How to Deal with Not Feeling “Good Enough”

Do you feel like you have something to prove to the world? Like you constantly have to do great things or take care of others in order to feel “worthy”? If so, then it’s time to learn how to change that feeling – today.

The reasons for not feeling good enough vary from person to person. Maybe someone has told you that in the past and it has stuck with you. Or, perhaps you’re just extremely hard on yourself and cause the feeling yourself. Either way, it’s bad times.

Where “good enough” does not exist

woman walking in colorful snowy forest

Thinking that you have something to prove or constantly trying to validate your self-worth is exhausting. It’s like you’re searching for the gold at the end of the rainbow but just when you get close enough where you think you can see it, it moves. So you begin your trek again, determined to get your hands on it if it’s the last thing you do.

While perseverance to that extent is usually a good quality to have (as success requires that level of effort), in this case it’s actually a fault. Why? Because your search will never, ever result in finding what you’re looking for. To put it simply, you’re looking in the wrong place.

“Good enough” does not come from friends, family or colleagues. Sure, it may feel like it does because you get a sort of high or good feeling when others recognize your efforts and abilities. But, that is just a mirage; it’s the gold at the end of the rainbow that doesn’t exist.

Where “good enough” does exist

young beautiful woman looking at camera

If you truly want to feel worthy and complete and whole, that can only come from within you. You have to know that you’re a good person and realize that while you may not always do things perfectly, you always try your best and that’s all anyone can ask for. You have to come to terms with the fact that “good enough” definitely exists within you; you just haven’t recognized it because you’ve been looking everywhere other than where it is.

When you give the power to someone else to determine your value, your self-worth, you’ll be disappointed every time. Even if they compliment you and thank you and tell you that you’re great, you don’t believe them. So you continue to do more and more until it’s all about them and not at all about you – making you feel not “good enough”.

How do you break out of that? How do you go from trying to prove yourself to everyone around you to knowing that you have intrinsic value regardless of what anyone around you says or shows? Admittedly, it’s not always easy, but it is possible.

Here are some tips that can help you finally feel “good enough” (because you are):

  • Focus on yourself. In order to resolve these feelings once and for all, you have to set everyone else aside and concentrate solely on yourself. Although it’s great to want to make all of the people in your world happy, you have to make your happiness the most important. That isn’t being selfish, by the way. Look at it like this: The stronger you are mentally and emotionally, the more benefit you’ll have to those around you. It’s okay to give yourself permission to be number one.
  • Recognize your positive qualities. If you want to quit looking to others to point out your positive attributes and great qualities, you have to be willing to recognize them yourself. That involves not only seeing them, but believing them as well. So, make a list of all the things you like about yourself and know to be true. Now is not the time to be modest either. Just be honest and write down your strengths. This does two things for you. First, it makes you realize all the wonderful traits you possess. Second, it gives you a list that you can access when you’re feeling down about yourself to remind yourself how great you truly are.
  • Assess your beliefs. Maybe you already know that you’re a good person, but you still can’t shake the feeling that you’re just not “good enough”. Well, it’s time to assess that thought, or belief. Ask yourself what or who makes you feel that way? Does it really have any merit, or is it just a thought that has stuck regardless of whether or not it has any validity (which it doesn’t, I assure you)?
  • Prove the belief wrong. Even if you want to believe that you’re worthy of living a good life without other’s pats on the back, it may be a hard pill to swallow without any proof of such. So, prove it to yourself by picking out some times in your past where you’ve done amazing things. Maybe it’s when you gave birth to a child or perhaps you met a goal that took great courage and determination. Keep these types of events in mind so that when you hear yourself say that you’re not capable, you can remind yourself how very wrong you are.
  • Keep the power. The one and only person that can determine your self-worth is you. Other people may have opinions of you, but that’s all they are – opinions. Just because they believe something about you doesn’t make it true, unless you let it be. And, it really doesn’t matter what they believe. When you start to feel yourself being influenced by someone else’s thoughts of you, you have to push them aside and decide that your thoughts contain more power than theirs ever will.

When you finally realize that you’ve been “good enough” all along, it will feel like a ton of weights have been removed from your shoulders. You will be free to go about the world and do whatever it is that you want to do, versus what you think others want you to do, which is a great feeling.

So, go out there and enjoy yourself. You deserve it because you truly are “good enough.”

About the author

Christina DeBusk

Changing careers mid-life from law enforcement to writing, Christina spends her days helping others enrich their businesses and personal lives one word at a time.

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