“I can’t believe she would do that.” “They seemed so happy!” “What was she thinking?”
These are all things commonly heard when someone finds out someone close to them has been unfaithful to their spouse. The act of cheating is very hard for people to wrap their minds around.
Long-term relationships, while wonderful and rewarding in many ways, take effort in multiple areas of intimacy from both partners: emotional, physical and intellectual.
Cheating is typically seen as being due to a lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship; however, researchers are finding that this is not the case.
Cheating is also often seen as being typical of males, but statistics suggest that the number of women who are unfaithful in relationships is also significant.
In 2015, The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 14% of women cheated on their spouse at least once in the span of their marriage compared to 22% of men.
Esther Perel, a psychotherapist specializing in the area of relationships, suggests that this is due to society’s perception of relationships in modern times.
She writes, “Formerly, matrimony was about economic sustenance, partnership, companionship, social status and children…today…Spouses are supposed to be confidantes, friends and passionate lovers.
There is an expectation that one person will provide what an entire community used to offer. And, for the first time in history, we have linked marital happiness to sexual satisfaction.”
So, what is causing this unfaithfulness, especially among women? Several reasons why women cheat have been defined, seven of which are discussed here.
1. Lack of communication
Communication plays a big role in relationships, and when one partner does not reciprocate, it can have devastating consequences. Men are much more visual than women, whereas women are more verbal. Spoken communication helps to build emotional intimacy, which is crucial for a long-term relationship.
When verbal communication isn’t present, it can lead to feelings of disrespect, frustration and, should it persist, a sense of apathy towards the other person. Women may turn to other sources who they have established this emotional intimacy with to fill this void.
2. No emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy involves not only verbal communication, but also non-sexual physical touch (e.g. hugging, holding hands). The required level of this varies from person to person, but the combination of the two is vital for a relationship’s success.
Oxytocin, a natural neurochemical, is released when touching or kissing is present in a relationship. This is an evolutionary development to ensure bonding can occur between two people.
If a man is only engaging in sexual physical touch, a woman will begin to feel used and like her partner is interested in her only for sex. Consciously or subconsciously, she may begin to seek out other avenues where she feels cared for based on other merits.
3. Feeling disrespected or unappreciated
These can result from a lack of the first two factors, but can also be blatant. If a man never thanks his partner or acknowledges her in a positive way, or tries to blame her for every problem that occurs in the course of the relationship, this will cause problems long term.
If a woman tries to express what she is feeling and her partner minimizes her feelings or is openly rude towards her, this will also create an issue.
Over time, these types of actions will erode the stability of the relationships and will create anger towards the offending party.
4. Abuse
Abuse, whether physical, emotional or verbal is detrimental to a relationship. It isn’t always easy to spot when this is occurring.
Depending on the severity, typically with emotional and verbal abuse, women can tire of the undeserved negativity being taken out on them.
Whether through counseling, friends or life changes, she may realize that she deserves better and may meet someone who treats her “right” while still being in her abusive situation. This can lead to infidelity.
5. Lack of time together
If you are not actively making time to nurture your relationship together, or the only time you spend together is watching television or on your Smartphone, your relationship will begin to erode.
Feelings of being underappreciated, drifting apart or simply not having that connection can cause one to look elsewhere to gain a viable connection. Not making time for each other is a fast-track to a partner cheating.
6. Addictions
Addiction, whether gambling, pornography, drugs or alcohol, is an all-consuming disease. When a person is in the throes of this, obtaining and sustaining their high is the most important thing to them. They will choose that over anything, including partners and children.
Partners with addictions have issues that need resolving and, at that time, do not have the capacity to sustain a long-term relationship without gaining control over their addiction.
The sober partner can begin to feel frustrated in many ways. Their emotional needs are not met, financial issues frequently result and they may reach a level of “burnout” from having to deal with this on a daily basis.
They may also be angry that their partner is not seeking help and trying to get better. This can lead to cheating, especially if they have been together for a longer period of time.
7. Looking for a way out
Cheating may also be a conscious or subconscious way of gaining a way out of a relationship, particularly if the other partner does not want to terminate the relationship or other methods of help are not sufficient in bettering their relationship.
This is not an exhaustive list, and every scenario is different. With that said, these are some of the more common reasons for women cheating on their partners.
What are your thoughts? Any comments? Have any of you cheated on your partner before, and what were your reasons for doing so?
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