What is Twitter Used For

It usually starts with you getting tired of Facebook, or some moron convincing you “Twitter is a must.” Then you make an account, and you start wondering: what the hell is the purpose of this? Well, let us guide you through the pros of Twitter. Don’t worry, there aren’t many.

Stalking

Just like Facebook, the main reason you should have Twitter is – stalking. Yes – neighbours, ex boyfriends, ex friends, but most importantly – celebrities. Everybody’s got Twitter: Lana Del Rey, Rihanna, every single model and even Karl Lagerfeld… But, here’s the problem: Britney will never tweet the reason of her brake-up with Justin Timberlake.

Lana won’t say if she really is dating Axel Rose. They tweet the most boring things, like “I’m having a concert in The Middle Of Nowhere! Love 2 my fans!!!” And all that in 140 characters? Wooow!

Telling People How Awesome You Are

If you’re sitting at home on a Friday night, pretend that you’re having fun and that you’re not on Twitter. Still, If you’re going to, let’s say, Milan, you should definitely tweet it. If you’re eating at the most expensive restaurant, add a location to your Tweets so people can be jealous.

Telling Your ex You’re Sooo Over Him

Woman Sitting Next To Window And Using Laptop

Even if you’re not. If he dumped you, or broke your heart, and you want to get back at him, you can delicately put something interesting in your Tweet. Say, you could Tweet “guess who’s having a hot date tonight? I am” or something equally dumb. You can also post a photo, of you licking cream of an Abercrombie and Fitch sails guy if, you’re not so delicate.

Being Popular Although You’re Ugly and Have no Social Life

Twitter is filled with nasty looking chicks with dumb nick names like “Kitty cat – lustful” who are facing popularity for the first time ever. How do they do it? They post sexually explicit tweets like “hot ass and no one to share it with” and of course, they are terrible at grammar.

Lying to Your Boss

I actually enjoy doing this. When I feel I need to add credibility to my lying I just Tweet them. Like “Damn this cold, will it ever pass, I want to work so badly”, “Damn this traffic, I will never get to work” or “Damn these aliens, why do they kidnap me on a work day?.” I seem way more honest this way.

Having Something to Do at Work

Attractive woman sitting at desk in office working with laptop computer holding document having takeaway coffee

Whenever I work, I feel like I have nothing interesting to do. Then I use Twitter, and look at how boring everybody else’s lives are, so I feel a little better. It gives me a reason to make evil comments like: “you’re sooo funny… You’re sooooooo funny” or “writing a new book? Exactly what the arts of literature need.” Yes, it’s shallow, stupid and degrading. Still, people watch the Kardashians and they’re still alive – a little Twitter won’t hurt.

And then you get hooked to this garbage.

But it’s designed that way, like drugs: you try it, it sucks. You continue using it, because you are unable to believe that something can suck that much. And, then you’re hooked.

Cover photo: https://twitter.com/

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