Jealousy is an emotion that drips with evil. Those who hold this feeling can get consumed by it. It starts to penetrate every fiber of their being until there’s not a cell in their body that holds trust on any miniscule level. It can make the sanest person feel absolutely crazy.
Your peeps are supposed to have your back and be happy for you when things go right in your world. However, that isn’t always the case. So, how do you tell when a friend has gone from being there for you no matter what to wishing your demise because you’re in a place that they’re not?
Signs of “Friend Envy”
Here are some signs that may indicate that your friend is feeling a little envious of you and where you are in your life:
She downplays your achievements
When you succeed at something that is difficult for you, those who support you are normally proud of your accomplishment. They are extremely supportive and make you feel like the Queen you are.
So, if one of your peeps doesn’t seem overly impressed by the fact that you’ve achieved one of your goals, it may be because she is envious of all the attention and accolades that you’re getting. She may secretly wish that she was the one who was enjoying the entourage of fans.
This person may point out others who’ve achieved your same position or goal in less time or she may act like what you’ve done is no big deal. Either way, she’s trying to knock you down a peg or two so that she doesn’t feel like there is such a great distance between where you are and where she feels she is.
She makes it about her
Some people just can’t stand not being in the spotlight. So, if you’re getting all the glory and she’s sidelined, she may try to talk herself up or do something that gets herself noticed. She craves where you’re at and will do something to try to get herself in that position of attention and fame.
A friend who is envious, then, may talk about things she has done that make her feel just as important as she thinks you are. Or, she may set out to do something that she believes will get her just as much attention as you’re receiving at the moment. It’s kind of like a child who acts out to receive any sort of attention, positive or negative.
She tries to make you feel guilty
A lot of females are very good at playing the guilt card. They know that the best way to get you to feel sorry for them for not enjoying the success you’ve found in life is to make you feel bad that you got where you are without them.
This can be portrayed by the friend that puts on a pouty face and says that they wish they could experience your success with you. They may even cut themselves down in an effort to get you to play them up and point out their good qualities.
While it’s normal to wish for a success that someone else enjoys, you should never feel guilty about where you are in life. In fact, you should feel very proud of yourself for achieving what you’ve achieved. A true friend will help you do just that.
She says she is happy for you, but her actions say differently
Some people try to hide their envy or jealousy. They know deep down that it’s wrong to not support and be happy for the ones they hold closest and dearest. So, she may tell you that she’s very happy for you when you can see clearly that she is struggling with that very same idea.
Her face may grimace when she says how proud she is of you or she may shift uncomfortably in her seat when others pay you some attention. Maybe she tries to avoid the whole topic altogether beyond her congratulations to you because she doesn’t want to lie to you and be all fake.
How to deal with the jealousy
You can handle these types of friendship situations a couple different ways. You know your friend and your relationship best, so you can decide which option is best suited for your situation. Here is:
The good…
Some friends are envious because they lack the self-confidence to believe that they’re capable of doing or receiving good things as well. In this case, just showing your pal a little attention to make her feel special and important may be enough for her to feel good about herself so that she can feel good about you and where you are in life.
This type of friend truly is happy for you and wants the best for you. She just wishes she was you, which is a great compliment on any level. Let her know that you think she is pretty special and your relationship will likely stay intact.
The bad…
If she is bitter and outwardly trying to cut you down and make you feel like you aren’t all that special, it’s a little worse than having a friend that is just envious. This type of person is more spiteful and hurtful, both of which are bad in any relationship.
You may decide to call her out on her actions. Remind her how your life isn’t perfect, that there are times you’ve struggled and ask her for her support. She may not realize that her jealousy is getting in the way of being the friend she wants to be.
And, sometimes it’s just best to just ignore her biting comments. If you truly believe and understand that she is just having a difficult time accepting your success, then letting her little snippets go may be the best thing for your relationship.
The ugly…
Sometimes friends can cross the line. They say or do things that cause irreparable damage and create breaks in the bond of friendship so deep that you can’t believe that the person standing before you was once someone you trusted and accepted.
In this case, it may be best to let the friendship go. While it’s sad that a relationship should end just because you’ve had good things happen in your life, it’s one of those little realities we all face at one point or another. Not every friendship is meant to be forever.
Although jealousy amongst friends is understandable, that doesn’t mean that it has to be tolerated for any length of time or become the focal point of your friendship causing you to continue to try to outdo each other. After all, a friend is someone you should feel comfortable being yourself with, not someone that makes you want to watch every word you say so that it doesn’t sound like you’re throwing your success in her face.
No one said that all friendships would be easy and only you can decide if this one is worth it. Essentially you have three options: accept it for what it is, change it to make it better or let it go before it becomes toxic. The choice is yours.
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