There is so much that can risk putting us women off – far-out sexual ideas, personal insecurities, the fear that we won’t be able to live up to his expectations of the fantasy.
No wonder half of us aren’t even aware of what our partners would really like to get down and dirty at – they are afraid that our reactions will be negative!
Finding Out His Sexual Fantasy
How do you know if your man has secret sexy fantasies you could take part in? Well, he may already be trying to hint at it, without opening himself up too obviously for rejection, or not wanting to immediately freak you out.
Often a guy will use a very simple technique that works really well to get a girl on board. It’s called ‘planting the seed’!
If a guy plants a subtle seed in your head, all he has to do is nurture it a bit and watch the ideas form in your head voluntarily like they are your own. Watch out for any seed he may be trying to plant for clues as to what his sexual fantasies might be.
For example, does he whisper dirty thoughts into your ear when you are in public, or secretly fondle your feet and legs with his under the table, or graze his hand up your thigh when no-one is looking just high enough for you to feel those glorious first twinges of sexual arousal between your legs?
Is he trying to express that he enjoys the idea of having sex in public? Maybe he fantasizes about doing it in a park, or having a quickie in a dark alley or public restroom?
If you are fairly confident that you won’t be intimidated or put off by whatever your guy’s private sexual fantasies are, there is nothing to stop you from initiating the conversation and asking him what he visualizes when he is getting turned on.
If you think he might be cautious of telling you the whole story, then start off by talking about the things that turn you on, and make sure you include those bits that are a bit more on the risky side to give him the confidence and cue to open up as well.
Prepare Yourself for His Sexual Fantasy
If you are an open-minded kind of girl and eager to take part in your man’s sexual fantasy, you may decide to do some mental prep beforehand to make sure you know exactly what it is you might be getting yourself in to.
There are some men who have very particular and intense fetish interests that you may know very little about. He probably won’t plunge straight in at the deep end with you, but it will help if you prepare yourself first so that you know what to expect.
Otherwise you could just end up freezing or getting freaked out and the whole thing will be a turn off for both of you.
Remember: The point of sexual fantasies is that they only really work if you’re both genuinely interested in trying it out and the idea turns you both on. if it is one-sided or you are just doing it to please him, there is no point.
You can prepare yourself by going away to do your own research into the specific topic, but just be aware that you could end up finding out all sorts of off-putting information that may have nothing to do with what your guy actually finds sexy. The best thing to do is to talk about his fantasy plenty with him before you get round to getting involved.
Mental preparation will not only prepare your mind and give you a better understanding of the fantasy itself and your involvement, but it will also sexually prepare your body.
The more you talk about fantasies with your partner and find out what turns him on, the more turned on you are likely to become, and your body will begin to ache in anticipation!
Once you are turned on by the idea of something, you don’t have to worry so much about general hang-ups because your body and mind are already in a state of anticipation and sexual yearning. All that is left is for it to happen!
What Kinds of Sexual Fantasies Does He Have?
There is not one answer to this question, but here are some ideas that will give you an idea of what different men find arousing…
- Sex in public places – He may find the risk element of being caught or discovered a turn-on. The naughtiness of secret yet public sex is thrilling and envigorating.
- Threesomes – Men are visual which means they like to watch! Watching two women at once, while being involved in the interaction is mind-blowing for guys that like the idea of a threesome. It’s also a huge ego-boost to have two women all over him and each other. He may even be into the idea of sharing his woman with another man because it turns him on to see you turned on!
- Anal stimulation and anal sex (both ways) – Guys who are turned on by women’s backsides are probably also into a bit (or a lot) of anal play. They love knowing that they are turning on a woman with sensations she may be unfamiliar with. They enjoy the idea that a woman trusts them enough to enjoy anal play. Some men also like to have their own anal areas stimulated! Anal sex can be sexy on so many different levels. Maybe its part of a submissive/domination fantasy?
- Submission and Domination – This is a fantasy that allows him to play out a role that perhaps doesn’t correlate with his everyday personality. Does he like the idea of an assertive and dominant woman? Or perhaps he enjoys having the power to make a woman feel comfortable enough to submit to her own desires and trust him enough to surrender herself to his sexual whim? This fantasy has less to do with control or violence, and more to do with handing over power and enjoying he freedom of someone else being responsible for your pleasure (and punishment). It is a lot about self discipline, restraint and reward.
- Role Playing – Stepping into the shoes of a fictional character can be liberating and bring out assets of your personality you may not even know exist. If your man is into role playing he is turned on by experiencing sex with you in a variety of scenarios that mimic everyday situations in a sexual context.
- S&M – If he is particularly kinky-orientated then he may enjoy experimenting with the pleasure and pain boundaries. The body, when in a state of arousal, can experience a wide range of stimulation through light teasing touches to harsh restraints. The pleasure comes from using specially-designed equipment, toys and outfits. Often S&M is part of a domination fantasy.
- Bondage – Being tied up or restraining a woman can be exciting because it leaves one partner completely vulnerable to the other person’s sexual actions. Often blindfolds are used to increase the anticipation.
- Dressing up – Your man might have a specific preference to what he enjoys seeing a woman in, for example he might like tight corsets, or sexy lingerie, or outfits used in role playing.
- Gender-swapping – Some men find it a turn on to dress up as a woman, and even engage in sex with them girlfriend dressed up as a woman.
- Sexual Massage – Massage is a sensual way to extend foreplay, but it can also be a naughty fantasy. Does your guy secretly want to take advantage of you on the massage table?
- Playing with food – Messy sex can be liberating and fun to play with during sex. Chocolate spread, whipped cream, ice-cubes are all foods that can enhance foreplay and give a guy chance to appreciate your body on a different level – your breasts smeared with his favourite flavoured desert, and your nipple peering out, wanted to be licked and sucked clean!
- Playing with sex toys – vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, anal beads – you name it!
- Sex with a stranger – The excitement of having sex with someone he doesn’t know, maybe on a train or in a bar. You can dress up, wear a wig and be that sexy stranger!
- Sex with a prostitute – Hiring a professional to have sex with is a common fantasy among men. It’s a one-night stand with a woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.
- Being talking down to, or up to – There are men who enjoy being degraded believe it or not. And there are men who enjoy blurting out degrading exclamations about their women in bed. Each to their own.
- Dirty talk – Hearing naughty words and sexy descriptions of what turns you on, or whispering not-so-sweet nothings into your ear during sex heightens the arousal for most guys (and girls).
- Orgies – When there is sex going on all around you its probably impossible not to get aroused and want to get involved.
- Swinging (having sex with other couples and swapping partners) – Is your guys attracted to the idea of a fluid sexual relationships?
- Voyeurism (Watching other people having sex) – He may want to watch you secretly getting undressed or having a shower, he may want to watch you pleasuring yourself in front of him, he may want to watch the couple in the flat across the road having sex or watch porn while having sex with you!
- Wild crazy raw or rough sex with lots of noise and oil and crudity – This is uninhibited carnal pleasure at its best.
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