Dating

How Men Prepare for Dates and What It Means

Most women probably have some idea of how we prepare for dates, but have you ever thought about what those preparations might mean? Analyzing the details of the date cannot only tell you what type of guy you are dealing with, but also what his intentions are.

There is a marketing term called Thin-Slicing that was coined by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink.  Thin-Slicing is described as the unconscious cognitive process that people use to categorize others into groups.

It is the process of taking in data and cross-referencing that against past experiences. It gives us the capability to quickly distinguish between a homeless person and a business executive as we are walking down the street.

In marketing, companies use this idea of Thin-Slicing to manage how the general public perceives them. They ask themselves, what is our Thin-Slice?

So how does this relate to dating? Well, you can use the way a guy goes about setting up the logistics of a date to determine what type of guy he is and what his past experiences with women have been. Having this knowledge can be useful in weeding out losers quickly and save you the time and pain of another bad date.

The Basics

man taking a shower

This is information you probably won’t be able to detect until you’re actually on the date. However, if you’ve paid attention at your initial interaction with him, you should have a general sense of the level of hygiene the guy you’re going out with has.

Hygiene was something I paid attention to even when I had no idea what I was doing on dates. I went about it a different way back then though. I’d basically shower, gel my hair, brush my teeth and make sure I was wearing a one of my better outfits that was clean. That was it.

Now, I make sure my fingernails are trimmed and clean and my teeth are flossed. On top of that, I make sure my place is clean and comfortable. Why? I do this because I want to end up back there with my date at some point.

As a general rule, I like to keep my place clean anyways, because I like relaxed and comfortable surroundings. Usually, it is just a matter of tidying up.

Generally, the attention to detail with hygiene correlates to what the guy’s place is going to be like. If he looks like a slob, guess what? His place is probably not a place you’d want to have a glass of wine, let alone have sex.

The Philosophies

This is where this stuff gets interesting. What are the plans for the date? Where are you meeting? Who’s driving?

As much as I’d rather not admit it, I’ve been on more dates than I can count. Growing up in a Private Catholic School left me with a completely distorted view of how the dating process should work in the real world. The media didn’t help much either.

In high school and college I ended up going out with first dates to dinner and movies, A LOT. I usually put the burden of deciding what restaurant and movie to go to on the woman as well. Does this sound familiar?

“Where do you want to go?” … “I don’t know.  Where do you want to go?”

That was the story of my life for a long time. I didn’t have the balls to make a decision and stick with it.

Several years ago I started to read lots of books on philosophy, psychology and evolutionary biology. It really changed my views on things and how I went about setting up dates. After moving to Vancouver last year and studying under the author of The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating, Derek Cajun, I confirmed how some of the most successful guys in the world went about setting up dates.

The Planning

man and girl drinking beer in a bar

Some of the most sought after guys in the dating world usually go on the same type of dates over and over again. Why? Because they know the date will be fun and that it works out the best logistically.

Setting up my dates these days goes something like this:

After a woman agrees to get together, I will tell her to meet me at my place and we will go from there to a fun place in my neighborhood that has good drinks. I will also usually tell her to wear some cute jeans and comfortable shoes. Not to be misogynistic, but so she knows what type of environment we are going to.

When I used to take women out to dinner all of the time, they’d always ask what to wear. I would always say, “I don’t know.” In a year and a half of serial dating in Vancouver, I only had one woman not agree to come to my neighborhood. She lived an hour away and wanted to meet halfway, I agreed and she ended up flaking anyways.

So, the plans are set. My date is meeting me at my place at 7:30 and we are going to go grab a drink. After an hour or two of getting to know each other, I suggest we leave. We walk back to my place and I invite her up for a glass of wine. Before the date I had made sure that I have wine and music ready to go at my place for later.

I like to have liquor stocked at my place for friends anyways, but having wine there helps alleviate any sense of cognitive dissonance a woman might feel about coming upstairs to keep the date going.

“Well, I really like this guy and we’re having a fun time together, but I don’t want him to think I’m a sl*t.” 

It’s just a glass of wine, and honestly it is. I go into my dates with no expectations and have found it’s the best policy. If I like a woman, and she likes me, I’m going to pursue a romantic and sexual relationship.

Warning Signs

Here are some of warning signs that a guy has no idea what he is doing:

– He has no concrete plans, or keeps asking you what you’d like to do.

A man should not only have a plan for the date, but a plan for life!

– Dinner on a first date.

I love going out on dinner dates with women I’m seeing on a regular basis. There’s nothing wrong with dinner in and of itself. On a first date it’s not ideal though.

You’re sitting across from each other like it’s an interview. If you don’t hit it off, you’re stuck for over an hour. Also, nice guys will use a super expensive dinner as a manipulative tool to guilt women into bed.  “I bought you dinner, now you must sleep with me.”

– Before or on the date he repeatedly talks about his money, cars, etc. 

So many of my female friends have complained about guys doing this. There’s nothing wrong with a woman liking a man for having these things.

What does that say about a man if that is all he is talking about though? First, it says that is all he feels he has to offer. Second, it says he thinks that’s what you’re truly interested in.

Recap

I would strongly recommend canceling a date with guys who are doing the things I have just listed above. I wouldn’t use it as a hard and fast rule, but more as a guideline to help differentiate between the guys who have options with women and the guys who don’t.

The guys who are successful with women and in life have a plan. They know what they want and where they are going. 

About the author

Brandon Douglas

I'm a 27-year old US citizen who has been living in Vancouver, BC the last two years, rising quickly in the corporate world. After a near-death experience last fall and lots of soul searching, I have quit that career to pursue my dreams of being an actor and dating coach.

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