4 Surefire Ways to Survive a Bitter Divorce

While you certainly have no control on what your soon-to-be ex does or what the court decides, there is one thing you can control: You. Learn how to survive a bitter divorce.

No one gets married with the intention of seeing the relationship fail. Sometimes despite everything you try, the two of you can’t stay together and manage to be happy at the same time, leaving divorce the only options.

Unfortunately, when there are hurt feelings involved (usually very intense feelings) the situation can get bitter in a hurry.

Add figuring out what to do with the kids and how to split the money to the mix and you’re sure to have a fight on your hands. Not only does this zap your emotional strength, but it can wreak havoc on your physical health as well. After all, you can only endure so much.

With that in mind, here are four surefire ways to help you survive a bitter divorce without losing yourself in the process:

Give yourself time to heal

This was probably one of the top offenses I saw while working in the domestic relations court system. In an attempt to ease the pain and hurt, one of the divorcing parties would go out and start a new and fresh relationship almost immediately.

The problem with that? Although it does have a way of decreasing the pain, you don’t give yourself adequate time to heal.

When you add others to the mix, you’re not only left trying to decipher how you feel about the old, ending relationship, but you’re also trying to figure out how you feel about the new one. In addition, you run the risk of making the same mistakes as in your failing relationship as you’ve not had time to contemplate your issues and learn how to correct them.

Plus, if the person you’re newly involved with doesn’t handle your situation maturely, you may find that he adds fuel to the fire and makes matters worse for you. He may try to instigate fights with your former husband to make sure you and your ex don’t get along. He wants to ensure himself that you are completely over your previous relationship.

Although you may find it lonely to be single, you’re much better off in the long run if you give yourself time to heal. Use your time alone to relearn who you are and decide what you want out of life.

I’ve heard it suggested that it takes one month to heal for every year that you were involved in your relationship and, in my experiences, that is fairly accurate.

Manage your stress properly

source
source

Divorce is one of the most stressful situations a person can endure. You’re not only dealing with the end of an extremely intimate relationship, but you also face a major lifestyle change. It may involve moving, living on less money, helping your kids make it through with as little damage as possible, and on and on.

If you don’t find a way to deal with the stress constructively, not only will you be less able to handle things mentally, but your physical health may suffer as well.

Stress that builds up in your body without being released can wreak havoc on all of your systems. It can affect your heart and cause problems there. It can make your digestive system upset and you may notice other negative side effects like hair falling out and skin acne issues.

In order to survive with your mental and physical health intact, you have to find a way to relieve your stress on a regular basis. One great way to do this is via physical activity. Make sure you get to the gym or take a daily walk. Not only will this help you clear your mind, but you’ll also release feel good endorphins that are like natural anti-depressants.

Maybe there is a hobby that you enjoy that takes your focus off your divorce and puts it onto something that you’re passionate about; something that makes you happy. Find whatever it is that gives you a break from all of the changes you face and you’ll fare much better.

Watch your finances

When you go through a divorce, it likely means that you also have to make some major concessions financially. If you both worked, switching from a two income household to a one income household means drastic cuts in the amount of money that you have to work with. If you were a stay at home mom or wife, it means even bigger changes yet.

Your budget is going to become super important because you may not have anyone else to fall back on for financial support if you get into trouble. That makes now a good time to trim all of the things you don’t absolutely need.

You don’t have to do it forever, just until you’re more situated financially and/or figure out how the bills are going to stack up versus the income you have coming in.

This may mean choosing a cell phone plan with less minutes, lowering (or even eliminating) your cable package, making your morning coffee versus stopping and picking one up, and more. It may seem frustrating to have to lose all of these pleasantries, but it is going to hurt even worse if you put yourself in financial ruins.

This is especially important if you’re a woman who likes “retail therapy.” Sure, you may feel initially better when you go out and spend some money that you simply don’t have, but rest assured that you won’t have that feeling for long. Eventually you’re going to have to pay for all of the things you bought so you’re just delaying the pain.

Have supportive gal pals

friends having fun and drinking coffee

This is so important when you’re going through a bitter divorce or any other negative event in your life. You need someone to vent your frustrations to; someone to help you make sense of your current situation. And there are no better people for this than your closest gal pals.

These are the ones that you can call in the middle of the night when you can’t seem to sleep. They’re also the ones who will meet you after work any day of the week so you can say the same things over and over again in an attempt to come to terms with them.

When you surround yourself with friends who can “talk you off the ledge” and remind you that you’re a good person who isn’t going crazy (despite the fact that you think you are), it makes the divorce process so much easier to bear. It’s like having someone with you to carry the weight of the world that currently you feel currently rests on your shoulders.

Divorce can be a sticky, heart wrenching event. Do these four things and you’ll soon find yourself on the other side of the river, safe and sound…and completely intact.

About the author

Christina DeBusk

Changing careers mid-life from law enforcement to writing, Christina spends her days helping others enrich their businesses and personal lives one word at a time.

Add Comment

Click here to post a comment