Eenie meenie minie mo catch a boy by the toe… Oh no, you’ve gone from being single to having two guys after you and what’s even worse is you like them both! What a dilemma! On the one hand, you could consider yourself lucky; on the other hand, you’ve got some decisions to make and inevitably someone’s going to get hurt.
I get you, you’re in a difficult position right now, but you need to make a decision because if you keep messing about, you may just end up losing both the guys. Here are a few ways to determine which guy to choose.
#1 Weigh Up The Qualities Of Each Guy
It’s time to get the old pen and paper out and write up a list of pros and cons for each guy. It may sound a little childish, but one of the best ways to make a choice between two guys is to figure out what it is you want in a partner.
Get writing and write your list of all the qualities that you consider to be important to you when it comes to your potential partner – treat it like a bit of a shopping list but don’t be too pretentious (remember, looks aren’t everything).
Smart, kind, compassionate, helpful, funny, independent, good job, family man, never been married… what are your criteria?
We’re all different and what you look for and I look for in a partner may be completely different, but if you’re looking for a decent boyfriend and a long-term partner then the guy you choose to be with must tick at least some of those boxes. Don’t get crazy and obsess about them having to fill ALL the criteria; that’s impossible because no guy is ever that perfect!
#2 How Compatible Are You Both?
Okay, so you don’t need to have tons of things in common, but there are a few important factors that are going to help determine your compatibility such as their personality, choice of lifestyle (is he a homebody or is a party animal?), career goals (is he happy staying as a store attendant or does he have the ambition and drive to really succeed in his field?), his future plans (does he want to get married and have kids?) and financial security.
Being financially secure doesn’t mean that he has to be rolling in it (that’s an added bonus), but you need to know that he can hold his own, not mooch off you, and also provide for you and the family in the future if that’s on your agenda.
After you’ve got your list, take a good look at it and rank them. This is going to give you a good idea (albeit not concrete) as to which guy matches you best.
#3 Compare And Contrast
So, it’s not really fair to compare guys too much because each person is unique, but this sometimes you need to – it’s time to get a little analytical. Compare your two potential boyfriends to see who will be the suitor to win your heart in the end.
Again, you need your pen and paper. On your two previous lists, write the guy’s name next to the qualities that relate to him. Don’t forget to take into consideration the weight of each quality for example being independent is far more important than being physically active. This exercise is going to make it a little bit clearer who is the better match for you and who is going to make a better boyfriend.
#4 Looking Out For Those Relationship Deal Breakers
So, you’ve looked at all the positive things, but what about those things you’ll never put up with in a relationship? Think about these things. Perhaps you won’t ever tolerate a person who doesn’t know how to compromise, a person who’s too negative, a person who doesn’t want kids or a guy who’s too jealous.
Perhaps another deal breaker could be that he still has a lot of unnecessary contact with his ex. Do either of these guys tick any of the deal breaker boxes? If they do, this is a negative mark against their name.
#5 How Do You Feel?
I imagine you’re going through a lot of stress right now and you want to be sure that you really make the right choice. Step away from your lists for a moment and consider how you feel about the situation generally and how you feel for each guy.
How do you feel when you’re in the company of each guy? Which guy brings you the most joy? Who do you have the most fun with? Which guy is more compassionate and loving? Who are you more attracted to sexually?
And the big question: Which guy gives you those butterflies and makes you feel weak at the knees? Sometimes you can’t fight the power of sexual attraction and if the guy who makes you stammer and go all silly ticks some of the other categories, perhaps he’s the right guy to choose.
#6 Don’t Be Blind to Any Red Flags
When we like someone and we’re sexually attracted to them, it’s easy to get blinded by their hotness and the qualities that you like; as a result, we sometimes overlook some of the glaring warning signs that we really shouldn’t ignore.
Now is the time to step outside from the situation a bit and look at things objectively. There may be things that are more subtle and then there may be huge flashing lights that everyone else can see but you can’t.
Look out for the following – negativity, aggression, jealousy, selfishness and so on.
And if either of your guys has these then you should consider dating the guy who comes with no red flags. Some of these red flags are often minor things, but they can also potentially manifest into other bigger problems so be aware.
#7 How Does He Deal With Life?
Take off your rose-tinted glasses for a sec and think about how each one of these guys deals with life and what it has to offer.
We all have crap days sometimes, but how does he deal with them? Does he blame the world (and worse, you), or does he just get on with things? What does he do when he meets unexpected tests in life? Does he deal with them in a practical way or does he lose his cool and panic?
Is he willing to admit he’s wrong? What does he do to try and rectify damage that he’s caused? Looking at these things is important because it’s going to be an indicator of which guy is most likely to stick by you in thick and thin.
#8 What Does Your Heart Say?
Take a moment or two to meditate and get in tune with your feelings.
Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes and try to interpret the messages your heart is sending you. If you listen to your heart and your inner-voice, this is a sign that one guy is the right one for you.
After going through all of these steps, listing of pros and cons and meditating, you might just realize that neither guy is a match for you. If this is the case, that’s totally cool and it’s better that you find out now rather than later when it’s too late and you get stuck in a relationship.
Cheating, two-timing and whatnot is not an option – don’t be that girl.
Eventually, you’re going to have to choose which guy you want to date and although it might be a difficult decision, try and do it as quickly as possible not to keep them hanging, it’s not fair.
For sure you’ll probably miss the company of the guy you don’t choose; however, it’s best to let him go so he can find his ideal match elsewhere and it’s also fair to the guy who you chose too. Remember to think carefully, it’d be terrible to make the wrong choice because you were just going for his looks or his bank book.
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