5 Signs You Should Stop Forcing Friendships

It can be tempting to try to hold onto friendships simply because of the amount of time you’ve invested in them, but this isn’t always best for you.

Letting go of friendships you’ve cherished for years can be hard, but sometimes it is necessary.

Just because you were the first person to arrive at their thirteenth birthday party or you spent a few years hanging out in the hallways of high school between classes doesn’t mean that your lives are going to continue in the same direction forever.

Sometimes, it’s just not worth the effort. When you spend more time stressing about the status of your friendship than actually enjoying the person’s company, it’s time to do some reevaluation.

You initiate contact every time.

Source
Source

Although it may sound petty or immature to complain that someone doesn’t text you first, it’s an actual problem.

It seems very ‘middle school’ to worry about things like that, and that’s what they may say to you if you ever choose to bring it up, but a friendship has to be a mutual exchange.

When you are certain that you would never speak again if you didn’t text them first, that’s not a good friendship.

Surround yourself with people who text you to let you know about a show on Netflix that they’re sure you’d love, or who call you and sing ‘Happy Birthday’ at midnight just to be obnoxious.

This shows that they’re actually thinking of you throughout the day, and your name doesn’t just magically pop into their head when you go out of your way to contact them.

When they do initiate contact, it’s to talk about themselves.

You get a text or call from a friend. You’re excited to catch up with them and update them on your life.

The problem: they’re not actually interested in your updates, but rather their own.

After an hour of listening to how great their significant other is, how well work is going and how happy they are with how life is going, they’re done with the conversation.

If someone doesn’t ask how you are and actually wants to know the answer, they can’t call themselves a friend. It’s not fair for you to encourage them, support them and take an interest in their life when they don’t make the effort to do the same for you.

Making plans always seems to be your responsibility.

Source
Source

On a similar note, it becomes discouraging when you are consistently the only person who wants to make plans. You text or call them every time you’re in their neck of the woods and want to hang out, only to have them have some obscure reason why it can’t happen; it can be frustrating.

Yes, people are busy. People have lives. People have priorities.

But, if you’re less of a friend they want to connect with and more of a backup plan when nothing else exciting is going on, that’s not fair.

It’s such a cliche, but it’s true: if you’re merely an option to them, you shouldn’t be making them a priority.

You appreciate your other friends even more in comparison.

When you put up with a bad friend for a long time, your other friends who actually treat you how you should be treated will make you feel even better.

They pursue you to make plans. They ask how your day has been. You don’t have to beg them to pay attention to you like you would with someone who have become distant and disconnected.

These are the people you need to surround yourself with. These are the people who will be your friends for life. These are the people who care about your life on their own, without you having to chase them down and beg them to care.

You’ve talked to them about your concerns and nothing has changed.

Source
Source

These conversations are the hardest to have, especially with people you care about.

But, it’s a problem when you voice your concerns and they still go unnoticed—or worse, if you voice your concerns and they turn it around to make you the bad guy.

That being said, be aware of their complaints as well. You might not be completely innocent. Make concessions as needed, compromise and try to make things work. But, stand up for yourself and demand that they treat you as you deserve to be treated or it might be time to walk away.

Spending time feeling drained by friendships that make you feel undervalued and forgotten is a waste of time.

If someone causes you more sadness and frustration than happiness and joy, it’s not a friendship worth having. There’s no need to get dramatic. No need to have a drawn out “friend breakup.”

Just take a step back, evaluate the situation from the outside and decide if you are willing to put yourself through this anymore. If not, move on. Invest your efforts in friendships that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. You will be a happier and more peaceful human being after it.

About the author

Taylor Maple

Taylor is a junior at Ohio University studying journalism & political science. You can almost always find her at a concert, a bookstore, or in bed binge-watching Grey's Anatomy. She is passionate about empowering women and helping them succeed in life, love, & careers.

Add Comment

Click here to post a comment