In Bed

Losing Virginity Later In Life – How To Deal With It

Losing virginity later in life can be daunting for every woman, but don't forget that it can also be a great experience. Here’s how to make the most of it!

Losing your virginity later in life can be a choice if you want to wait till you are in a long-term relationship or marriage. Or it can be that you simply didn’t meet someone you clicked with till then.

Below you'll find tips on how to make the most out of losing virginity later in life. It is something that can be a great experience, so don't be embarrassed!

Your mindset when it comes to losing virginity later in life

Beautiful young woman in lingerie lying in her bed looking away thinking

If you didn’t meet someone you liked enough to lose your virginity to, even though you wanted to, it might be that you feel embarrassed. Why couldn’t you find love or attraction sooner? The truth is that whoever you’re with now is attracted to you and that’s all that matters. They like you. That’s why they’re with you.

If it was your choice to wait till now to lose your virginity, then own that choice. Be proud of who you choose to be.

Whatever the situation might be, rather than dreading sex, look forward to it! You’re about to explore one of the most pleasurable things on Earth. And your attitude towards losing your virginity will influence the way your partner feel about it, so choose to have fun and be positive!

Should you tell someone you’re still a virgin?

Telling them or not telling them is your choice, but if you are looking to build a relationship with them, then you should definitively tell.

If you can’t trust them enough to share your secrets, or enough to believe they have your best interest at heart, then they’re not someone you should be in a relationship with.

If it’s a vacation fling or one night stand, then you don’t have to tell them, but they might go a bit slower if you do.

How to tell someone you’re still a virgin

Happy couple lying in bed covered with blanket over head and talking at home

Telling someone you’re still a virgin, especially if they’ve assumed you’re not, can feel daunting. It shouldn’t have to be, though.

First of all, as mentioned, you need to be with someone you trust. Some people get romantically involved with people they’re attracted to, but don’t trust them.

They walk on pink clouds, but if you ask them if they think the person is truly caring, will always have their best interest at heart and is 100% trustworthy, they don’t know.

Choose someone you respect if you are to date them. If you respect them, then surely you don’t think they’d think badly of you for revealing the truth about you?

Hopefully, you’ve been yourself all along, so this is just adding another piece of the puzzle to their impression of you.

Secondly, as a storyteller I’m here to tell you that it’s not what you say most of the time, but how you say it, which is dependent upon how you feel about it.

If you have chosen to wait to lose virginity later in life for whatever reason, then share that with pride. Own your choice. Someone who stands up for who they are, so long as they do so with humility, are usually met with a great deal of respect.

If you, on the other hand, are feeling ashamed because you haven’t lost your virginity or you think that you aren’t physically attractive enough, or don’t have the personality to attract men, then you need to change your thinking.

Everyone who feels they are attractive become attractive. Find your inner goddess. Learn to appreciate yourself and show it through the way you carry yourself, through your clothes, through all that you do.

You might have had a hard start in life. It might have made you shy, frightened, afraid of men…a plethora of things could have happened that you reacted to, which led to you having unsatisfactory, or no, relationships with men.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud that you’re working to change things. There’s nothing people love more than someone who overcomes struggles.

When should you have sex with someone?

It’s important that you wait to have sex with them till you trust them. If you met someone when away on vacation and you just want some fun in the bedroom, then it’s a slightly different situation, but there’s still a huge amount of trust involved – there’s always trust involved in sex. That’s why you need to feel safe with whoever you’re with.

When it comes to first-time sex there’s, even more, trust involved as it is your first taste of something and it should be good (even if it’s not a perfect experience).

So let it take the time to build up – have some heated make-out sessions before you even go near the bedroom. Get used to their touch and learn how to tease them. That way you’ll feel more comfortable in the bedroom.

Knowledge is power

Losing your virginity later in life doesn’t mean you can’t learn all about sex up front…at least the theoretical stuff. Online you will find anything and everything from articles about blowjob techniques to how to talk dirty. Read some of those articles and head to a bookshop and browse through some books too.

Various books on tantric sex also have exercises you can do on your own to awaken your sexual energy and learn to see your body and sex as sacred. I know people who found Shakti Malan’s books incredibly informative.

Some people even choose to attend workshops in tantric sex and there’s nothing saying you can’t do that as a virgin (just make sure to find the right teacher – some are truly spiritual leaders that help people find confidence and see sex as a loving act).

Masturbation is also a very good thing as it allows you to explore your body, to find out how you like to be touched. What’s more, it helps you experience sexual sensations so they don’t come as a shock when you experience them with a man.

Sexual health

Portrait of attractive girl covering one eye with a condom and looking at camera

Doing your Kegel exercises, eating healthy, keeping fit, relaxing and sleeping well will help you to get aroused and orgasm more easily, as your sexual wellbeing is directly linked to your body’s wellbeing. What’s more, those who look after their body and mind often feel more confident. It’s not about being a certain size (if a man chooses you, he likes your size), it’s about being healthy.

Of course, you need to do your research about STDs and how to prevent them, too. Needless to say, you shouldn’t have unprotected sex with anyone, even if you’re on the pill, if you haven’t both been tested, bearing in mind certain sexually transmitted diseases are transmitted via the blood and other bodily fluids as well.

When having sex women sometimes get urinary tract infections, especially if they have sex several times in a day, as it irritates their urinary tracts. Be sure to keep your immune system happy by looking after yourself, try to stay as hydrated as possible and pee after sex. You can also do some research on what women recommend to help prevent these infections.

Another common and unpleasant side effect of sex is thrush or candida. Basically, when the pH balance of your vagina goes wonky, or the area is irritated, it tends to lead to a bout of thrush, which will make you itch for a couple of days. Sometimes this happens as a result of sex. If you itch, also check that you haven’t caught some STD, or that you aren’t allergic to latex condoms!

Nervosity when losing your virginity

Feeling nervous about having sex the first time with a new partner is normal and even if you have had sex with several different partners most people would agree that every new partner is different. That’s to say: they get nervous all over again. So even if you’re dating someone more experienced, he will need to get to know your body for the first time as well and find out what works for you in the bedroom.

The best way to avoid nervosity is to learn about sex and then pace yourself and your partner. Do more and more intimate things together until you feel safe, whether you do tantric exercises, or just have hot and heavy make-out sessions together. On the day when you feel ready for sex, take it easy in the bedroom. Slow down. That will help as well.

Remember that sex is supposed to be a joy and an art. Learn about it. Have fun with it. Explore. Sometimes it won’t be great. In fact, sometimes it might be horrendous. Learn from that too. Let go of pressure. See it as an exercise in exploration – exploring pleasure together with someone you care about.

About the author

Maria Montgomery

Writer. Social Entrepreneur. Foster mommy (twins). Change maker. Foodie. Health freak. Nature lover. Creative nutcase. Blogger (Confessions of a Dizzy Blonde). A friend of mine once described me by saying “One minute she’s like the Dalai Lama, the next a dizzy blonde” and maybe that does sum me up…

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