could lead to problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with. Get out while you can.
- He is arrogant and treats women badly – If he has no respect for other women, what makes you think he is going to have any respect for you. Watch how he interacts with his mother, sisters, female work collegues.
Cover photo: www.tumblr.com