When you first start dating someone and you are extremely into them, it is very normal to ignore little signs that either they or the relationship, in general, may not actually be healthy for you.
Soon enough, those relationship red flags will become reality, and you will have wished that you listened to your gut instincts sooner on in the relationship. Here are 10 relationship red flags that you should watch out for in a relationship.
1. The person you’re with is not kind to others
I have heard someone say before that it is always important to see how your date treats the waiter when you are out to eat. Even if your date is so kind and courteous to you if they treat the person that is giving you a service badly- then that is a red flag. Especially if this is in the beginning stages of your relationship.
Of course, if someone is very into you, they are not going to treat you rudely at all- they are trying to impress you. But if they treat others badly, that is a sure sign that as they get more comfortable they will do the same.
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
It also does mean that the person may have a mean streak in them or a very large ego. It may seem romantic that the person you’re with only has a “soft spot” for you, but it isn’t. It is a tell-tale sign that they will treat you the same later on.
2. You feel like a rebound
I firmly believe that it is possible to meet someone that you will be with for a very long time- or that they may even be “the one” soon after getting out of a relationship.
You never know when that person is going to walk into your life. But it is also very possible to date someone soon after ending another relationship and having them just as a rebound.
It is important to watch out for that if you or the person that you are dating has just gotten out of a relationship. If you still find yourself thinking about your ex a little too much, or if the person you are dating constantly talks about and still talks to their ex- that may be a sign that you are a rebound. It is important to heal from your breakup, and the person you are dating needs to do the same.
3. Jealousy and possession
Don’t get me wrong- jealousy in relationships are completely normal. If you are very into someone, it is not unusual to get jealous- even over something that you don’t actually have to get green with envy about. But there is a difference between normal jealousy and jealousy that borders on very possessive behaviors.
If the person you are dating is constantly trying to make you feel bad for talking to other people- on a friendly basis- or gets mad if you spend time with other people rather than them, that is a sign that they may become even more possessive as the relationship goes on. It is absolutely something to watch out for.
4. Infidelity or very flirtatious behavior
Many of these relationship red flags have gray areas. There are plenty of people who have cheated on significant others in the past, and they meet the right person and they do not stray at all. Sometimes, the expression “once a cheater always a cheater” is not fitting. But sometimes, it can be.
One “red flag” to watch out for is if the person you are dating is very flirtatious around other males or females, whether it is around you or not. Also, if you know that the person you are dating has been a serial cheater in the past, it is important to know what you are dealing with.
I am not saying that they will do that to you- but there is always a chance if they have that behavior in them. It is important to not completely have 100% trust in the person- they may wind up disappointing you.
5. Substance abuse/Dependency
One thing that is very important to realize is that it is okay if the person you are dating does not feel the same exact way about you when it comes to drug/alcohol use.
If that is something that is a top priority for you, finding someone that avoids that at all costs, then by all means, find that person. But everyone indulges in those behaviors in their own way- and it does not necessarily mean that they are doing it in an unhealthy manner.
But if you have seen the person you are dating intoxicated more than you have sober- then that can be a problem. Not just for the relationship, but for the person you are with.
That is not healthy and it can indicate a problem- whether it be an addiction, depression, or a number of things. It is important to watch out for if the person you are with just likes to have some recreational fun- or if it is actually a problem.
By laziness, I do not mean if it takes them a while to get out of bed in the morning, or if on their day off of work they like to lounge around the house and watch TV.
Maybe laziness isn’t even the right word for this, but more so a lack of motivation. Whether that be to work, go to school, be healthy, or even just have a somewhat productive day.
When thinking about a future with someone, if they have a complete lack of motivation to do anything- that can be very frustrating and also a red flag as well. At least for me personally, it is important to be with someone who has goals and motivation to do well.
7. Controlling behaviors
Controlling behaviors can mean a number of things, and it can also start out in extremely subtle ways, the person you are with may not even realize that they are controlling.
When the person you are dating starts trying to tell you what to do a little too much, and it starts to wear at your confidence or how you feel about yourself that is a problem.
One sign of a controlling behavior is if the person you are with tries telling you what you should or shouldn’t eat- not for health reasons, but for vanity reasons.
It can also start by them making you feel bad for certain things that you shouldn’t feel bad over- like choosing to spend time with your friends over them. Small things to watch out for can turn into scary, controlling behaviors.
8. They are not sexually respectful
This is very important. If the person that you are dating does not respect you while having sex, or just with your sexuality in general, that is a major red flag.
If the person you are dating forces you to engage in sexual behaviors that you are not comfortable with- and doesn’t listen to you when you say you are uncomfortable, that is a big red flag.
Also, if your significant other gets angry at you or makes you feel bad about not having sex with them, then that is a red flag. So is them being extremely judgmental over your sexual past? Of course, it can be natural to judge. But there is a difference between judging and being outright disrespectful.
9. Your friends/family don’t like the person
I’m going to start this one out by saying, you have to do what makes you happy. Yes, it is important to listen to those around you, but ultimately you have to do what is best for you, not others. Also, you may know the person you are dating in a way no one else does.
Though it is important to realize that love can be very blinding- and you may not see some things that the people around you see in your relationship or the effect it is having on you.
If they often express concerns about the person you are dating- try taking a step back and see if what they are seeing may make sense- even if you do not want to admit it yourself.
10. They are not open-minded to others
It is very important to date someone that is open minded to others- all races, religions, sexualities, gender expressions- everything. Even if they aren’t educated about some of those things- even if they try to have an open mind- that is wonderful.
Dating someone that makes racist, homophobic, or even makes racist jokes that could truly offend someone or make them unsafe is a major red flag.
Do you have any other relationship red flags that you look out for? If so, leave a comment below!