Relationship

It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over – So Make Yourself Crystal Clear

Ending a relationship usually isn’t easy. In many occasions, it doesn’t end the moment you decide to brake up. If your relationship was longer than a few weeks, you probably made a lasting impression on your boyfriend in one way or another.

Some men may find it difficult to accept that you don’t want to see them anymore. Sometimes, you can unconsciously give off ambiguous signs which they can interpret in a wrong way, and believe that they still have a chance with you.

Here are a few advices on how to make your ex understand it’s over.

There is no Gray Zone in a Break up. It’s Black or White and You Should Be as Clear about It as Possible

This may seen obvious, but using the right words can make a big difference when you brake up.

In my practice I have spoken to women that were adamant on not hurting their partner, so they tried to brake up by asking for ‘’more space’’ or using similarly vague phrases. Don’t use them, and be as clear as possible. If you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, you should come out and say it.

There are ways how you can slow down a relationship. A brake up is something different.

If you focus on presentation and not the core message, your former boyfriend may see the brake up as a pause, and not a definite split up. Don’t be surprised if he, in this case, continues to call you and tries to stay in your life.

Breaking up is similar to taking of a bandage – if you try to take it slow, usually you’ll end up with more pain.

Don’t Avoid Him, Avoid Behaving in a Way that Gives Him Mixed Signals, Like Being too Personal

At all cost, avoid texting him a few days after the brake up, asking how he is doing and what’s going on. I shouldn’t point out that you shouldn’t do it at night, after you had a few cocktails. But, although your relationship is over, your ex boyfriend will probably still be around. So, you shouldn’t have to avoid him no matter what.

If you really want to communicate, do it by calling him or meeting for a lunch, but try to act like he’s your friend, not your former boyfriend. Don’t talk about the ‘’good old times’’ and don’t stir up memories.

Games are for Kids, so if You Care for This Guy, then Make up Your Mind and Decide Whether It’s Over or Not.

pretty lonely girl thinking

You are the one who decided to end your relationship, not him. Be steadfast and resolute about your decision, and don’t be tempted to give him another try. In your mind, you have to be positive that everything is over between you two.

If your sure about it, it will show in your attitude towards him. If you’re not, you might as well invite him to cling on to hope and think that, maybe, you’ll take him back.

This doesn’t mean you should be terrified if you catch yourself thinking about him.

It’s completely normal to play out the relationship in your mind, especially in the period right after the brake up.

One survey from 2011 that involved more than a 1000 participant showed that 74% of women believe that they think about their ex too much. Another 76% of women have looked up an ex on the internet.

Thinking about your ex is expected. Not acting on those thoughts is crucial if you want him to understand it’s over.

If you stand behind your decision, he will eventually get the message and move on.

About the author

John

I am a psychologist, author and a journalist, currently in training for a Gestalt therapy degree. I am mostly interested in emotional relationships and the process of change in people endlessly fascinates me. When I’m not working, I enjoy movies, novels, travel and snowboarding.

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