What Every Couple Should Probably Consider Before Eloping

Planning your wedding can be stressful, causing many couples to contemplate eloping. Read on for things to consider if you’re thinking of tying the knot away from home!

Your wedding day is the greatest moment of your life right? Sure, the day itself may be amazing and memorable, but all the planning and leading up to the big date can be incredibly stressful and exhausting.

Financial costs can be much more than originally anticipated. There are logistical challenges at times. Venues, especially if popular in your town or city, can be hard to book.

Overzealous relatives and friends may try to provide their input where not asked for or needed. Put all of these things together, and you have a mound of pressure taking away from your special moment of committing your life to the one you love. This can cause couples to consider eloping.

Eloping can definitely be a viable option, but there are several factors to consider before you say “I do!” without your family and friends present.

What does eloping look like to you?

Happy bride and groom on a beautiful beach on sunset

One partner may wish to elope to a beach destination, whereas the other may prefer an urban setting in a big city. You may wish to have witnesses whom you know, while your partner may not think that important.

It is important, if you are going to tie the knot elsewhere, that you are both on the same page as to what that looks like and discuss the finite details.

What are the legal requirements? Will your marriage be recognized at home?

The requirements to get married differ from country to country. It is important, once you have picked a destination together, that you research what documentation you need to provide and the time frame in which you will need to do this.

Another thing to consider is if your marriage will be valid once you return to your home country. There is no sense in traveling somewhere to get married if you will not be considered as such upon your return.

Research, research, research! Both parties should share in the work also. You may find things come up between the two of you that one of you had not considered previously.

What are both of your expectations?

Societal norms dictate that women have dreamed about their wedding day since they were little girls, playing with dolls. While this may be true for you, your partner may also have expectations or an idea of what your wedding day looks like. It is important not to neglect this; allow him input in the planning.

Alternatively, if your partner is simply going along with the idea of eloping to appease you and your stress, they are not taking their wants into consideration. It is important you are both respectful of each other’s wishes for your big day.

Another thing to consider may be if this is your second wedding and your partner’s first. You may have already had the full-on, bells-and-whistles traditional wedding and not want this again.

Your partner, however, may not have had the experience and may secretly desire a more traditional day, but feel silly admitting this to you, or they feel it will automatically be shut down if suggested. You can avoid this by using these guidelines of “The Three Cs”:

Communicate: Ensure that you always talk out your feelings and wishes in an appropriate manner. i.e. no condescension, no yelling and no fighting.

Consideration: Take each other’s position, experiences and feelings into consideration.

Compromise: Make sure you are able to compromise in the end. Can you live with a destination wedding where only immediate family is invited (if this is important to one of you)?

Can you deal with an urban wedding versus a beach bonanza? Compromise is very important in any relationship, and is a skill that you, as a couple, will need to practice throughout your marriage to make it succeed.

What is the potential fallout?

Beautiful young woman holding coffee cup and smiling while standing near her friends on the roof terrace

Granted, your wedding is all about you as a couple making a lifetime commitment to each other. With that being said, it would be safe to presume if you did not let your immediate family at least know your plans, they may be hurt and not understand why they were not invited.

It is important to discuss this as a couple as well as how you choose to handle it.

The same may be true with your friends. You may want to consider telling your immediate friends of your plans, and assure them that you will have a celebration when you return in which they will be welcome to participate.

Know there will always be people who may not respect your decision or agree with it. You need to be able to live with this and accept it.

What is the cost of eloping compared to a traditional wedding?

Some people choose to elope for financial reasons. It is also important to consider if, in the end, it will actually be cheaper to do this, particularly if you plan to travel to an expensive destination.

What are your costs for the documentation, marriage officiant, pictures, etc? What would be the cost to plan your special day at home?

There are many ways to cut down on costs associated with your big day and to cope with planning stress.

Ultimately, your wedding day will be as unique and special as you are. You and your partner need to figure out what the best option is for you, and what is important to both of you.

If you are on the same page, it will curb some of the stress associated with planning your wedding, and perhaps sharing the tasks will bring you much closer together than you originally thought!

What is your experience with wedding planning? What stresses did you encounter? Did you choose to elope? What was your experience like?

About the author

Lisa H.

Lisa is versatile, being a Psychology-trained addictions worker by day, writer by night. She enjoys traveling, dance, & can squat her body weight. Her dream is to integrate her education & love of writing into a sustaining career.

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