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“I miss my ex boyfriend” is probably the thing you’d never say out loud. You think that you can’t move on without hating your ex, but missing the last guy you loved is actually a good thing.
Break-ups are pretty much the worst. You go back and forth between believing that you’re going to be fine on your own and wishing that you could travel back in time and make things right again. Sometimes you swear you’ve completely moved on, and then it hits you: you kind of miss your ex.
This doesn’t have to be such a negative thing. Instead, stop stressing and realize how normal these feelings are. Here are eight reasons it’s actually okay to miss your ex-boyfriend.
You can’t just snap your fingers and suddenly forget everything that happened between you and him. You shared an awkward first date, a much better second date and a third date that made you realize things were heading in an awesome direction.
You shared sweet moments, romantic kisses, adorable gestures and even just totally random hang-outs. This person meant a whole lot to you and they were probably your entire world. When you have an amazing connection with someone, you can’t expect to just move on from that quickly. So, it’s completely fine if you look back on those memories fondly.
A funny thing happens when you’re finally ready to get back out there on the dating scene: you compare every new guy to your ex. Nope, you’re not crazy. There’s really no way around this.
It only makes sense that you would want to date someone who had your ex-boyfriend’s best qualities—just hopefully not the traits that made you break up in the first place.
You were attracted to him for a reason after all: you liked his quirky sense of humor or the way that he saw the world. It’s great to make those comparisons because you want to make sure that you end up with a good guy (again).
When you’re struggling with this crazy thing called dating and trying to meet someone you like, it can be frustrating. All you think about is how much you want to find love, so, naturally, your brain is going to remember when you had love last—i.e. with your most recent ex.
If you wanted to be alone forever, you would forget your ex along with the rest of your romantic history. You would focus on other things like work and vacations instead of wishing that you had someone to share your life with, but you definitely don’t want to be alone forever. Who would want that?
Sometimes you freak out when you realize how much you miss your ex because you think that means you’re not entirely over him. But just because you can look back with a smile instead of searing rage doesn’t mean you haven’t moved on.
You still know what went wrong between you two. Missing him on a random Friday when you’re home alone watching Netflix doesn’t change that.
Human beings are only, well, human. You can’t expect to live a perfect life where you feel nothing towards people who have hurt you. So, go ahead and don’t feel any guilt over thinking about your ex from time to time. That just means that you’re being realistic. You know he’s not easy to completely sweep from your memory, so you’re not going to worry when thoughts of his cute dimples creep up.
By now, you’ve dated enough guys to have a pretty good idea of the kind of boyfriend you want. It’s only supernatural that as you navigate your way through a sea of sometimes awkward first dates, you remember the last time you were happy (aka when you and your ex-binge-watched horror movies with pizza every weekend).
You know what you want and who you’re looking to settle down with. You may not like the way things fell apart with your last guy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t think about the good things and try to find that again.
With every break-up comes a list of life lessons. You always learn something about yourself, the kind of relationship you want and the kind of person you want to take a chance on.
Carry those lessons with you and things will absolutely work out better next time.
You already know that handling a breakup with a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bottle of red wine is probably not the best idea. You probably tried to response to your broken heart in a much healthier way and took up yoga and started making kale smoothies.
However, just because you’re starting to miss your ex again doesn’t mean that you’re somehow failing with this whole getting over him thing. You’re absolutely not. You’re doing the best that you can. Thinking about your ex doesn’t mean you’re not happy.
It doesn’t mean you want to be with him again. And it doesn’t mean you’ve lost somehow and your ex has won. It just means that you were in love and you’re doing what you can to live your life. Moving on is never easy, but it doesn’t have to mean totally erasing all your good (and bad) memories of the last person you loved.
Do you still think about your ex sometimes? How do you feel about comparing the new people you date to your exes? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
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Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.
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