Okay, so you have your heart set on a specific outcome. It might be a new partner, a promotion, a new job or even a new career.
Whatever it is, you want it with every fiber of your being. You see yourself in this new job and imagine how it feels to be with the new partner you so desperately desire. You crave it so much that you feel like it’s already done. That it’s going to happen. It has to.
Right?
Well… I’m sorry my little sugar dumpling, but there’s a pretty high chance that things might not turn out the way you want them to. I’m not saying this to be a negative Nancy, nor am I trying to be a ‘realist’. I’m just stating the facts – you probably won’t get everything you want.
I’ll give you a moment to digest that. When you’re done, come back and we’ll talk about what you can do when things don’t go your way so you stay positive, purposeful and prosperous.
Step 1: Is there anything you can do?
Welcome back, beautiful. Okay, so things didn’t go your way. Poop happens. But that doesn’t mean all is lost.
First, you need to figure out whether there’s anything you can do about the situation. If there is, then you can go to step two. If there isn’t, skip ahead to step three. Simple!
Now to figure out if there’s anything you can do, try thinking about whether you can say or do anything to impact the end outcome. Can you put in extra hours and volunteer to man the charity cake stand in order to be considered for a promotion? Can you find another job in the same industry that will offer you a similar experience and change of career?
If you answer yes at any point, then you still have control over the situation. Proceed to step two.
Step 2: The art of dreaming
Did you know that there is a tip you can employ that will virtually eliminate the risk of failure, in any endeavor? Truth, darling. Want to know what it is? It’s one of my favorite techniques of all time and every successful person I know employs this tactic. Here it is:
Don’t give up.
If you don’t give up, you won’t fail. It’s impossible to. As long as you keep working, trying, pushing and striving you will get there. Whether it takes an hour, a week or ten years is up the Universe and individual circumstances. But if you really want something so bad that you can’t imagine living without it, then don’t give up. Truly, it’s that easy.
Once you’ve decided that you’re not going to give up, well then it’s all about planning and action. Go back to the drawing board. What can you do better? What should you change? How should you approach it this time?
If you feel like you’re not motivated, we at YouQueen suggest reading some amazing motivational quotes to help you achieve your goals.
Once you’re ready, ask people you admire for their opinions and advice. Be willing to accept feedback, irrespective of whether it’s good or bad. And trust me that will probably be the hardest part! And then, hop back on your pony. Try again. Don’t give up just because you’ve fallen off.
And if you feel like you don’t want it quite enough to keep trying and never give up, then move on to step three.
Step 3: Let it go
You’re at step three because you’ve decided that you either don’t want to put in the hard yards to make your dream happen, the dream isn’t quite what you thought it would be, or this particular dream has no chance of materializing.
Welcome to the mourning stage. This might sound a little dramatic, but sometimes we need to allow ourselves the time and the space to let go of the things that we hoped for but which didn’t come through.
And to be clear, I’m not talking about letting go of your dream to become a millionaire or travel the world. They’re not the type of dreams you should let go of.
I’m talking about giving up on the guy in the sales department who keeps telling you he’s washing his hair every time you suggest going out for a dinner date. Or the job at that uber selective agency that has turned you down twice now. And even the exam that you failed.
Those things are done. They’re over. Mourn the loss of the sales guy, the job and the perfect scored exam. They’re not going to happen, at least not now, and there’s nothing you can do to change these outcomes so let it go.
If you’re struggling to move on, write your not-to-be dream a letter. Tell it how you feel and how great you could have been together. Explain that really, it’s their loss, not yours because you’re on to bigger and better things now. Let it all out, all the emotion, anger, frustration and resentment.
And then burn that little letter and let the ashes drift off into the wind.
Step 4: Recalibrate
If you’ve ever used a Navigation System you’ll totally understand what the term recalibrate means. Basically it’s what your Nav Woman (or man) tells you when you’ve completely stuffed up and turned left instead of right, or sailed past your turn off. In a polite if mechanical voice, it states, “recalibrating.” Which is basically code for, “Chill out, I’m working it out.”
I think we should think of our life this way a lot. If you miss out on your dream job/partner/exam score then recalibrate. Map out a new route. Figure out another way. And believe me, there’s always another way.
Step 5: Don’t mull
I know so many people (myself included) who have a major issue with overthinking things. This might sound odd, but these days we tend to overthink everything, mull them over, ponder them, give ourselves “if’s” “but’s” and more “what if’s” and try to predict what will happen so often that it’s practically an art form.
But I ask you, what would happen if you just stopped overthinking things? Just let them be. Let life take care of itself and handle things in the present moment rather than worrying about the past or the future. Hmm?
I think the answer would be something like “more enjoyment and satisfaction would arise”. If you don’t believe me, give it a try.
Every time you find yourself thinking about the dream you’re chasing after or the outcome you’re trying to achieve, switch your thoughts to something else. Repeat an affirmation like “everything is well” or “I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. Everything is as it should be.”
If you still struggle to switch your thoughts over, focus on your breath. This is the easiest and fastest way to bring you back to the present moment. Pay attention to the sounds and smells around you and make an effort to be right here, right now.
Step 6: Focus on the positives
And your last step in this process is to start focusing on all the stuff that does go right in your life. The stuff that you take for granted and don’t appreciate because it either happens all the time, or because you’re too busy worrying about the missed opportunities and whether your dream is going to materialize or not.
Being grateful and showing gratitude is a great way to attract further prosperity and wonderful things into your life. By being grateful, we attract things to be grateful about. What you focus on grows. Like attracts like. Get where I’m going with this?
A good way to ensure that you’re being grateful is to write in a daily gratitude journal. You can buy a proper one from somewhere like thehappiempire.com, download an app like the Gratitude Journal from Happy Tapper or you can go it old school and buy a plain, standard notebook and write in it. Muchos options, beautiful!
And then all you need to do is set a reminder in your phone to write in your journal before you go to bed. This way you’re ending the day on a positive note and going to sleep thinking about all the wonderful, amazing, incredible things in your life you have to be thankful for. Pretty cool, right?
For an extra positivity booster, try to wake up with a positive thought. Too often we look at our bedside clock and groan or lie in bed and scroll through social media, allowing feelings of resentment, anxiety and jealousy to overwhelm us.
Instead, start your day right. Give yourself ‘me’ time where you nurture positive thoughts for the day ahead. Sip a glass of warm water with a squeeze of lemon juice to take care of your body and do a quick five-minute meditation to clear your mind and remove any anxiety that may have popped up overnight.
Remember, like attracts like. So if you’re purposeful, passionate, calm and centered, eventually life will start going your way again.
Light and love, sweetheart! x
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