Okay, so we all know that guys can be complicated and send so many mixed signals that it can make it near impossible to figure them out. At one point you think that he’s totally into you, but a minute later it seems like he couldn’t care less if you never saw each other again. Here’s a simple solution: 9 ways to tell if he’s just not that into you.
#1 The truth is in his eyes (not his kiss!)
Forget Cher – the truth isn’t in his damn kiss. She was closer the first time – the truth is in his eyes. Now I don’t mean that blue-eyed boys are your only shot at true love, or that brown-eyed boys pack a mean love-rat punch. I mean to pay attention to where his eyes focus. If you’re out at dinner and he maintains, strong (non-creepy) and solid eye contact, the chances are that he cares about what you’re saying. He’s into the conversation and by extension, he’s into you.
However, if he’s looking anywhere but you, then this could spell trouble. It’s normal for guys’ eyes to wander on occasion, especially if a particularly good-looking girl walks in (don’t pretend to be shocked, you look at her too). The difference between scoping out some eye candy and actively looking for something better than you is the key here. A little eye wandering is fine. But when his eyes are following other women across the room all night – you have your answer. He’s just not that into you.
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#2 Voicemail need not apply
Okay, so you’re into second, third, or maybe even fourth date territory. You’ve done the delightful dirty (whoop whoop!) and you’re keen to meet up again soon. But … for some reason he’s not picking up your calls. The last three you’ve made have gone straight to voicemail and you’re thinking that maybe his phone is broken or something. Or maybe he’s got into an accident! Cripes, should you call the local hospitals?
Before you go crazy calling all the hospitals, medical centers and doctors in town, take a breath. This is not the behavior of a man who is into you. This is the behavior of a coward and a sleaze that is only interested in one thing – which he’s already had. Now, I’m not saying that every missed call or voicemail is a sign that he’s not into you. But if he’s consistently ignoring your calls or is ‘too busy’ to chat, then take it as a sign.
A man that is into you will pick up your call, even if it’s just to say that he’s in a meeting and will call you back soon. And guess what? Then he actually calls you back. Amazing, right? A man that is interested in you wants to talk to you. He wants to meet up with you. A man that consistently doesn’t pick up … well, you got it: he’s just not that into you.
#3 “How was your day, baby?”
These five words are your happy place. They show that your man cares about what happened during your day, he cares how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. This is the dialogue of a guy who isn’t just in it for the sizzling sex; he’s in it for the long haul. A man that is into you asks questions and then waits for your answer. He listens when you speak and is caring and considerate when he responds. Don’t worry, no guy is perfect and he’s certain to say some dumb ass crap at times, but the point is that he tries.
Meanwhile, the guy that responds with ‘mm-hmm’ and ‘uh-huh’ to 90% of your conversation potentially doesn’t care as much about your brain as he does your rockin’ body. If he’s not asking about your day, your life, your thoughts and your feelings, it’s simply because they’re not on his mind. Guys aren’t complex with their interactions – they’ll say what’s on their mind. And if he’s not asking … then chances are he’s just not that into you.
#4 Bookings are made well in advance
Picture this: it’s Tuesday evening and you’re curled up with your MacBook reading the latest YouQueen articles. Your phone vibrates next to you and you pick it up. A text message from your potential-love-to-be reads: “What you doin on Saturday?”
Ah-ha! Sign number three has appeared: he books you well in advance. Your guy isn’t sitting around waiting for someone else to snatch you up before Saturday, he makes sure to get in early and secure himself a date. He even makes dates for another date while you’re still on a date. He wants to see you that bad.
Now picture another scenario. It’s 2am on Saturday morning. You’re in bed, happily dreaming lovely Ryan Gosling-inspired dreams. Bliss. Then your phone vibrates noisily, jolting you awake just before Ryan’s lips connect with yours. Damn. You pick up your phone and read: “Hey babe, can I come over?”
Two words: booty call. Sure, he’s kind of into you, in the respect that he wants to be into you. Sorry, but it was necessarily vulgar. If you want a booty call – go right ahead. Reply to the text and spend the next few hours enjoying yourself before he sneaks off in the morning. But if you’re looking for a relationship, then you need to swat that bad boy away. Chances are, he’s been out all night and wasn’t able to score. Now he’s called you expecting to get some. Does that sound like the behavior of a guy who’s into you?
#5 He’s affectionate
“What do you mean? Of course, he’s affectionate, we slept together!” You’d think this conversation would end here, right? Unfortunately it doesn’t. Because touching when he thinks he’s going to get some, and touching because he just likes being close to you are two completely different things.
