For a woman, having sex for the first time with someone we really like can be a risky business. Life would be so much more simple if there was a straightforward formula to show us the perfect time to give in to our passions, without ruining our chances of being happy.
What would be even better is if men weren’t such hypocrites! I’m not saying that all men are the same, but there are those annoying few (and by a few I mean an alarming percentage) who make this all so complicated.
They want to have sex with you as soon as possible, but then as soon as you do they judge you for it – what’s that about? No wonder so many women are terrified of ruining their chances of having a long term relationship with a guy they really like by having sex too soon!
The only way to get past this problem is to…
- Know what you want
- Know what they want
- Hold out as long as possible
Why? Well in short, if you know what you want, and you know what he wants then you can hopefully decipher whether or not you are on the same page and compatible.
Then if you hold out for as long as possible you will avoid a number of pitfalls, including the ones that having sex actually produces – like an inability to separate your emotional and rational responses to him – which would be disastrous if you weren’t on the same page!
Often after having sex a girl finds it impossible to see any flaws in her man, she becomes emotionally attached and phenomenally can only focus on the things that justify her sleeping with him! You will also strengthen your connection if you hold out before you have sex with him, which means you are both more likely to be on a similar emotional level afterwards.
Let’s look at some of this in more detail…
1. What Do You Want to Get Out of It?
So, firstly you need to know exactly what it is that you want. Be honest with yourself, are you looking for marriage? Are you looking for a committed relationship with someone you connect with and want to build something with?
Are you looking for a light relationship with no heavy commitments but the possibility of it developing into more? Or perhaps you are just looking for a good time, a short hot romance, a fling or even a one-night-stand.
Once you know what your own expectations are you will begin to be able to mentally map out your boundaries, which is why it is important to be completely honest with yourself. There is no point in trying to convince yourself that you could be happy with a fling because you think that’s all he wants, but then secretly be hoping it will develop into something deeper.
It doesn’t work like that. You will only be fooling yourself. Decide what you want now, in the near future and if possible beyond.
The important thing at this stage is not to tell him what you want. If you tell him what you are looking for straight away or make it too obvious, then he is most probably going to design his affections towards you in order to suit his own needs, especially if all he wants is sex.
He will use all the information you have given him to manipulate the situation to get what he wants. It’s a sad fact, but many men who are just looking for sex will do this, because they are not interested in what you want in the long run, they can only see what is in front of them.
If what they are looking for is made available and handed out on a silver platter, well who would blame them for licking their chops and taking a nice big healthy bite?
Remember: Give yourself the chance to figure him out before he figures you out!
2. How to Find Out What He Wants
Now this is going to be quite tricky, which is why I told you not to let on what you want too soon. You want to catch him off-guard and get an honest response, or at least one that hasn’t been influenced by anything you have said previously.
The best way to do this is to not beat around the bush. You don’t have have to bring it up before you have even introduced yourself of course, but if you are having a good time together and you know you like him and think you want more, then this is the time to figure out where you stand – before you sleep with him!
If you seem to have a pretty good honest and down-to-earth connection then it should be fairly straightforward to ask him outright what it is he wants right now. Try not to lead his answer in any way, just ask the question and gauge his response.
If he is just looking for sex you can bet he will immediately be looking for ways to answer your question that will guarantee to get him what he wants. This means he will be looking for clues as to what it is that you want so that he can match his answer to fit. So don’t give him any clues whatsoever, just ask the question.
On the other hand if he answers you fairly directly, looking straight at you, then you have less to worry about because hopefully he has just given you some valuable insight into what to expect from him.
3. Why Hold Out On Having Sex?
Now that you know you are both on the same page and you both want pretty much the same thing, it’s entirely up to you when you decide you are ready to have sex with him. My advice though is to take your sweet time.
If you know he likes you, you don’t have too much to worry about, he won’t be going anywhere too soon, if he is genuine, and he’s not and he disappears then good riddance!
Holding out will give you time as well to prepare yourself, just in case any of your assumptions about him up until this point haven’t been quite right – there will always be the risk that all he really wants is sex and that there’s nothing more between you than that, and if this is this the case then you need to know you are emotional capable to handle it. Never have sex until you know you will able to accept a disappointment.
Taking your time before deciding to have sex with a guy isn’t just an old fashioned thing, it just makes sense. Sexual intercourse can do funny things to a woman, and once you have all of those hormones surging through your veins you’re not going to be able to think too straight.
It is far easier to judge a man’s character when you are sexually sober than after you have embarked upon your sexual relationship. Once you have sex your emotions kick in and you will use everything at your disposal to justify sleeping with him to shut up any insecurities you might be having.
You may not realise that actually perhaps you’re not as compatible as you think you are because his flaws will fade into the background.
Holding off having sex not only gives you time to completely figure your guy out and decide whether or not there is something special enough that you want to explore with him, but it also increases the sexual anticipation, which can only be a good thing.
First-time sex is usually always an awkward event, but the longer you hold off the better it is going to feel to release all that pent up sexual frustration, for both of you.
It’s a silly fact but the longer you wait to have sex with a new guy, the more he will admire you for it, even if he really wants to sleep with you asap. Why? Because in his head he is thinking that you’re not an easy catch, so you must be something pretty special, and he’ll be obsessed by the thought of being the one to catch you! It’s a primal thing – men love the chase, they like to hunt, chase and then savour their devour.
Holding off from having sex, but always making sure he knows that sex is on the cards… or will be… at some point… maybe next time… it just makes the whole experience so much more enticing and fun for the both of you.
Add Comment