Normal breakups are hard enough, but it’s even harder to move on from someone who was never yours. Here’s how to move on from an almost relationship.
Walking away from someone you love is a difficult thing to do but sometimes it’s the best option for both of you. You were never in a relationship, so you don’t understand why you’re experiencing the same grief and shock that comes with a breakup.
Except everything you are feeling is normal. Of course, you’re going to be upset, confused, angry – all at once. You thought that you really liked each other, maybe even loved each other, but it ends unexpectedly before it even began. There was no label for what you were to one another, which makes it harder getting over that person.
Life is too short to spend time thinking about what could have been. It didn’t work out this time, but next time you will find someone who wants to be with you officially. Here is what you need to remember when getting over someone who you almost dated.
Even though you weren’t a couple, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be upset about the ‘breakup.’ Pretending that you’re OK and trying to conceal your feelings won’t help. It just means that your feelings are going to build up.
If it mattered to you, then you have every reason to feel what you are feeling. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a notebook. By doing this you are allowing yourself to move on.
It may seem like a small step but it makes so much difference. You have to allow yourself to go through the emotions in order to get over them.
This person meant something to you and now they are not in your life anymore. It’s a great loss. But accepting your feelings will put you on the right path.
Any form of breakup doesn’t usually happen out of the blue, in fact, you probably saw it coming. Consider why it happened. Were you drifting apart? Did you want different things? Were you really happy? Maybe you weren’t right for each other.
It’s hard to accept, especially if you both felt happy, but love isn’t always as straightforward as you would like it to be. This is a different kind of breakup, which means you have to go through different steps to get over them. It starts with you asking yourself why it ended.
It’s easy to start thinking about what could have happened if you had had ‘that’ conversation or if you did something differently. The truth is you can’t allow yourself to think like this otherwise instead of moving forward you’ll continue living in the past.
Almost relationships can often be built on fantasies alone, which makes it harder to let go. They were never really yours but maybe you loved the idea of them more than the person. Perhaps you thought that you would be great together, but in reality, you weren’t meant to be.
You never had what official couples have. You never had a chance to see what could have happened and that leaves you to wonder constantly about an alternate reality where you two are together and everything is perfect.
But that’s not real life. They were never perfect. You never reached a point where the relationship is tested. Everything could have been different.
Maybe you would have realized that you have less in common than you thought or maybe you would have fallen out of love. There are so many possibilities but you shouldn’t overthink everything. It’s over, so you need to pick yourself back up.
Under no circumstances should you contact someone you are trying to get over. It’s not going to help, it will only set you back. Naturally, you are going to miss them but you have to be strong and hold back from reaching out.
Avoid looking at their social media accounts at all costs. You’ll experience that sinking feeling when you realize they have probably moved on. And this will leave you with so many unanswered questions. Did they feel anything for you? Is this a tactic to make you jealous?
They might be missing you too or maybe they’ve already moved on, but it doesn’t change anything. It didn’t work out between you two. It’s very difficult staying friends with someone who you still have feelings for and it definitely won’t help you move on.
If they contact you first that means they are obviously thinking about you but it might not be for the right reasons. It’s important that you ignore the messages, as you deserve more than a half-hearted attempt to start again. No message is also a clear message.
It might be hard, but try to appreciate what you had. Good or bad, they brought so much to your life. You shared memories together, you had fun, you laughed and experienced those butterflies in your stomach. Sure, you didn’t end up together and that probably hurts, but it shouldn’t mean that you forget about them entirely.
Now they have taught you something else. You have to be strong if you want to move on. When something good ends it feels like you might not ever be happy again or you might convince yourself that you will never love someone in the same way. It’s all part of the healing process. You will probably feel guilt, regret, confusion, but you are strong enough move on to better things.
Initially, you may have blamed yourself for things not working out. But it takes two people to make a relationship work. You can blame it on bad timing but that’s simply not true, if two people want to make something work, they will make it work no matter how hard it is.
Don’t regret your almost relationship. Don’t regret letting someone in. Don’t regret feeling things that you haven’t felt for anyone else. You took a chance and although it didn’t work out the way you would have wanted it to you were brave enough to try.
There’s no time frame for how long it should take to move on from someone. It could be 6 weeks or 6 months. You are still healing. Yes, you’re single, but it doesn’t mean that you have to get out there and start dating again. It’s easy to feel pressured by society to start dating again and find ‘the one’ before it’s too late, but if you’re not ready yet, wait until you are.
Now is the time to heal your broken heart. Instead of focusing on someone who has walked out of your life, focus on yourself. Go out with your friends, have a relaxing bath, watch a comedy and laugh until your stomach hurts, do all of the things that make you feel good.
Getting over someone doesn’t have to consume your thoughts and it certainly shouldn’t stop you from having a good time. Anything that takes your mind off of them is a good step towards moving on.
Coralle is a freelance writer and blogger who talks about various topics from relationships, love, health and freelance writing. She's currently writing a book.
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