Ever caught yourself thinking “my boyfriend is boring”? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us because let’s face it: after a while, the excitement fades.
In the beginning of a relationship we’re fascinated by the new person in our life and just scoring a date with him is like winning the lottery.
After some time going to the movies, AGAIN, doesn’t seem all that breathtaking. And if your boyfriend isn’t the most imaginative type you can fall into habits that are far from exciting. In this article, I give you some ideas for how to spice up your relationship again and make things more interesting!
We all want our boyfriends to come up with the ultimate date night. Unfortunately, they aren’t always super imaginative and what they consider a great date night isn’t necessarily what you consider a great date night.
The first thing to do is to have a chat about date nights – what you both consider romantic, as well as things you think would be fun to explore together, be it hiking, or going to a museum. If you don’t know what you like it’s hard to create dates around it.
Secondly, you can start alternating with who comes up with what to do for the date.
Day-to-day life can make it hard to go on elaborate dates, so most weeks you might opt for dinner at home, a restaurant, or a movie, but decide that once every other week, or once a month one of you comes up with something more lavish, be it a weekend away, a fun activity in the city, or something very special at home, like a spa night where you pamper each other, or one of you gets pampered by the other.
If you want you can also create a date night jar where you put ideas for date nights that you then pull at random, or you have one jar each and pull from each other.
If you’re thinking “my boyfriend is boring” then it might also be because you’ve grown stagnant as a couple. Things that grow stagnant die. To prevent this from happening you need to grow as a couple, learn together, and/or experience new things together. Below I’ve broken it down to give you some ideas!
When you learn you grow and develop, which leaves you feeling fulfilled. When you learn something you’re interested in you’re also doing something you enjoy, which means you’re happy. Being happy together is important, as is growing together.
Have a little chat and find out if there’s something you’d like to learn together. For example, you might be dreaming of going on a trip to France together and could do a course in French together, learn French cooking together, or join a French movie or cultural club together.
It could really be anything from a photography course to learning how to scuba dive. The important thing is that you’re doing something where you bond whilst growing together as individuals.
Experiencing new things together
Chances are you won’t think “my boyfriend is boring” if you’re experiencing new things together – from weekend trips to cities you’ve never been, to skydiving.
Write down a list of things you’ve never experienced, but always thought sounded kinda cool, from sandboarding and paintballing to visiting the Easter Islands.
Sometimes when we’re in a relationship we get lazy, because we come home to something which satisfies our need for companionship. When we’re single we’re constantly trying new things as we want to meet new people because we don’t have anyone to come home to.
What’s more, after a break-up we tend to push ourselves to go beyond our own boundaries too; dare ourselves to do what we always wanted but were too scared to try because we suddenly wake up to our not-so-perfect life.
When we feel our life is “OK” we are much less likely to get off our butts and challenge ourselves to do what we truly want. So when we get too comfortable in a relationship we often stop growing as a person, or as a couple.
Both new experiences and learning together is important if we want to build a happy relationship, just as learning new things and experiencing new things on your own is important for you to remain happy as an individual. If you stop being by yourself, you’ll get lost in the relationship and might actually perceive your boyfriend as boring as a result of that.
Growing as a couple
Common sense tells us that the longer we’re in a relationship, the better it should become because we will get to know each other better. Unfortunately, common sense, in this case, is wrong – most of us grow complacent and forget all about getting to know each other better because we think we already know each other.
What’s more, we are no longer impressing each other like we did in the “wooing” phase of the relationship. Remember that first date when you changed your outfit ten times before you showed up? And you had 500 questions for him as you wanted to know EVERYTHING about him?!
Compare that to how you feel now. Are you still deliberating about what to wear? Do you dress up for every date? Are you really trying to find out things about him that you don’t already know?
We change every day as we experience new things every day, but when we get used to a person we often stop noticing, stop asking questions, and just go about our day.
In a similar manner, we stop trying to impress them because we think they’re already ours so we don’t have to work for it.
Getting the glow back in a relationship is a lot about going back to what you did in the beginning – being curious about each other and wanting to show each other you deserve each other’s love.
If you think “my boyfriend is boring” chances are you also think he’s boring in bed. If you stop exploring in the bedroom and it turns into a routine it loses some of the excitement.
Pick up a few books about sex tips, read a couple of articles and see if you can spice things up. Also talk to your boyfriend about what he wants. Make him feel safe expressing his desires. You don’t have to do everything he asks, but he should comfortable being able to express what he wants without you chiding him.
If you want to grow sexually on a more spiritual plane, get a couple of books on tantra and read this article that I wrote about tantric sex. The article is a good place to start and will give you some exercises to try.
Tantra is a great practice for bonding with one another during sex and increasing intimacy. Sex, after all, shouldn’t just be about the naughty stuff, but also about the connection you have with each other.
Lastly, remember to express love. Relationships feel so much more alive and fun when you both feel treasured. Compliments, gifts, romantic gestures…it all adds up to a much more solid and fun relationship.
Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you want some tips in that department! It’s the book that brought me back faith in relationships.