They say age is just a number and we couldn’t agree more! In a relationship with an older man and wondering how to make it work? Here are some dos and don’ts that you should remember.
There’s just something innately sexy about most older men. They’re refreshingly mature unlike the “boys” we’re used to, charming, settled, and have their priorities figured out…for the most part. It’s no wonder then that so many of us find ourselves attracted to older men like a magnet. If you have been dating someone older, here are some dos and don’ts for you to follow.
Not a general rule of thumb, but a lot of older men are just going through a midlife crisis and are looking to blow off steam through a mindless affair with someone young and exciting. So don’t just fall for an older man’s “Let me buy you a couple of expensive drinks at the bar and charm my way into your pants” tactic. Hang out with him, get to know him first and figure out what he wants. If it’s not what you’re looking for, run!
Focus on your relationship with him and not his age. Stop saying things like “I was 8 years old when you graduated” or “Oh look, my dad is just ten years older than you.” It’ll only make him think that his age bothers you even if it doesn’t. Afterall, his age doesn’t define him or your relationship, right?
Irrespective of the kinky games you play in the bedroom, don’t act like his “little girl” and treat him like your daddy in real life just because he’s older. You’re in a relationship with him and that means you are equals.
Stop expecting him to be your knight in shining armour and rescue you from every little problem. Yes, it’s nice when men take care of their women and he will. Just don’t be that annoying woman who runs to him for everything and expects him to fix it all. At the same time, make sure he understands this as well. If he’s constantly lecturing you or treating you like a child, it’s time to have a serious talk!
The fact of the matter is that he is older and has had more life experiences than you. It’s only natural for him to want to pass on his wisdom. So don’t take it negatively if he gives you a word of advice once in a while. Listen to it and then decide for yourself whether or not you’d like to pay heed to it. At the same time, don’t be shy to stand up for what you believe in or voice your opinion like his equal!
This is very important, especially if you have been dating him for a while and it’s a serious relationship. As with any relationship, it is important to discuss your future and your life goals.
Depending on how much older he is, he may have already done the “wife and kids” drill. If this is something that you haven’t done and want to, figure out whether or not he’s open to having those experiences with you. He may be comfortable with the relationship as it is and if you’re looking for more, you have to figure out what the future holds for the two of you. If you can’t find common ground, it may be best to let this one go.
I’m sure it’s not fun for him to hear you whine about how you’ve “crossed over to the dark side” on your 25th birthday when he’s already in the next decade. Some men are sporting enough to handle it but if your man seems to be sensitive about his age, you’re better off avoiding your “Gosh I feel so old” complaints.
When I first got together with my husband who is 8 years older, my friends constantly called him a “pedophile” while his friends called him a “cradle snatcher”. They automatically assumed he was boring and that I was immature and childish just because I was 8 years younger.
He doesn’t look much older than me so I was spared the public stares and finger pointing but I can only imagine what it’s like to date someone who physically looks much older than you. Expect to be judged by strangers, friends and family.
How did we deal with all the judging? We ignored them, dated for four years and got married!
One of the hardest parts about dating someone older than you is that you may not always find things that you both enjoy doing.
This is where the age gap comes into play the most but as with any relationship, you have to find common interests that bind you together, be it an activity, a television show, books or anything else you can think of. At the same time, go out of your comfort zone to try things he likes once in a while and give him a glimpse of your world once in a while.
Stop looking at it as “dating someone older” and just look at it as “dating someone”. This is just another relationship where you love, you learn, you grow and hopefully make it last. If you don’t, look at it as a learning experience and move on. And as with any relationship, be yourself! That’s who he fell for in the first place!
Cover photo: www.justjared.com
Sheila loves pictures, polka dots, the smell of old books, retro glasses, red velvet cupcakes, shoes and all things vintage. When she's not day dreaming about Ryan Gosling, she's busy writing about fashion, celebrities, love, and life.
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