Relationships

He Ghosted You And Came Back – Should You Forgive Him?

The ghost and return is when a guy who ghosted you decides to show back up in your life, and this is how you handle that if it ever happens to you.

When you get ghosted, it’s horrible. You make up tons of excuses as to why this great guy who you thought was totally into you decided he just wasn’t.

Maybe he died, or maybe he moved across the country and lost his phone with all his contacts. Who knows, because when you get ghosted you never really find out what happened. That is until he decides to pop back up into your life with all his charm and wit trying to start things up again.

When the guy who ghosted you comes back there’s a mix of excitement and anger. What makes him think you’ve been sitting around waiting for him to come back all this time?

If he has a good excuse for why he ghosted you then there’s a good chance that you can relax but if he doesn’t offer one at all it’s even more infuriating. Here are a few tips on how to handle the ghost and return.

1. Find out what happened

Young romantic brunette couple talking at restaurant

If the guy who ghosted you returns back with no explanation and as if nothing ever happened you’ll feel the need to press him for answers.

This is your right to know, after all, why he just disappeared. It’s important to give him time to give you a reason for why it happened so don’t jump down his throat at the first sign of contact.

Something serious could have had him tied up for all that time and you won’t know until he tells you. A decent guy will offer an excuse right off the bat so you won’t have to wonder, which will allow you to decide whether or not you want him back in your life.

But when he doesn’t, that ego driven need to know what was wrong with you that made him treat you that way will rear its ugly head. Instead of getting angry with the guy who ghosted and returned, wait a few days and then casually bring it up.

Asking him right out, preferably in person so he doesn’t have time to make up any excuse will help you get to the bottom of things. If he doesn’t give you a response that you’re happy about it’s best to just cut things then and there.

There’s no use giving time to someone who didn’t respect yours unless they can offer up an apologetic and real reason as to why they ghosted you.

2. Decide if there is still room in your life for him

If his excuse is good, your still single and are actually really interested in him then you have the option to decide whether or not you want to try things again. But knowing deep down that he could ghost you again will always be in your mind.

It’s important to take things at face value and avoid getting too invested in a relationship with someone who has flaked on you before. On the other hand, you may be totally disinterested, in a relationship or just have moved on from your feelings for him and in that case, you can politely tell him that your no longer interested in pursuing anything with him.

Or, if you choose to take this route, you could ghost him back, but this is ill-advised as you wouldn’t want to sink to his level. Being the bigger person is always the best route to take when dealing with a ghost and return because you don’t need any karmic backlash.

Sure, it sucks to be ghosted, but it’s not the worst thing that could happen to you, not by a long shot. So if he isn’t going to be in your life, just let him go and move on.

3. Make him work for it

Tourist couple walking in romantic city

If you do decide to give the ghoster another chance, make sure you make him work for your affection a whole lot harder than he did the first time around.

It may seem like a bit of a game, but that’s because you need to be sure of his intentions and feelings before you let yourself get invested again.

The ghost and return is a seriously messed up thing to do to a person, which almost always shouldn’t be forgiven, but if you are the forgiving type and feel a real connection with this person than going ahead with it isn’t always a bad idea.

That is, though, so long as you make him prove to you that he’s there for the real thing and isn’t just killing more time with you before he disappears again. Don’t make him break his back trying to prove his love for you but he should be willing to put in some real work because of your history of being ghosted by him.

4. Anticipate it happening again

Although he may seem sincere and is giving you the full-fledged girlfriend treatment, that doesn’t mean that his past actions should be forgotten. If he ghosted you once, there’s a decent chance that he’ll do it again even if he says he won’t.

Be sure that you keep your guard up until he proves without a shred of any doubt that you are the one he wants, and he’s not going to leave you hanging again.

When you do deal with the ghost and return, it’s hard to give yourself up fully to that person because of the constant fear that one day he’ll just be gone. So if you’re aware of the fact that it could happen again, you’ll have more control over your feelings if it does.

5. Don’t hold it over them

Portrait of a beautiful couple talking on the bench outdoors. Looking at each other

Usually, when someone ghosts you it’s because they are simply not interested. And that’s through no fault of your own, it just happens sometimes.

But if someone pulls the ghost and return there’s a decent chance that they had actual feelings for you but for one reason or another couldn’t deal with them at that time.

So, if the ghoster in question returns for more and you end up forgiving them and having a relationship with them it’s important to let go of the initial ghost.

You don’t want it to eat at your relationship and cause problems later on because you can’t get over it. If it does bother you to the point where you’re carrying it over into the relationship, then he may just be the wrong guy for you and you’ll need to start fresh with someone you can trust not to disappear on you. It’s all in how you approach the situation and the ghoster and what he offers you in return after coming back.

Personally, I’ve dealt with the ghost and return and it doesn’t feel great. When it comes to the guy in question, he turned out to be a dodged bullet after his actions upon his return.

That isn’t to say that all guys who pull the ghost and return are horrible, but it’s important that you take the time to really get to know him, and realize his intentions because if you don’t you may just get ghosted by the same guy twice and that is a real punch to the face. Have you ever had to deal with the ghost and return and if so, how did you handle it?

About the author

Angie B.

Angie B. is an avid book reader and dabbler in all things creative. Words are her paramours and she lives to love. Her friends call her their personal therapist and she loves giving advice on relationships, style choices and everything in between.

3 Comments

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  • Why go back? Come on now. We all have our phones and simple text takes seconds to send. The other question is: how do you know who it is calling/texting you? You should have deleted his number after him ghosting you! I had a guy ghost me 3 consecutive times. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and kept texting. Nothing. He finally surfaced later and said his mom was sick. (eye roll) . Even if it’s true what kind of relationship would it be? If something comes up he can’t just send a simple text and will just leave me hanging…no thank you. That is not very respectful.

    • I had a Ex professional athlete Ghost me it never worth giving a second chance to someone who didn’t respect you the first time.

  • I definitely dealt with a ghost and return….. The first time I was ghosted he came back 3 months later with a sorry. Why is it that when you like a guy, they disappear but when you’re over them they come running?! Its super frustrating and just shows how stunted they are. I hate to be that judgemental but the evidence doesn’t lie, sadly. Anyway, how I dealt with it was: I took a bit to reply because I wasn’t sure if I should or not. In the end I feel like there isn’t enough kindness in the world and this guy was going through some tough times, so I responded. I kept it polite but I did ask what his intentions were. After a week went by with no response I started to get annoyed, so I directly called him out asking if he was ghosting me again. He said he just wanted to write a proper response…….aka “stalling”. Two days later he sent me a pic of him at a concert with a DJ……REALLY? Time to go to concerts but not even ten seconds to respond to my email? I didn’t respond to his DJ text and I’ve not heard from him since. DOUCHE. Why bother saying sorry, wanting to re-establish contact only to turtle again? Good riddance I say, that is a man not adult enough to just say it like it is. I would have accepted either answer: 1) I just wanted to say sorry but I can’t start up anything at the moment, I still want to stay friends 2) I really think your awesome, I’m just unsure how to proceed. Both of those take ten seconds to write and maybe a couple of days to mull over NOT WEEKS AND MONTHS. Ladies, quit putting up with men not communicating with you, you’re only ruining it for yourselves and the rest of us, and the men too actually! How great would the world be if we were just honest with each other? Maybe we wouldn’t always get what we want but at least we could walk away knowing we spoke the truth. Amen.