There are many good reasons why your parents spent years instilling all those manners into you, and it isn’t just so you don’t embarrass them in public. That’s right: Your parents knew something about relationships that they may not have even realized and that is that good manners equal good relationships.
Let me give you an example. Have you ever watched an old sitcom like “Father Knows Best” or “The Donna Reed Show?” Did you ever notice how polite the husband and wife are to each other? That isn’t just TV magic or fifties housewife gender roles; it goes much deeper than that. The reason those sitcoms show such good behavior is because good manners are vital to a long and healthy relationship. Here’s why.
#1 You Maintain Respect for Each Other
One of the problems in many relationships is that people lose respect for each other. There isn’t always an outside cause either. Often people lose respect for each other because they get so comfortable that they go outside the boundary of what’s okay and what isn’t.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who was very polite and considerate when you first got together, but then as things moves along and he became more comfortable he…changed? He began burping at the dinner table or farting in front of your friends and laughing about it. Maybe he even stopped putting the toilet seat down or putting his dirty dishes in the sink. That’s because he stopped using his manners, which means he stopped caring about what you think and, in turn, you lost respect for him. Good manners are vital to respect.
#2 You Appreciate Each Other
Another reason why good manners are important in a relationship is that good manners mean you continue to appreciate each other. When you and your partner say, “Please” and “Thank you” on a regular basis, you show each other that you still appreciate what the other person does for you.
When he opens the door for you, he shows you he still appreciates you as the lady you are, and when you say “Thank you,” you show him that you still appreciate his little acts of chivalry that make him who he is. Appreciation and good manners go hand in hand.
#3 The Kindness Never Goes Away
Have you ever seen those couples who argue all the time over petty little things? Maybe one of them says something rude and the other retaliates so they bicker back and forth eventually becoming cruel to one another? That’s another reason why good manners equal a good relationship.
It’s difficult to be kind to someone who doesn’t respect or appreciate you, and when you have bad manners there’s nothing there to respect or appreciate. In other words, you can’t be kind to someone who’s cruel, you just can’t. I know what you’re thinking: Bad manners doesn’t necessarily equate to cruelty. That’s true, but bad manners never equates to kindness either.
#4 It Prevents Petty Arguments
When you see those couples having those petty little arguments, do you ever feel a little embarrassed for them? I know I do. If they can talk to each other like that in public, who knows how they speak to each other at home. It’s uncomfortable to watch to say the least.
However, those petty arguments that happen behind closed doors are also, undoubtedly, uncomfortable. More importantly, they’re easily preventable. One of the biggest complaints I hear women have is that their husband “never appreciates” the things they do. Women tell me all the time they wish they could get a simple “Thank you” for cleaning the house, or a “Wow, this is great” for cooking dinner. Without those manners, women (and men) feel unappreciated by their partner. That lack of appreciation leads to small, often spiteful, arguments.
Another problem is that those little deeds that show good manners (such as taking out the trash without being asked or helping to clear the table after dinner) can build up levels of frustration as well. If one person feels as if they’re doing all the work, then there will be resentment in the relationship. When that happens, people argue.
#5 You Set an Example for Your Children
Why are those old black and white sitcoms considered so wholesome? They set good examples for the children. Let’s look at it from a child’s point of view for a moment. Now, even if you don’t have kids, bear with me because someday you might have children and this information will be very useful.
Children learn what they live. They also learn from what they see around them. Many kids spend hours upon hours in front of the television set, and whatever it is you’re watching is going to influence them in one way or another.
If your kid grows up watching Jersey Shore or any “my baby momma” talk show, then that’s what they’re going to equate the world of relationships with. Of course, it isn’t always as straight forward as that, and I’m not saying that watching Jersey Shore will cause young children to get orange spray tans and sleep around, but I am saying it will impact them.
More importantly, if your kids see YOU act like that, they’ll consider it normal and they’ll likely grow up and be the same way.
When you and your lover are polite to each other, you teach your children to be polite as well, not only polite to you, but polite to their significant other when they grow up. The relationships you show your kids are the kind of relationships they choose when they get older. Why would you show them a bad relationship? This is the time for you to pull out that “Donna Reed” alter ego and teach your children to respect and appreciate their partner when they grow up.
