How To Be More Secure In A Relationship

Feeling secure in your relationship is quite important for it to succeed, but can be difficult to achieve. Here is how to be more secure in a relationship.

Relationships are not all rainbows and unicorns. There are times that you’ll hit a point where you ask if you are enough to keep it going against all odds. There are moments you’ll doubt if you are good enough for your partner.

Feelings of insecurity are as normal as disagreements in a relationship. However, if you often find yourself feeling insecure about your relationship, it’s essential that you identify what’s causing the feeling.

Reasons you feel insecure in your relationship

how to be more secure in a relationship

You judge yourself by other people’s standards

You don’t do yourself a favor when you compare yourself to others. This works the same way in a relationship. If you deliberately compare your relationship to that of other couples, you’ll end up feeling inadequate. You are unique with your own talents and capabilities. Your relationship has its own strengths and milestones as others. Stop comparing.

You overthink things

You may not notice it but when you overanalyze your partner’s behavior towards you, you jump to hasty conclusions and create problems that probably didn’t even exist in the first place. Take your partner as he is and do not put words in his mouth. Shut out the negative thoughts as your thought quality has a direct effect on the quality of your relationship. Stop psyching him out.

You are carrying too much baggage from past relationships

We’ve all had our fair share of relationships that did not work out the way we wanted them to, so let’s not judge our present ones based on our past ones. Love is a crazy and unpredictable ride and we can only travel it smoothly by unloading the heavy baggage that weighs us down.

How to be more secure in a relationship in 3 easy steps

Once you get to the root of your insecurity, the next step is to make a conscious decision to find security in the relationship. To help you get started, here are three powerful ways to feel more secure in your relationship.

1. Love yourself first

how to be more secure in a relationship

It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary. ~ Mandy Hale

People who love themselves enough and know their worth do not struggle with insecurity as much as those who are not aware of their own value.

When you respect yourself enough to focus on your physical and emotional needs first, you become aware of what you can do and achieve. When you have a life outside the relationship, you don’t lose your identity. You don’t depend on him like a child.

Your partner will recognize this and see you as an equal rather than someone he needs to attend to all the time. When you see his response, it will boost your confidence and since this boosts your morale, you will feel more secured.

2. Keep the lines of communication open with your partner.

Communication in a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies. ~ Tony Gaskins

The quality of communication in your relationship will also tell you whether or not your relationship will stand the test of time. Healthy communication should be a habit for both of you.

Think of each other as a trusted confidante. If there’s something troubling you that impacts the relationship, communicate it effectively. Talk to each other with respect and keep each other’s feelings in mind when communicating.

Misunderstandings can be avoided by speaking your mind in a responsible way rather than just keeping quiet.

3. Trust is a must

how to be more secure in a relationship

A relationship with no trust is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won’t go anywhere. ~ Unknown

If you’ve been hurt terribly in the past, do not let it ruin your present by allowing it to take control of your present relationship. While trust takes the time to build, you can give it a strong foundation by giving yourself permission to try again by trusting and believing your decisions in the present to be wiser.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, too. Be honest with each other and you’ll be amazed at the level of trust and respect you’ll have for the relationship. You’ll notice just how valuable the relationship becomes to both of you when trust has been built over time.

When you are in a relationship, you are at your most vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and there isn’t always a guarantee that it will work. Feeling secure with your partner and the relationship you have actually starts with you. It is equally important for him to participate as this is a team effort.

It’s going to take some work but with the right attitude and by following the actionable tips above, you’ll get there. When your constant hard work, efforts, and determination pay off, you’ll feel more secure than ever and you’ll realize it’s all worth it.

Do you have words of wisdom and actionable tips for getting rid of feelings of insecurity in a relationship? How do you feel about your relationship? We’d like to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments section!

About the author


Maine Belonio

Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.

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