In Bed

Confidential Q&A: Why Do Men Like Anal Sex?

Find out what it is about anal sex that fascinates men so much, and learn more about the kind of pleasure you can experience if you want to experiment with your partner.

Not all men are into anal sex, in fact there are many men I have spoken to who screw up their faces in disgust at the thought of it. It's not for everyone.

Those men who do enjoy anal sex, enjoy it for some very different reasons. I think it depends on the sexual maturity of the man as to what those reasons are.

If you have a partner who is interested in experimenting with you and you have never tried it before, it is certainly worth finding out what it is about anal sex that turns him on, and what his motivations and intentions are, because these are factors that may dramatically affect your own pleasure.

Whenever you experiment with something new in the bedroom it should always be as much for your own pleasure as it is for his.

The enjoyment of such an act of intimacy exists precisely because it is a shared enjoyment – at least it should – and if it doesn't, then perhaps you should ask yourself if it feels right and why you are doing it.

Anal sex is such a taboo topic that involving yourself can make you feel quite vulnerable, so it is important to thoroughly trust your partner.

Some of the reasons men like anal sex may lead you to question whether you like the implications of his enjoyment. If this arises then your man may not be at a level of sexual maturity to approach anal sex with the respect it deserves.

Many women who have tried anal sex in the past confess to not having enjoyed it, this is because a lot of men don't truly understand what is involved, especially for the woman, and they are basing their enjoyment entirely on a pornographic fantasy.

Let's explore the different reasons as to why men love anal sex, or the thought of it, and then you can decide for yourself whether or not it is for you, and if you and your partner are ready.

Question #1: Do men like anal sex because they like porn?

Most commonly, men who want to experiment with anal sex have a visual fantasy in their head which comes from the porn they like to watch on the internet. We're talking hardcore, rear-end pounding.

Incidentally this is exactly the image that puts most women off it. If you watch anal sex porn, mostly it looks rough and impersonal, not to mention degrading and painful, which it will be if you don't really understand it or know how to go about enjoying anal sex pleasurably.

Anal sex is definitely not something that you will instantly be able to do just like the porn stars do it on the internet!

Bear in mind that those porn stars are usually very high or something or other, or they have used all sorts of numbing creams and muscle relaxants to allow for such vigorous and continuous sessions. If you have tried anal sex and it hurt, it was probably because the guy thought you were a porn star and thought he could just shove it in and go.

Your anal opening requires a lot of ‘training' before any penetration takes place.

This can involve weeks of getting used to the idea, being turned on by the idea of it, and enjoying softer forms of anal play such as anus massage, rimming, inserting a finger or using toys to stimulate you and relax your sphincter muscles; of which there are two sets, the first outer set may be easier to fool but the second which is located inside of your anus operates on automatic shut-down.

You have to slowly tease it into opening to allow anything through!

If you have a partner who is turned on by the anal sex he watches in his porn, then he may not be sexually mature enough to approach anal sex with you in mind. Pleasure from anal sex isn't just about the guy, it can be very intense for both of you, if you do it right, and work together. 

Question #2: Do men like the fact that anal sex is taboo?

Of course, a lot of the appeal of anal sex comes from the fact that it's so naughty, which adds to it's erotic allure. Any sexual act that feels forbidden or secret is more exciting.

What a man will find even more exciting is the fact that you're allowing him to venture into forbidden territory. There is the whole set-up of a challenge, chase and conquest, which can add even more satisfaction to the actual act for both of you.

If a man finds a woman who is willing to be open enough to experiment with him it can feel like a real privilege and honour, if he respects you. He will enjoy the fact that you trust him enough to want to share an experience with him that is so intimate and risky.

He may also get enjoyment from the fact that he is introducing you to new levels of pleasure, and giving you the opportunity to lower your inhibitions and explore your own sexuality.

Question #3: Do men enjoy anal sex because it makes a woman submissive?

The most associated sex position with anal sex is doggy-style, with the man taking the woman from behind.

Men have admitted to enjoying the fact that most women tend to behave more submissively during anal sex than with normal vaginal penetration, and that they love the feeling of being dominant, and overpowering a woman in this manner because it is such a visual treat.

A woman bending over with her back arched and her ass rounded and open is extremely erotic. It is like an invitation, which is something that many guys get off on. It is also quite carnal and replicates the sexual behaviour of many animals in the wild, making the sex feel all the more raw and possessive for the man.

There is no reason why a woman can't enjoy being in control during anal sex though, and swapping roles can be even more of a turn on. When a woman takes over and gets on top of her man she displays the kind of assertive enthusiasm that every man dreams of from a woman during sex.

A woman who desires him and her own pleasure so much that she can let go of her inhibitions is one of the sexiest things for a man to experience.

There are many benefits of being on top for a woman during anal sex too, you can control the depths and speed of penetration, you can vary the angle so that you can gain stimulation in different areas, and you can position yourself so that he has access to stimulate your breasts, stomach, thighs and clitoris at the same time.

If you really start to enjoy yourself, the sensations for him can be mind-blowing because when you are on top it is much easier to use your PC muscles to stimulate him inside so that he feels like he is being sucked into a glove.

It is also easier in this sex position to build yourself up to an intense orgasm by contracting all of those essential muscles in your thighs, butt, vagina and stomach.

Question #4: What does a man physically get out of anal sex?

Some men prefer the feeling of anal sex even more than vaginal penetration. The pressure on the penis feels different. A tight vagina means more ongoing friction, but the only real friction during anal sex comes from the muscles around the anal opening which are tight, but once his penis is inside the rectum it feels soft.

A heads-up – if a man isn't used to anal sex or it is his first time, this is a feeling that can be disconcerting and unexpected, causing his erection to initially falter.

Men also enjoy the feeling of slipping a finger (or two) in and our of the anus and feeling/watching the muscles contract and open. It has a sort of pulsating effect that can be a visual turn-on for any man who is into anal sex.

He might also like the feeling of the anus opening and closing around his tongue as he inserts it and pulls it out again. It's a very intimate position for a man to be in, and his face will be buried in the warm scent of the woman's vagina, which is of course designed to be a natural aphrodisiac!

Usually the first feeling of penetration feels the best for a man; when he eases the head of his penis in and the anus slowly accepts it, and wraps itself around the rim of his head where all those nerve endings are. You should be properly turned on and lubricated to enjoy this feeling too.

As long as you both know that you are being hygienic and have an informed approach to what you are doing, there is a lot of undiscovered pleasure to be had from anal sex. Read more about how to prepare yourself for first-time anal sex here:

About the author

Scarlett Robinson

I am inspired by the ways people interact. Human behaviour and emotions are wonderfully complex, and I want to dig deeper and understand more. This is why I explore intimate relationships in my writing. (I’m also ever so slightly kinky.)

1 Comment

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  • I don’t understand it; I don’t get why any heterosexual man would even have the desire to penetrate the anus, other than owing to latent homosexual tendencies, of which he may not be aware (thus “latent”). That comment is NOT meant to be a “dig” or an insult to those men who enjoy anal sex, it’s just the opinion of a man who doesn’t see the appeal of that particular orifice when there’s a perfectly good vagina just an inch or so away.