All rough experiences offer us the opportunity to find the silver lining, even when it comes to fighting with our boyfriend. When we take the high road and make an effort to take responsibility, we can see the relationship grow and the flowers of romance start to bloom again.
All relationships have their seasons which change, so they can never stay the same way. As we grow and evolve with the changes and cycles of the moon, we go through the tides in our relationship as well. The ebbs and flows bring a surge of novelty every month, week and day.
When we learn to ride the tides, we can use these moments of confusion to learn how to build positivity in our relationship. Does this sound like a bunch of hippy dippy nonsense? Well, emotions are the driving force behind relationships and if you want to have a steady one, you need to face the changing tides and not fight them.
Here are 10 ways on how to apologize to your boyfriend and turn your mishap into a great thing.
1. Announce the silver lining
Many times arguments happen because of miscommunications. I’ll be the first to admit it’s hard to understand a person’s intentions all the time, and to make it even more complicated, they are trying to figure out your intentions too. Sometimes we don’t even know what we want or are trying to say.
When you throw all that into the mix, do you really think it’s logical to think we aren’t going to have to work through some misunderstandings on a regular basis? Homeostasis only exists at the end of fairytales and the reality we live in is better because we get to continually have revealing moments and grow into better people in the learning process.
Step one is figuring out how your actions contributed to the misunderstanding. Step two is figuring out why you did what you did or said what you said. Were you being defensive? Impatient? Hormonal? Were you feeling threatened or afraid? Whatever the reason is, it’s just important you pinpoint it. Then you can ask yourself why you have a tendency to do this.
The silver lining can be found at this point. Once you find out why you did something, it’s then possible to figure out a step to take so you don’t repeat it. That whole process of uncovering the root of your emotional responses and reactions is one of the most empowering and noble things you can do in a relationship.
If you blame him for the way you react to certain situations, things will continue to escalate on a regular basis.
Once you’ve found your own revelation, you can share it with him as a promise of growth and movement in a positive direction. Notice this is a positive shift of mindset from a seemingly negative interaction.
2. Gift of reconciliation
A token of your empathy for his feelings can go a long way. It doesn’t have to be expensive, in fact, it would be better if it were sentimental. Think about putting something on a mug like: I’m Sorry ‘Insert Nickname Here.’ Getting a t-shirt printed might be funny too.
You could get him a plant that represents growth, a bracelet or necklace or maybe a ring. Something like a book about travel, art or an inspiring thing might be nice too. The gift is essentially going to bring in positive emotions and charge your energy differently. Don’t just buy something for the sake of buying it; make sure you connect to it emotionally.
Maybe give in to something he has been hinting about for a while, and it will brighten up his day. Think of the things he likes to do and get him something that goes along with one of his hobbies, if you want. If it’s not a strain on your budget, book a surprise vacation on AirBnB or another romantic weekend getaway.
3. Meal from the heart
Surprise him with a candlelight dinner. Even if you’re not the world’s best cook, making an effort to set the mood can help mend things between you and your beau. If you just act like nothing happened and go about your life, it doesn’t resolve the tension and let’s it fester under the skin only to explode resentfully at a later time in a giant verbal explosion.
That’s why you want to do something, take action and make things right. Maybe a healthy pasta primavera or a grilled chicken salad with a nice glass of wine followed by a romantic movie will help to lighten the mood between you two.
It’s good to use romantic things like this to change things up. We get stuck in our heads about what was said in the heat of an argument and tell ourselves all sorts of stories about why it’s not our fault. Just be the bigger person and do something nice. Say ‘I’m Sorry’ and have some fun.
4. Admit your fault
We do need to verbalize that we feel what we did was unjust, cruel or accidental. This gives him emotional closure and validation. He may not realize he needs it but it really does help. It shows we are aware of how we make him feel with our words and actions and that we care about it.
Often we end up apologizing for being a bit hormonal around our time of the month and it’s good to offer to put a reminder on your calendar to chill out during this time next month. It sounds silly, but if you prepare for this monthly phenomenon of moodiness, it might not catch you both off guard so much.
You’d think we would learn right? I mean, how many of us have an emotional freak-out at least once a month? It does kind of creep up on us, but look at the pattern, if you seem to have it out with him once a month; maybe it is partly triggered by hormones. Whatever the case may be, we need to admit we were at fault, period (pun intended).