#6 It Still Feels “New”
Not only do good manners keep the respect in a relationship and help to prevent petty arguments, but good manners also makes the relationship continue to feel like new. I implore you once again to go back to those early days of dating when saying “Please” and “Thank you” was expected. Do you remember how good you and your man felt about each other when you were using your manners? Yeah.
Whenever you and your guy keep up the good manners, the relationship keeps that “new” feeling. You know, the one where you thought he was Prince Charming and he thought you were an absolute angel! Good manners is one of the things that keeps you “in love” with each other (because you don’t build up those little resentments towards each other).
#7 Your Families Appreciate it
Does your man have one of those hard-to-please mothers? Does your father hate your guy for stealing away his little girl? If the answer to either of those (or both of those) questions is “yes,” then your good manners are highly needed to ease the parenting pain.
When you show your significant other’s parents that you’re well-bred and that you were raised to show respect and courtesy to people, those parents are going to want to keep you around. That’s because they know that good manners are hard to find nowadays, and they also want to make sure that the apple of their eye doesn’t run off and marry some jerk (male or female). Believe me, nothing shows a parent you love their child more than being respectful, kind, and showing that you were raised with good manners.
#8 Good Manners are Classy
It isn’t just your parents that you want to show off those manners to; your friends also need to see them! Have you ever invited couples over for a game night or a few drinks and dinner? Have you ever seen any of those couples start arguing in front of everyone? It gets awkward real quick, doesn’t it?
Do your guests (and your host and hostess) a favor – don’t be those people. Use your manners with each other, with the other people at the party, and genuinely be polite to everyone. This will not only make sure you’re invited back to future parties, but it’ll also instill a deep jealousy in those couples who do nothing but fight (which is always a little fun, too, isn’t it?).
#9 It Gives the Relationship Equality
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see a couple walking down the street and one of them walks in front of the other without even turning back. I really hate that. I also hate it on a date. It’s rude to be with someone and walk ahead of them. Even more horrendous is when the man is walking in front of the woman and doesn’t stop to hold the door open for her (I’ve been on more than one of these dates). It’s shameful to act that way!
When you apply your manners, you are creating an equal balance in your relationship. Two people who are polite and appreciate each other will always go the extra mile and make sure the other person is right beside them (literally and figuratively speaking). Anything less is not good for a relationship.
Using good manners is not a way of resorting to “outdated” gender roles or succumbing to someone else’s will. It’s quite the opposite. Many people assume that by using your manners with your lover, you’re not comfortable enough with that person to be yourself.
The truth is you are being more of yourself when you continue to love and respect your partner by using your good manners. You’re continuing to be the person they fell in love with, the one who appreciated them in the beginning of the relationship and continues to appreciate them. Good manners bring out the best in you, which means you’re bringing out the best in your relationship.
#10 You’re Happier with Each Other
All in all, when it comes down to it, good manners equal a good relationship because you’re happier with each other. Think about it? Could you ever really be truly happy with someone who isn’t good to you? Could you ever really feel complete with a person who doesn’t respect you and doesn’t appreciate you? No, you can’t. There’s no sense trying to pretend.
When it comes to using good manners, it’s not only good for your relationship it’s actually one of the most vital aspects of your relationship. Men and women who always use good manners with each other end up continuing the habit without conscious effort, and they are the ones who end up having a truly fulfilling partnership. Good manners prove that you respect someone. Good manners prove that you care enough about the person you’re with to be your best for them. It might not sound like much, but in a loving relationship it means everything.
Ask yourself this, would you behave that way with your partner in front of your parents? I’m not talking about playing around or talking dirty to each other (good manners does not mean no naughty time); I mean if you were having dinner with your family would you let your partner do all the cooking and cleaning up? Would you forget to offer to help set the table or help do the dishes?
Probably not.
So why would you treat your lover with any less respect when there’s nobody around to see it? In fact, you should show your lover more courtesy when there’s nobody around because those private moments are the moments that really matter. So tell us, do you and your significant other still use good manners?
Well unfortunately most women nowadays have very horrible manners and no respect at all for many of us good single men looking for love now since they’re so very damn nasty when we will try to start a normal conversation with one of these real pathetic losers. It is very sad how the women today have changed for the worst of all when most women in the old days were very old fashioned and real ladies.