“My mother taught me never to stick my fingers up my bum, but now I can’t get enough of it!” Says one of my research candidates, who will of course remain anonymous. Funny isn’t it, how a sexual taboo becomes wickedly attractive in it’s deviancy… Wipe that prudish look from your face immediately! You know you agree. You wouldn’t be reading this article otherwise, would you?
We’re taught from a young age that anything to do with our bottom is dirty, and we’re encouraged to be clean, which includes ‘clean thoughts’ – don’t talk about your toilet activities, especially in front of strangers! No wonder the idea of anal sex sends us off on a private, guilty curiosity spree. Cultural baggage has a lot to answer for.
Personally, I think that every part of the human body deserves sexual exploration. Anal sex holds the potential for some thrilling and very intimate pleasurable discoveries. If you’re curious and want to know how, here are some useful things for you to consider on your journey…
Acquaint Yourself with Your Anus First!
Most of us started our sexual journeys by fiddling with our clits, so why should anal sex be any different? There’s nothing to be squeamish about when it’s your own body and you’re doing it in private. Have a nice soak in the bath to get yourself all clean and relaxed, get some of those essential oils burning. Make sure you have some baby wipes, a water-based lubricant and any sex toys at hand, and that your nails are filed neatly; then settle down for some very intimate self-exploration!
It’s important to be turned on before you start poking at your behind. One girl I spoke to suggests watching some soft porn to get your juices flowing. Or you may just want to have some music playing, close your eyes and fantasize.
Start out by playing with your nipples, clit and vagina… turn yourself on… you know how to do it, you secret little horny nymph. Use your dildo for some penetration if you like, but don’t let yourself come! You want to get yourself into a tingly state of slowly built-up anticipation. Then, using plenty of lube venture further south and start rimming your anus entrance slowly and gently with your finger. It will feel very different. Keep it going, and keep rubbing your clit or G spot with the other hand (Never mix the hands up, it will lead to all sorts of unpleasant and very un-sexy after-effects that will put your sex life on hold for a good week or more!)
As you get more and more turned on, and everything starts to naturally ‘open up’ you may feel that pleasurable sensation you get when you go the toilet; this could be the time to rim a little deeper, making sure your finger is always lubed up. The wonderful thing is that there is nobody watching, nobody pushing; you can literally go at your own pace and only do what feels good to you.
Once your finger has been fully inserted you can feel around and see what feels good. Poke in and out using plenty of that lube, and different depths and enjoy the feeling of your anus contracting and opening up. You should be experiencing some amazing sensations, and a satisfied feeling of ‘fullness’ if you are still playing with your clit and/or inserting your other fingers or a dildo into your vagina at the same time. Try using a vibrator around the anus for an intensely pleasurable G spot or clitoral orgasm!
Having Anal Sex For the First Time with Your Man
Once you have thoroughly explored the area by yourself, many of the most common fears and insecurities will have been dealt with. It’s not a dirty experience after all, is it? Except in the kinky sense of the word. And if you’ve taken the time to relax and turn yourself on, and you have used plenty of lubrication, it’s not painful either! The idea of having Anal sex with your partner on the other hand may be leaving you feeling vulnerable… which is perfectly normal, and perhaps part of the fantasy for both of you. Anal sex carries implications of domination and submission which can be very sexy when there is mutual trust and respect between you and your man.
Before you dive into having full-on Anal sex with him, start out by getting him to play with you. It will feel different having someone else touch you down there, and your body may not react in the same way as when you experimented alone. Anal sex should always be a slow sexy build up, and you both need to be comfortable and familiar with your anus and how it reacts before his penis goes anywhere near it. He has to appreciate and respect what it’s all about first – it’s not just a tight hole for fucking like all the porn sites suggest! Don’t forget to use plenty of heavy water-based lubrication. Your vagina is self-lubricating, your anus is not. It will be susceptible to tiny internal tears which will be painful and can cause infection.
Penetration for the first time will be a team effort. If he barges his way in it will hurt. Your anus has two sets of sphincter muscles; internal and external. The external ones you can control at will, so you may think you are relaxed and ready for penetration, but the internal sphincter muscle will contract like a reflex as soon as his penis tries to enter. It’s like an automatic ‘no entry gate alarm system’ It is important for him to ease his penis in gradually by inserting inch by inch and pulling out each time until the muscles relax and ‘accept’ him. It can help if he is kissing you and playing with other parts of your body to keep up the stimulation.
TIP: The most difficult part will be pushing the head of his penis past your anus hole. It can help if you squeeze your muscles when you breathe in, and relax them when you breathe out. When you relax he can then slowly push the penis in a bit. Sounds a bit like giving birth to a baby, but the opposite way around, doesn’t it?
Now there’s one thing to be prepared for; once he gets the head of his penis past the sphincter he is going to feel a distinct difference. The sphincter will continue to constrict tightly around the shaft of his penis, but inside the rectum there is a lot more room, and some men may find the sensation confusing. It’s not unusual for a guy to lose his erection at this point. But don’t freak out! It doesn’t mean he has changed his mind, it’s just a physical reaction to the change of environment; his penis simply needs to adjust to the sudden and perhaps unexpected change of sensation.
Once he’s in, make sure he knows that he can’t just go crazy on you! Having Anal Sex in real life is not going to look like it does in the porn movies. Those girls are on all kinds of relaxants and numbing creams – which to be honest kind of defeats the point, don’t you want to feel the sensations? So go slow, be sensual, communicate and have a good time.
Positions and Toys for Anal Sex Fun
Now that you have all the basic information, here are some extra tit-bits to help you enjoy and get the most pleasure from your Anal sexual adventures…
- Always use non-porous, easy-to-clean silicone toys; like butt plugs, vibrators and dildos. It’s probably best to develop a collection of toys specifically for anal play, because even the tiniest trace of feces will cause nasty infections if used on or around the vagina.
- When using toys make sure they have a flared base. Things can get sucked into that little black hole you know! And you won’t be able to get them out yourself… just saying.
- If you are nervous about having Anal sex with your man, make sure you do it positions where you can be in control of the depth of penetration… i.e. woman on top!
- Doggie-style is perfect for G Spot stimulation because the space between your vagina and rectum is so thin that the penis will press up against your G spot. And your man can reach round and play with your breasts and clit too – who says Anal sex is only pleasurable for men?
- Try double penetration for a very full feeling and extra G Spot stimulation – do it by introducing your dildo or vibrator into the mix!
Chime in, share your experiences and ask questions in the comment section below. Do you have any tips for our sexy community of readers?