Even if yours and your partner’s parents are not feuding like the parents in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, they can still be causing a massive strain on your relationship.
As amazing as relationships can be, they can also be very difficult. The last thing you both need is your parents or in-laws making things go south in your relationship.
However, it isn’t as easy as that realization should be. There are many common issues that are created by your parents or in-laws. These issues then create plenty of strains, arguments, and disagreements on your relationship.
Fear not, read on to learn how to not let parents get in the way of your relationship.
Let’s say your parents or in-laws are too intrusive. They come over with no notice all the time, are constantly trying to nose in on your plans, and invade yours and your partner’s space. Believe it or not, despite the sitcoms and media displaying this as something that is unwanted to couples, parents always do it. This is common.
You and your partner need to both speak to them about this. You need to tell them that you need more privacy and space away from them. You also need to stress how their surprise visits are way too frequent and intrusive.
You need to ask them to call before they come and to come over less. As well, remember boundaries and rules are your friends, especially with overly intrusive parents. You need to set these and enforce them in order for you and your partner to have more privacy and space.
If they do not respect this, then you need to stress this even more, and to even say to stop coming over for a while. Yes, that may be harsh and they are your parents or in-laws, but you need to focus and do what is right for your relationship.
Gifts and payback
Although your parents and in-laws might be giving you great gifts such as a vacation, money for a house, or just nice gestures, they come at a price.
That vacation is one with an adjoining room for them, and the house they are helping you with is going to be visited by them every day. Even though you aren’t paying them back with money, you are paying them back by enabling them to be intrusive and smothering.
As much as these gifts are nice, what you have to do as a form of payment is being polite. This is beginning to become very damaging to your relationship.
Meaning, you and your partner need to stop accepting these gifts and tell them that you can handle this on your own. Meaning, you won’t feel obligated to condone this behavior which is causing stress on your relationship.
You are not your parents
Your parents or in-laws may not approve of your choices. That isn’t to say that your choices are wrong, in fact, they are far from it. The problem is that these choices are ones which they didn’t make and wouldn’t make.
This is a big issue because if they have issues with your choices, I’m sure they have no problem letting you hear all about it. This then creates a massive strain on your own health, along with your relationship.
Most people say their parents do not approve of their decision based off of their job, where they live, what they do with their partner or even their lifestyle. Either way, this shouldn’t be the case.
You and your partner both need to sit down and talk with them. You need to tell them how they make you feel when they do this, use examples of what they have said, and then tell them to stop.
You also need to tell them that it is your life, not theirs and that these decisions are yours to make and not theirs. You also need to stress that you would like their support, and if you don’t have it because it is something they wouldn’t do, then you don’t need to hear any negative comments.
They don’t like your partner
This is similar to the problem mentioned above. They don’t approve of your partner, and they let you know every possible chance they get. This is a huge issue as your partner is someone you love and are going to be spending the rest of your life with. They need to get on board with that if they can’t that is their problem, but they need to still treat your partner right.
Although you are wondering how to not let your parents get in the way of your relationship for this specific problem they create, you need to only focus on how you can help your partner.
You cannot look for any middle or common ground. Instead, you need to stand up for your partner, defend them fully, and tell your parents if they don’t stop then you will not be seeing them often.
This will be hard on you, but you also need to realize that your partner should be coming first, especially if your parents are doing this.
Always Picking Fights
If your parents are always picking fights with you, or are trying to hurt your feelings, then that is a massive issue that is definitely affecting your relationship.
The best solution for this is to sit down and tell them that you are no longer so young where you don’t defend yourself. You need to show them you are older and are also more independent.
Show them that there is no need for them to always pick fights, and if they continue, they will see you less than they usually do or you will stop talking with them about certain things because you don’t want to deal with them.
Flying from the nest
Your parents or in-laws may have issues with how little they see you or do things with you. This may be something that causes issues very fast because they are expecting you to continue to stay around all the time. They are not expecting you to be out, busy, or with your partners family instead.
What you need to do is remind them that you are older, your own person, and are going to be busy doing other things. If they cannot understand and respect this then you should not necessarily tell them what you are doing all the time. You should make sure you see them, but also in a way that suits everyone’s schedule.
Nothing can be worse than your parents or in-laws guilt tripping you because you say no to doing something, haven’t done something you didn’t know was expected of you, or for life choices. This is very common and is a reoccurring issue that needs to stop.
Once again, you need to show them you are independent and stand up for your choices. You also need to defend yourself and tell them to stop doing this because it causes unnecessary issues and drama.
Your own world
This is the most important answer if you are wondering how to not let your parents get in the way of your relationship. Just don’t let them. It is important to tell your partner everything that is going on and what is happening. However, after that is done you can discuss it if it is even worth discussing for a brief amount of time, and then move on.
You should remember that your relationship should not suffer because of your parents or in-laws actions and behavior. Instead, after you talk about it, you should just move on and do things for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
Dealing with any issues your parents and in-laws are starting can stir up some problems, and is a very difficult subject to broach. However, it is necessary and you should always remember to defend yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
If you can think of any other answers to help people who are wondering how to not let their parents get in the way of their relationship, then feel free to share!