If you find yourself dating a man with insecurity issues, there is good chance this problem will arise in your relationship, as well as the need to work through it if you want to stay together.
Here are a few tips and explanations on how to deal with insecurity in men.
To Kill Insecurity You Must First Find Its Source
Insecurity, like stress or alienation, is a problem that’s most likely linked to our modern way of living and, more importantly, to the way or culture evolves and changes at breakneck pace.
Some sociologist have linked this emotional state with the fact that less and less people have an intimate, strong connection with their jobs and careers, thus, they find less pride in the things they do (no matter how successful they actually are). Also, gender roles have shifted dramatically, especially in the last 30-50 years.
Simply put, a lot of men nowadays feel slightly confused and unsure of the way they should present themselves in social situations, which is obvious to people around them. This kind of behavior we generally see as insecurity.
Behind every great man there’s a great woman – Are you great enough to help him when he needs you the most?
Entering a romantic relationship with an insecure man has a lot of positional drawbacks – him being passive or generating anxiety when you’re around him, less sexual potency and global life zeal are just some of them.
Dealing with insecurity requires you to focus your efforts on one particular point: his feeling about himself. A insecure man will often talk negatively about his achievements and life in general (even if this may be camouflaged in humor).
Discourage these thoughts and negative emotion. Insecurity, like many other psychological systems, frequently feeds on itself – don’t let him believe he is a nobody, because, by believing this, he will gradually become a nobody in real life.
Build His Self-confidence: a Man Likes a Woman who Laughs at His Jokes
Some insecurities are obvious, others are well hidden. While you discourage him from demeaning himself, you have to nurture a positive outlook on his traits and personality, both mental and physical.
In many cases, confidence is the key. One woman I worked entered a great relationship with a really insecure man. She saw this especially in the bedroom, and she felt like their sexual life was a little bit disappointing – they did have sex, but she always described it as a bit awkward and never truly exciting. She found the solution through a move that may look like a cheap trick: she started to compliment her boyfriend about the size of his penis.
The man took these compliments really well, probably because he thought his penis wasn’t impressive enough. As the compliments continued, they evolved into little foreplay games that preceded sex, and the woman soon began to experience longer and more intense intercourses.
After several months, she happily reported that he became a very good lover, and this newfound confidence started to emerge in other parts of his life.
This only demonstrates that insecure men can change and gain a lot by being in a relationship with a woman that understands their issue. The same concept applies in other situations.
For example, a woman might notice that her boyfriend shies away from new responsibilities, and that his career is going nowhere. This is also a manifestation of insecurity, and positive comments about his, let’s say, handyman skills, organizing abilities or repair knowledge he shows around the house will be appreciated.
It’s important to genuinely mean the things you say, and not just do it because you think you have to. When he starts to think about himself in the same way, he will show more initiative and become more assertive. His boss will surely notice this.
Other times, you don’t even have to say anything. If you know your boyfriend feels awkward in a crowd, often one smile or a single touch can make a world of difference when you feel he is nervous or uncomfortable. This will sooth him, and at the same time send him a clear message that no matter what, you’re with him.
All these actions have the exact same goal – making him know you don’t think he is a nobody.
It may seem like you’re taking a parenting role in your relationship, but this is not the case. Accept it as a mutually beneficial guidance – having a man who is secure and confident is a good thing for him, but also for the people around him, including his girlfriend.
Dealing with insecurity in your man is a process that can only enhance your relationship. Be wise about it, and act according to specific situation. Sooner or later, his confidence will begin to show and the two of you will enter a new, much better place in your lives.
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