It’s easy enough to tell the difference between the two though. Just place his touches into two buckets: one where there is no chance that the touching will lead to sex, and one where there is every chance it’ll lead to sex. Now think about your last date and which bucket the majority of his touching fell into. One bucket screams “affection” while the other screams “bang me, now!”
The guy that is into you will play with your hair, hold your hand and pull you in for a cuddle. He won’t mind public displays of affection and he’ll love kissing you, even if there’s no chance it’ll result in sex. The guy that isn’t that into you only wants to touch you if there’s something in it for him. He goes out of his way to avoid holding hands in public and squirms when you try to cuddle. He has a simple formula that he’s sticking to: touch + girl = sex. Do you really want to be that girl in that equation?
#6 He waits for you to initiate sex
Traditional advice has told us that if a guy is into you, he’ll be all over you. He’ll be touching and kissing and slurping and working it all the way into the bedroom. Why? Because he just can’t keep his hands off you. And this is a good thing, right? It means you’re irresistible!
Irresistible you may be, but keen for a relationship he is not. A guy that is into you will respect your decision as to when to take your relationship to the next level. He’ll wait for you to be 100% comfortable and he won’t push you. He respects you and in fact, might even be a little bit nervous! He really likes you; he doesn’t want to mess anything up by pushing for too much too soon.
Sleazy McSleaze meanwhile won’t mind too much if he pushes you for sex and you feel uncomfortable. He’ll try to kiss and smother and sweet-talk his way into your bed irrespective of how you feel. And if you say no, he’ll be out the door faster than you can say “true love”, booty calling some other girl. You are completely replaceable to him.
#7 Location, location, location
You’ve been dating for over a month and things seem to be going well. He calls you back, replies to your texts and doesn’t push too hard for sex. You see each other at least once a week and really feel like things are progressing well. There’s only one problem … you have no idea where he lives.
“But babe, your house is closer,” he says. “I like your house better,” was his response last week, and “I have messy room mates,” the week before that. Whatever his excuse may be, the reality is that you have no clue where this guy spends his time when he’s not with you. You can’t picture him in bed at night, because you’ve never seen his bed. He simply won’t invite you over.
So, what’s the deal? Is he into you or not? Well, unless you’ve seen him in his natural habitat it’s unlikely that he considers you to be a permanent fixture in his life. A guy that is into you will want to include you in his life and that means inviting you over. He’ll want to show you his old football trophy and the set up for his surround-sound system. He’ll show off and be proud that you’re over. Sure, you might go back to your place more than his because it really is closer to where you guys hang out. But, you will still have had the opportunity to see his place.
And the guy that doesn’t share his home with you? Easy, he just isn’t that into you.
#8 Meet the family!
This one is an absolutely no-brainer. Unless his family is overseas or no longer with us, there is no reason for you not to meet them. Now, I’m not talking after the first date. That’d be scary. I mean once a reasonable amount of time has passed and you both feel comfortable with each other.
Because why wouldn’t he want to show you off to his loved ones? And this might mean not just his immediate family, but his bro family too. His friends are probably as important to him as his family, so you should expect to receive an invitation to both family gatherings.
Now this isn’t just a vanity project, as any guy knows it’s crucial to find out early on whether your potential girlfriend fits in with your friends and family. A guy that is serious about you will find this out as soon as possible. A guy that delays, umm’s, aah’s and responds with “Yeah, we’ll do it soon.” but doesn’t actually set a date? Not that into you.
#9 You vs. Xbox: the final battle
Oh boy, this one is a doozy.
A quick disclaimer: if all of the other signs line up and your man seems very interested in you, but fails the final test … give him a bit of slack. No guy is perfect. And this sign really is a doozy.
“Okay, contestants, are you ready? For our final battle we have the amazing, incredible, sexy, potential-girlfriend! Give her a hand, people!” (Cheers erupt through the stadium.) “Coming up against her is the sneaky, time-stealing, attention-grabbing, love-blocking Xbox. Tell that Xbox how you feel, everyone!” (Boo’s hiss through the room.)
While it may not always be this dramatic, the reality is for most men, video games are their one true love. So a good (if slightly dangerous) test of your man’s into-you gauge is to stand in front of his Xbox. Don’t panic – there’s a method behind my madness.
And besides, I don’t recommend doing it while he’s fighting a boss, or in the final lap of a championship race, so you’ll need to time it very carefully. But trust me, the results of this test are well worth it. Now a guy that is clearly into you will pause the game and look up at you with a patient and only slightly irritated look. A guy that isn’t that into you will immediately spew verbal abuse, littered with numerous f-bombs.
Now, again, you’ll need to be careful as even the most loving boyfriend-to-be will flip his lid and scream “what the f*” when you ruin his game at a crucial point. But if he doesn’t? Well honey, that boy is seriously, seriously into you.