5. Propose your step to keep it from happening again
Here comes the fun part. What are we going to tell him is our plan of attack to make sure there is no repeating this? Perhaps it can be therapy, yoga, meditation, journaling, taking ‘me’ time more often or finding some balance in your life in other ways. Make sure it’s something you think will actually help.
For most of us, we just need to work on balance. If we feel like there is something missing from our lives we are probably doing something else in excess and just need to work on ourselves. It’s a constant learning process and we will always have to shift our action steps to balance the new challenges in our lives.
6. Do something that makes you both laugh
Dress up as a lobster and come home with roses. Just kidding, rent a funny movie, hang a ridiculous poster in his bathroom, get an obscenely large tub of ice-cream from Costco, just do something that will lighten the mood. I always like the idea of seeing comedy live.
We all get in the habit of taking ourselves too seriously as life unfolds, but it’s good to take a step back and just as easy as it sounds, so just laugh. There are even laugh yoga classes now and it’s not a bad idea to get some tickets and take your partner.
7. Lighten up with good music
No heavy metal or Bob Dylan, we need Bob Marley and that Banana Pancakes guy. Spotify has some great playlists that have uplifting music, and Pandora does too. Music is healing and does affect the mood.
I’m not saying this way of apologizing is the only thing to do, but it does help heal the wound. There are even good sound healings you can attend together like a crystal bowl meditation or gong ceremony.
These different instruments create really strong vibrations that tend to bring up and release emotions in people. If that’s a little too modern for you, maybe go to a symphony or orchestra performance. If those are too boring, find some good live music like reggae or jazz and take your man. There’s a reason music is popular, it works.
8. Splurge on his favorite dessert
That’s right, we are bending the rules. Cinnamon buns, cakes, chocolates, ice creams, tiramisu, it’s all fair game. Get in touch with his best friends or relatives if you don’t know what his favorite dessert is, and then hit yourself in the head for not knowing.
If you really want to confuse him, put a candle and a balloon beside it as if it were a celebration. As cheesy as this tactic sounds, apologizing is an art and it’s the element of surprise that is the key ingredient. People, for the most part, are bored with the routine of life and when you switch things up in positive ways, they appreciate it.
9. Frame a photo as a token of working things out
Take some time to get a cool frame that you would be excited to get as a gift. Don’t just get a boring cheap frame. Art is something that speaks to you and photos are a form of art. The photo could be of the two of you, of a place you visited or something special between you. Maybe it’s a photo of you in all your beauty for his office.
Be creative with this, maybe find a photo he has never seen or one from his childhood. The picture should represent the strength of your relationship and the kindness between you both. I can’t tell you specifically what type of photo will inspire you, but try looking through old albums or Facebook to find something great.
You can also try closing your eyes for inspiration and taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Inspiration and creativity flow best when we relax and do not try to force ideas.
10. Take responsibility for something you did in the past and apologize
It can be nice to apologize for things that happened way far back too. Maybe it still comes up once in a while or maybe you just never did apologize for it. It’s worth a shot to show him you have changed and are working on yourself. If you get in the habit of apologizing, it can set a good example for those around you to do the same.
Life is confusing and we aren’t perfect, we never will be. But when we take responsibility for our actions and keep working on ourselves, we grow. We should realize that we will always have moments of confusion in relationships, so try to notice your thoughts and realize when they are becoming increasingly negative before you speak to your partner.
Take some time for yourself to reflect and calm down. Sometimes the best way to avoid and prevent disagreements is to take time each week to spend by yourself.
Hopefully, this article gave you some ideas about how to take the high road, be the bigger person, empower yourself and heal your relationship. Real women take responsibility for their words and actions and don’t point the finger at the other person. Real women are kind and tough simultaneously.
As a disclaimer, please understand that I’m not saying that everything is your fault. If you do feel like your fights are coming from an unhealthy place such as substance abuse, verbal or physical abuse, seek help and a safe place immediately.
Do not, at any point, blame yourself for an abusive relationship and make sure you have other people around to check in with if you feel unsafe. Unfortunately, many women don’t even realize they are blaming themselves for abusive relationships that are not their fault.
Abusive relationships can trick us to make us think we are doing something wrong because manipulative behaviors can break down self-esteem. Words are strong and need to be guarded carefully on both sides.
With that being said, if your arguments spark over minor things, see what role you may be playing.
Thank you for reading, and if you have some great apology techniques, please share them in the comment section below, and look through the other relationship articles for things that might help your or your girlfriends.