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Have you been unfaithful to your man? Are you feeling guilty or confused about it? In order to know what to do next, you must understand why you cheated in the first place. This article will help you move past this indiscretion.
Whether you have a high sense of fidelity or you are a chronic cheater, when it actually comes to cheating there are many reasons women are unfaithful. Very rarely does cheating have anything to do with just being horny. Cheating on your partner can be very complicated; it’s often traumatizing and will make you feel guilty as well.
Before you allow those feelings of guilt to overwhelm you, know that you’re not alone in this. You are not the only woman who has ever cheated on her boyfriend, and you’re not going to be the last one to ever do it. Let me explain some of the most common reasons why women cheat. I’m sure at least one of these will look familiar:
The most common reason women cheat on their men is because they are looking for emotional satisfaction. If you are in a relationship that lacks love, intimacy, and tenderness, then the chances of infidelity are actually higher than average. We mistake sex for intimacy far too often, and the lack of love and understanding from your man at home can often lead to falling into someone else’s arms.
Another common reason why women cheat is because they have low self-confidence. I know, it seems like it would be the other way around, right, that a woman with high self-esteem would easily attract other men and have her fun with them? Usually, that’s just not the case. Women who have low self-esteem are often the first to cheat because they’re looking for something to fill the gap they have inside themselves.
Of course, sometimes women cheat simply for the thrill and the chase. The fact that you “can” have another man and the idea of “forbidden fruit” is sometimes too sexy and titillating to pass up. Temptation and the thought of just being naughty can actually be a strong motivation for infidelity. Sometimes, life gets a little dull and women look for something new and exciting to feel alive again.
Then again, although it’s rare, sometimes women cheat just for the sex. That’s right, just for the carnal pleasure of it. It’s probably not that you meant to cheat in that instance; you just really, really wanted to touch that other man and couldn’t seem to stop yourself. This is often the case when you’re not getting sex from your boyfriend on a regular basis (or when he’s just not satisfying you in bed).
If you’re unsatisfied in your current relationship (physically or mentally) then your chances of cheating increase. There are many different levels of emotional satisfaction or dissatisfaction, and cheating is quite often a short term solution to being unsatisfied.
Another one of the most common reasons why women cheat is that they are unsure of their feelings. If you aren’t really sure whether you love your mate, or if you’re unsure if he’s “the one”, you might cheat in order to test the waters a little bit.
Cheating can be used as an emotional excuse to end a relationship with a man you’re just not sure you could end it with in any other way. In other words, if you’re in a relationship with a guy that might be good to you but isn’t really what you want, but you don’t have the heart to break it off with him, then cheating could be the final determining act you use to have a reason to leave him.
When “not really feeling it” in the relationship isn’t reason enough to break it off to some women, they cheat in order to justify their ending an otherwise decent, but not necessarily “right”, relationship.
Another reason you might cheat on a man is out of sheer desperation. You know that by cheating on him he’ll want to leave you, you know that by doing it you will no longer associate love with sex with this guy, or you know that cheating is a final self-rebellion in a desperate attempt to escape the suffocating bonds of your current relationship.
Maybe cheating is your way of getting out of a relationship because you are afraid of commitment? Maybe you don’t even want to get out of your relationship; you just want to feel a little freedom for once. Being afraid to give your heart and body completely to someone can cause acts of infidelity, too.
Did your man cheat on you previously? Have you never really been able to fully forgive him? If so, then you might have cheated on him for revenge. You might be aware of that, or you might not. Revenge, however, is a strong motivator.
It could be possible that your guy is just a very definite jerk and you want a dirty little secret to call your own and think of shamelessly when he comes home acting like an ass towards you. Hey, it happens.
Regardless of the reason you cheated on your boyfriend, the question still remains, “What do I do now?”
There are really only two options: you can end the relationship and move on, or, you can learn to live with your indiscretion and stay in the relationship.
One of the biggest reasons cheating ends a relationship is because of the guilt. Even if you never tell your man that you cheated on him, you’re still likely to feel guilty about the whole incident and that kind of guilt definitely weighs heavy on a relationship.
Of course, if you opt to actually tell him that you cheated, you run the risk of losing him forever. Some men can be forgiving of an affair, but most men can’t. After all, sex is a sacred part of your relationship, and by sleeping with someone else you have broken that sacred bond between the two of you. Your man is now feeling betrayed and unsure of your future together.
The first thing to do is figure out why you cheated. Was it out of lust? Was it out of emotional or physical dissatisfaction in your relationship? Perhaps it was because of your own insecurities?
If the reason you cheated was due to your own insecurities, then you really ought to seek counseling and get help. Your self-worth is precious, and while a lucid affair might be a temporary solution, it certainly isn’t going to solve your problem. You’ll feel good and sexy for a moment, but then you’ll feel miserable and guilty…which will actually do more damage to your self-esteem.
If you cheated because of relationship problems, then I highly recommend speaking to your boyfriend about your problems. Your relationship is not going to magically fix itself because you spent the night in another person’s bed. Again, cheating leaves you with temporary “good” feelings, but then you just slide downhill from there.
If you choose to stay with your boyfriend, then you have to fix your relationship problems with him or else you’re quite liable to cheat again.
If you cheated to get even or to have an excuse to break up, then you really need to end it with your man now. In the long run, cheating will only continue to hurt you both.
The second thing you need to do is decide whether or not you’re going to tell him about your infidelity. The general answer I can give you is “yes”, it’s only right that you keep the honesty in your relationship, however…all relationships are different. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, sometimes keeping this secret to yourself is the best idea. Only you know what’s right for you and for your relationship. The important thing, however, is not to cheat again.
Get over the guilt, resolve your relationship problems (or end your relationship, whichever the case may be), and take it as a life lesson. After all, you’re only human, right?
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Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.
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