Familiarity Breeds Contempt
When you become too comfortable in a relationship it can lead to predictability, which can become boring or irritating; or worse you might both stop making an effort with each other altogether, and it can become as though you don’t even exist because you are so used to each other that you pay no attention to the romantic or sexual side of your relationship whatsoever. You might not even realize that you have both become so complacent until problems crop up in your relationship. Before it gets to that point though, here are 5 ways t rekindle that fire…
#1 Take a Break Together
Getting away from the everyday humdrum of life is a good way to start paying that much needed attention to each other again, because you will be surrounded with an unfamiliar environment and so you will begin to see each other through fresh eyes. Going away somewhere pretty remote where there are few outside distractions can also be helpful, as then you will be forced to focus on one another more, rather than the getaway itself.
Your getaway doesn’t even have to be romantic. Often if you choose to go away somewhere romantic with your partner specifically to rekindle the fire in your relationship, it can just pile on the pressure and you will be unlikely able to relax properly. So choose somewhere simple, like a weekend break at a cottage in the countryside where you can go for walks and enjoy each other’s company.
#2 Get Verbal and Talk About Your Fantasies
Talking about your private sexual fantasies with a partner who you have become so at ease with in everyday life can feel strange and unsettling. You may feel uncomfortable to talk about things of a sexual nature for a variety of reasons; for example, you may feel that it brings attention to the fact that you are not sexual enough in your relationship, and nobody wants to feel inadequate to their partner. You may even just be afraid of discovering new things about your partner who you thought you knew so well, or be afraid of your partner finding out new things about you which may make him see you in a different light.
It does take confidence to open up and make yourself vulnerable by talking about your fantasies, but it can also be sexy and empowering. The great thing is that all the years of bonding you already have under your belt will really come in handy by allowing you to fall back on having a bit of a giggle, because you will both be nervous about exposing yourselves anyway, and having fun with it will take the seriousness away and let you relax more.
#3 Take Yourselves Away From Your Comfort Zones
One reason couples get too used to each other and neglect the romance and sexual side to their relationships, is that things can become mundane when they get too familiar and routine. The obvious way to combat this and keep you both on your toes is to insert at least one unfamiliar factor. By only inserting one, or at the most two unfamiliar factors into your relationship, you will have just enough change to incite anticipation, but not so much that you will feel completely intimidated or threatened.
If you are used to cooking and eating at home every day of the way, try making a habit of having dinner out once a week, just the two of you, and make it into something of a special event by doing it at the weekend and going somewhere nice so that you can make an effort to dress up and get in the mood. Or if you eat out regularly, change the restaurants you usually choose to something unfamiliar. When you take yourself out of your comfort zone you have the opportunity of actually experiencing the enjoyment of something that is unfamiliar. When things become to familiar the enjoyment is often dulled because you know what to expect and so your senses are not fully alert to what is going on around you. If you are awake and paying attention on the other hand, you are more likely to take note of each other too!
#4 Put your selves as a Couple in Social Situations
Sometimes seeing your partner interact with other people can bring your attention to how much you are attracted to them. It is very common for couples to isolate themselves from the social world because they get used to staying in or just spending time together. In the beginning stages of a relationship this is understandable because you are loved up and just want to be with each other, but often it can just become the norm and then it leads to laziness.
When you make the effort to get out as a couple and attend social events where you have to interact with other couples and single adults, you are in effect not only challenging yourselves as individuals, but also as a couple. There will be lots of opportunity to mingle with other people who may or may not be in relationships, and this will stop you both taking each other for granted because you will be able to see just how much other people appreciate your partner, especially if you catch some harmless flirting going on! Socializing together can bring some healthy emotions to the surface that will help to rekindle your initial spark.
#5 Stop Being So Open About Your Life
Just because you are in a long term, committed relationship, it doesn’t mean that you or your partner has to know absolutely everything about each other. A little bit of mystery can do wonders for a relationship in which you feel taken for granted. Keeping some information back sometimes, or shaking up your usual routine will make your partner sit up and pay attention. If he is paying attention he is going to start making more effort to get involved and get your attention back.
The same goes the other way around too. If you are bored of your partner’s predictability, encourage him to do other things. Tell him you’re having a girl’s night out and suggest he does the same with the boys.
How Do You Keep Things Fresh in Your Relationship?
How long have you been with your partner, and what do you do to shake things up a bit? Share your sex tips and relationship experiences with us.