Does the idea of dating make you roll your eyes and increase your blood pressure? Are you sick and tired of trying dating websites, meeting guys who are wrong for you and opening your heart only to have it crushed… again?
Dating isn’t for the faint of heart. You’re expected to put your heart out on display, just hoping that Mr. Right will see all the greatness in you, sweep you off your feet and finally make your life complete.
However, reality is that while you’re waiting for Mr. Right to show up, you’re going to meet more than your fair share of Mr. Wrongs. You’ll face disappointment after disappointment until, eventually, you’ll contemplate the idea of moving far, far away and living by yourself on a deserted island.
While it may seem like you can’t survive through one more date-gone-bad, you can; as long as you follow a few simple guidelines. If you want to make dating an experience that doesn’t crush all your hopes and dreams, you need to do the following:
Guideline #1: Have no expectations
This is going to be harder for some of you ladies than for others. If you’re normally pretty carefree and go with the flow, you’re not going to have much of a problem with this one. However, if you’re the girl that is doodling his last name with your first before you even meet him face-to-face, this may be a struggle for you.
Just the mere fact that you’re going on a date with him means that you probably have at least minimal expectations that he may be “the one” and that you may have a great future together. But, if you can walk into it with as few preconceived ideas as possible, you’ll have a greater likelihood of walking away unscathed in the event that it doesn’t work.
Now, don’t take this to the extreme and walk in thinking it isn’t going to work. You’ll just jinx yourself. Ideally, you want to look at it for what it is – two people seeing if they’re compatible.
Guideline #2: Don’t overanalyze him or his actions
It’s perfectly normal to wonder what your date thinks of you. After all, you know how you feel, so his thoughts are the only wild card in the situation.
The problem comes in when you try for hours or days to go over every move he made or every word he said and try to figure out what his motive was. Did he mention the fact that he doesn’t consider a girl’s size a big issue because he thinks you’re fat? Maybe he looked over your shoulder a time or two because he wanted to find someone ‘better’?
Your mind can really be your worst enemy in this type of situation. Not only will it cause you to go absolutely crazy, but it will likely lead you down the wrong path as assumptions are usually incorrect when you don’t know the person very well.
You’re not going to do yourself any favors by trying to dissect his statements and actions in the few hours he spent with you. Look, if he likes you, he’ll get in touch with you again and want to see you. If he doesn’t, he won’t.
Guideline #3: Don’t confuse sex with love
You can have sex with him whenever you want to, but if you jump into bed with him the first time you get the chance, don’t get all upset if it doesn’t turn out the way you want. Remember, just because he shared this intimate act with you doesn’t mean that he’s going to put a ring on your finger and make all your dreams come true. It just means he was as horny as you were.
For most women, sex is an act based on love, or at least very strong “like”. Sure, there are some members of the female persuasion who are extremely adept at one night stands, but overall, if a woman sleeps with a man it’s because she has feelings for him and wants or hopes for something more.
It’s not always that way for men. Not that there aren’t men who have sex to show feelings or that all men are insensitive, it’s just that for men it’s more of a physical act than an emotional one.
Guideline #4: If it doesn’t work out, don’t take it personally
This is where so many women go wrong. You date a guy, he breaks it off for whatever reason and all the sudden, you’re wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anybody like me?”
The thing is, if he doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means that you’re not his type. That’s it. No more. No less.
It’s no different than when you go out on a date with some guy and the connection just isn’t there. Maybe he was a perfect gentleman and did everything textbook right, but you just don’t feel “it”. Just because he wasn’t the one that excites you to the depths of your soul doesn’t mean he isn’t good people. The same goes for you if he doesn’t feel it.
Guideline #5: Look in the right places
There are places to look for boy toys and there are places to look for relationship material. If what you want is someone to hang out with, have fun and maybe satisfy a sexual urge or two, feel free to start your search at a local pub or sports bar. You’ll likely find someone willing to join the fun.
However, if you’re looking for someone to potentially spend the rest of your life with, you need to start looking places where you might actually meet someone you have something in common with. For instance, if you like politics, go to political rallies. If you like to read, join book groups. Pick something you like to do and do it. You may just meet someone that stokes your intellectual fire just as much as your physical one.
Dating may be difficult but it doesn’t have to be unbearable. Follow these five simple guidelines and you’ll find it much easier to stomach the idea of hanging in there until Mr. Right decides to finally show his handsome face.